CUZ I SAID SO!

blogger update

2006-06-06T18:49:00.000-05:00

I have not been able to post for days now....please go to my new location for my WTF'S. It lacks colour and style but, I'm on it. I have decided blogger SUCKS.
http://celebritywtfs.livejournal.com/

Chelsea's blog will remain on blogger as I only ever load one or two pictures a day and that seems to work.

http://blogfromadog.blogspot.com/

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 222

2006-06-05T18:38:00.000-05:00

The "sexiest man alive"(According to People Magazine...not me) is available again. Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz have decided to split. Cruz's publicist told The Associated Press on Friday. The couple broke up four weeks ago due to busy work schedules, People Magazine reports.

So the handsome chiseled six pack ab man is available in case any of you are interested. That's if you're into that sort of thing.

Mariah Carey says her ex-husband is still hung up on her. She was once married to Tommy Motola who is the head of Sony. She told the Insider, "I don't know if I ever want to get married again. My last experience was so oppressive. You know, Tommy called the head of my record label on the day my last album came out to find out what it sold. He still can't leave it alone. Why can't he focus on his new wife?"

I dunno Mariah. Why can't you get over yourself? Mariah will never find happiness because she will never find a man who could possibly love her more than she loves herself.

Paris Hilton is still blaming Nicole Richie for the fight they had ages ago. Paris says they are complete opposites of each other. She explained, "I'm the nice one, she's the evil one. Some people change when they think they're a star or something and some people stay the same. I've always been the same and she's definitely not."

Paris is nice? Since when? She is right about always being the same. Irritating, conceited, stupid, materialistic, talentless, sleazy, immature, useless......need I go on? I can, believe me...but, we need to move on to the next story.

Julia Roberts is going to be the new face of Avon Cosmetics. She signed a five million dollar contract and will be representing the company and their vast collection of Health and Beauty products.

They were wise to choose her for their print ads. Imagine if she sold Avon door to door? Nobody would answer the door! All they would see in the peephole is gigantic teeth!

Jordan has bought a new bright pink, diamond-encrusted car. She told OK! Magazine, "I'm going to have crystals stuck around the mirror and the gear stick. I know it's cheesy but I have put some sparkly dice in it. When I was little I remember Barbie had a pink Beetle so I wanted one the same. When I drive it, everyone just stares."

Um, I don't think they are looking at the car.

Kevin Federline is going to be a good dad. According to him anyhow. He recently told Item magazine: "My kids are going to have to learn what a real job is, what life is. You don't have it easy with me. Period. My kids are going to work at Taco Bell, dammit."
He also complained about being married to a celebrity. He said, "I wish people would ask me about my career. Usually its, 'How's the wife and kids?' The day they judge me as an artist, not Britney Spears' husband, that's the day I am looking forward to."

Keep dreaming. You have to actually have a career to be asked about it and secondly, if Britney has her way he won't be her husband for much longer. Loser.

Janet Jackson has revealed she shed nearly 60lbs because her rings would no longer fit on her bulging fingers. Janet who gained weight last year to star in a film that never happened, told the Daily Mirror newspaper, "Some rings wouldn't fit my fingers and watches wouldn't fit my wrist, so I stopped wearing jewellery."

I bet her nipple clamp from the Superbowl drama still fit!

Jessica Alba is desperate to go topless this summer. She is eager to sun her breasts while holidaying on the beaches of Europe, but is paranoid the paparazzi will catch her out.
She said: "I would do if it were just me and my guy, but the paparazzi seem to pop up everywhere. I think I'll be wearing a bikini. Bikinis are more flattering on my body."

She's right.
Even I want a piece of that.

Can the Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards divorce battle get any uglier? Now a published report claims that Charlie is planning on demand a paternity test to determine the father of his youngest daughter. Apparently, Charlie suspects that Denise's lover Richie Sambora could be the father of 11-month old Lola.

Let's look at this shall we? Here is Denise and Charlie before they split up with their eldest daughter Sam. (Charlie is not questioning his paternity with this one) Notice that Sam looks exactly like her father. Unfortunately for Sam....the only trait she picked up from mom is her blonde locks. There is no doubt this kid is Charlie's!

Now, here is Denise pictured with Lola. The genetic Gods were much kinder to baby Lola. That is the REAL reason Charlie doesn't think this kid is his.
Maybe this one takes after mom!!!

MAGAZINE SCANS
Vince and Jen promoting "THE BREAKUP" which is getting horrible reviews. Anyone seen it?

Brad and Angelina featured in STAR Magazine. Apparently one day before she had her baby!

OUT AND ABOUT....
Seal, Heidi Klum and their daughter Leni stop for a family meeting.

Paris is right. Nicole is the evil one! Just look at her at the airport stopping to take photographs with the airport staff. What a bee-atch!!!

Time for some manly men. Here's Justin Timberlake with a fresh buzz cut.

New daddy Brad out and about.

David Beckham is positively adorable. He's shopping.

Clive Owens looks dangerous and dirty. Like a sexy homeless man.

Chloe Sevigny (one of the wives from BIG LOVE) parties with some wiseguys from SOPRANOS. Both shows air on HBO.

Victoria Beckham should see a doctor. It seems she has two oranges stuck in her upper skin.
Although, I suspect she got them from a doctor in the first place.

Lindsay Lohan kisses designer Karl Lagerfield at a fashion show.

At the same event Karl proves he will canoodle with just about anybody!

Janet Jackson looking buff.

Jennifer Aniston leaves her hotel while promoting her flop of a movie THE BREAK UP.

Introducing....Nick Lachey's new girlfriend. Her name is Kim Kardashian. She is a stylist in Hollywood. She also has been hanging out with Paris Hilton lately. Which is odd cuz Paris usually doesn't like hanging around anyone who is prettier than she is. (Pretty much everyone except Kimberly Stewart, Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan)

And Nick's ex wife....Jessica out and about with a friend. Man, those jeans are tight. My crotch hurts just looking at them.

Eva Longoria and her man in black, Tony Parker.

Orlando Bloom and girlfriend Kate Bosworth enjoy a romantic dinner for two that's not so private.

Mariah Carey runs into the MTV studio to make an appearance. She even touches her hair when she is running. She is always touching her hair. Is her hand glued to her head or what?

It's amazing what a new nose, hair extensions and new lips do for Ashlee Simpson. Now she is Jessica Simpson.

Here is a shot of Ashlee's new video. She plays a boxer. I hope that other chick doesn't hit her on her new nose!

Britney and an unidentified pal cruise down the highway. I wonder how long it will take Britney to notice Sean Preston flew out the back seat 16 miles back??

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 221

2006-06-01T18:19:00.000-05:00

Blogger was down for a day or so but, I am back with lots of updates and photos. Enjoy!

Brad Pitt cut the umbilical cord of his new daughter when she was born. He was in the delivery room when his daughter, Shiloh Nouvel, was born via Caesarean section. The couple's obstetrician who travelled to the African country from the US to be at the birth, revealed the story to the press. He said: "The baby was a healthy 7lb. Brad was with Angelina the entire time and cut the umbilical cord. The surgery and birth went flawlessly."

Apparently Brad was so overwhelmed with emotion he cried more than the baby did when she was born. I am sure the baby stopped crying as soon as she saw who her parents were.

Meanwhile it was reported Jennifer Aniston felt "nauseous" when she got a phone call telling her Brangelina's baby had been born. But Aniston later told friends she was relieved that the "sick triangle" was finally over and she could move on with her life.

She had plenty of chances to have Brad's baby and chose to have Ross's instead. Ya snooze.....ya lose.

Even more Aniston news...Jennifer Aniston was sitting at a press conference to promote her new comedy, The Break-Up, when a reporter asked if she was interested in using her celebrity to tackle any of the world's important issues. "No," she replied. "I'm not interested in any of that. I like to just focus on me and my tabloid career."

Even though she was joking what a stupid thing to say. The only person who hates Jennifer being in the tabloids more than her is me. Because it means I have to put her on my blog. Ugh.

Paris Hilton has got a bit of a crush on someone. Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberly, who happens to be Paris's new best friend. Paris gushed about her on to Top Of The Pops Magazine, "Kimberly is hysterical. She's six feet tall, blonde, beautiful and has luscious blue eyes, she's hot. I feel so comfortable with her and I can just act like myself."

She can be herself? You mean that phony, materialistic fisad she puts on is not really her personality?? Yeah, ok. .....Paris thinks Kimberly is hot because she looks like a white trash version of Paris. Yuck.

Elizabeth Taylor has denied claims she has Alzheimer's disease. During a TV interview, she asked CNN talk show host Larry King: "Do I look like I'm dying? Do I look like or sound like I have Alzheimer's? I think they're trying to sell magazines. Some audiences out there... they like scandal."She angrily added: "They like filth. And if they want to hear that I'm dead, sorry folks. I'm not. And I don't plan on it."

Maybe she does have Alzheimers but, she forgot?

Kevin Federline spent $300,000 for a wristwatch without telling his wife first, according to Us Weekly. Perhaps it's no co-incidence that that's the exact amount the aspiring singer reportedly was paid to record an album and tour in Japan. A source told the Magazine, “All he does is work on his music and try to find ways to get out. That is all he cares about. It has taken a big toll on their marriage because he's not always there for her and he used to be.”

Britney, honey, listen to me. You vowed you would stay until death do you part. You're gonna have to kill the loser.

American Idol's Simon Colwell has dissed Prince after he made a surprise performance at the show's finale last week. After Prince sang he apparently dashed off refusing to meet the Idol contestants or greet the audience. Simon says, "It just tells you how selfish he is. He comes on, not a word - 'I'm not gonna sing with anybody else, I'm not gonna say goodbye.' Thank you for your generosity, Prince."

Simon! Leave Prince alone!!!!!! He is a musical genius and a legend. He asks nothing from us. There ain't no particular sign he's more compatible with, he just wants our extra time and our........kiss.

Heather Mills is said to be considering a Princess Diana-style television appearance. Heather has already been accused of modelling herself on Diana, as the wronged partner whose marriage was overshadowed by her husband's public profile. Like Diana, she has thrown herself into charitable work and travelling around the world to highlight the plight of slaughtered seal pups.

Unlike Diana, Heather married for money. Oh, and Diana was a virgin when she got married.

Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein believes that Lindsay Lohan, who has roles in both A Prairie at LinHome Companion and the upcoming Robert Kennedy saga Bobby, will win an academy award. Weinstein, whose company is distributing Bobby, tells MTV, "She's fantastic, and a big reason for getting me involved. This is going to be a stand-out performance this year for Lindsay, absolutely."

Harvey apparently is on some really good drugs also.

Anna Nicole Smith has confirmed that she's pregnant, in a video clip posted on her Web site. "Let me stop all the rumors. Yes, I am pregnant. I'm happy, I'm very very happy about it. Everything's goin' really, really good and I'll be checking in and out periodically on the Web and I'll let you see me as I'm growing."

Nicole must be thrilled. Now that she's pregnant she can flush her bottles of TRIMSPA down the toilet where they can join her career. And the fact that she's pregnant means she finally got laid! Unless of course the father is Tom Cruise.

OUT AND ABOUT....
Kevin Federline clean shaven and with a haircut featured in a Magazine spread. He looks like a creepy salesman. I think I prefer his wanna be rapper look.

Mischa Barton in Toronto with her new puppy. She's only had it for a few weeks and already the poor little thing has a cast on! When are these celebrities gonna learn that when you are carrying two STARBUCKS and your precious baby - you shouldn't try and answer your cell phone!
Actually, I don't know what really happened to her pup but, you never know...

Mariah Carey and her Jack Russell named Jack. Dogwalker or streetwalker? You decide.

Kirstie Ally squirts water at the paparrazzi.

Jessica Alba getting wiggy with it.

Oh God. Sienna and Jude are back together. This week anyhow.

Nicole Richie's frail profile.

Britney has a new nanny. I mean manny. Baby Sean looks like he is giving his mama a swat!

That masked biker is Carson Daly.

Halle Berry shopping in the beauty section. Last place she needs to be.

Eva Longoria looks stunning in this dress. It's amazing what a little breast tape can do!

Victoria Beckham is so hungry she is about to eat her own hand.

Denise Richards and her youngest daughter Lola go shopping.

Meanwhile her estranged hubby Charlie spends time with older daughter Sam.

Teri Hatcher and her daughter Emerson enjoy time together.

My, Ashlee Simpson, what big lips you have!

Pink performs on MTV

Jessica and baby Daisy on the road.

Nick out on the town.

Who's the bootylicious gal that has everyone on the net commenting on her bodacious cheeks? (In a good way)

It's Nelly Furtado. Portuguese women are just born with great bums. And I am not just saying that because I am portuguese woman and have a great bum.

BLAST FROM THE PAST.....It's Appolonia from Purple Rain!

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 220

2006-05-31T18:25:00.000-05:00

Lindsay Lohan has denied rumours that she's feuding with Jessica Simpson . Lindsay says she is actually one of Simpson's biggest supporters as she struggles through her divorce from Nick Lachey. Tabloids are reporting that Lindsay snapped when Jessica refused to thank her for sending a tray of drinks over to her table at a recent event. Lindsay told Interview magazine, "I did not go into this industry to be shown on the cover of some magazine fighting with Jessica Simpson, who I think is a sweet girl. They (tabloids) basically said I was verbally harassing this girl. I'm not that person."

One minute Lindsay's fighting with Paris Hilton, the next she's not fighting with Jessica Simpson. C'mon Lindsay, give peace a chance.

Brangelina have given a donation of $300, 000 to two state-run hospitals in Nambia where Angelina just gave birth to the couple’s baby daughter. A statement released from them reads, "We want to contribute to Nambia and the people who have been so gracious to us at this time."

Considering nobody ever heard of Nambia until now, I'd say these two have given this place a far larger gift than the money....

Paris Hilton has finally explained why the album has taken her so long, "I have always had a voice and always known I could sing, but I was too shy to let it come out. I think that is the hardest thing you can do, to sing in front of people. When I finally let go and did it, I realised it is what I am most talented at and what I love to do the most."

Yeah, too shy to sing - yet comfortable enough to make sex video tapes with every Tom, Dick and Harry she dates.

Ben Affleck spent his Memorial Day in the emergency room of a Boston-area hospital.
"Ben Affleck was treated for a migraine at Mt. Auburn Hospital in Cambridge, Mass., today," said Affleck's rep, Ken Sunshine, in a statement on Monday. "He was released this afternoon, and is recuperating at home."

I suppose he pulled out that J-Lo CD he had hidden in the back of his glove compartment for old times sake.

Halle Berry has broken her toe. The actress reportedly tripped in a French airport, when returning from the Cannes Film Festival, where she had been promoting her summer blockbuster X-MEN movie. She's had a run of bad luck lately - she was also recently struck down by a food allergy, which caused her to break out in spots, after she enjoyed a feast of exotic shrimp.
She was quoted in Britain's Daily Star newspaper as saying: "The funny thing was I went out and I wanted to shake as many hands as I could. And all of a sudden my head feels like it's on fire and I notice some guys looking at me funny."

Oh, they were looking at your "spots" alright!!!!

Paul Gleason has died. He was best known for playing Principal Richard Vernon in the 80s cult classic "The Breakfast Club." He lost his fight against mesothelioma, a rare form of lung cancer, on Saturday. He was 67.

I wonder if he had to write an essay explaining why he wanted to go to heaven.

Paris Hilton seems to have buried the hatchet with former best friend Nicole Richie. It seems Paris has now had a change of heart towards her one-time pal, and has wished Nicole, who recently confessed to suffering from an eating disorder, all the happiness in the future.
She said: "I hope that Nicole is happy and healthy and having a good life."

Nicole Richie could not be reached for comment so I will improvise.

Christina Aguilera is not going to pose topless for a magazine even though according to reports, she has been offered a lucrative amount to bare her boobs for a photo shoot in order to prove she has not had a breast enlargement. However, Christina's husband, Jordan has stopped her from going through with her plans because he doesn't want the world to see her assets.
A source said: "Christina was thinking of doing something radical to end all the speculation but Jordan was horrified when she mentioned she wanted to pose topless."

Apparently Jordan hasn't seen her latest magazine spread. If this isn't posing topless then what is? One wrong move and there are nipples everywhere.

Nelly Furtado has confirmed rumours she has split from long-term lover Jasper Gahunia. The two have a 20 month old daughter together. Despite her single status, Furtado insists she is too busy to look for love. She explains, "I've no time to be a man-eater. My loves are my daughter and my album right now."

That's weird, it was only a few days ago where she kept insisting she is now very sexual and wants her fans to know it. Make up your mind!

Mariah Carey will reportedly insure her legs for a billion dollars on the night of her first tour in three years in America. Mariah, who recently signed on to star in Gillette's "Legs of a Goddess" campaign, wants to ensure the best possible treatment if she hurts herself while on tour.
A source close to the star told Britain's Mirror newspaper "The sum reflects her popularity. She's about to start a US tour and she'll have to be careful."

Come to think of it, Mariah has great legs. Especially from the thighs down. The higher up her leg you go, they seem to make an ass of themselves.
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!

OUT AND ABOUT
Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck at the hospital. She drove him there to get treatment for his bad migraine. (Story above)

Dita Von Teese came out of the cake at Hugh Hefner's 80th birthday party.

Fergie grabs her lovely lady lumps.

These pics are all over the internet. The one on the left is Nicole now. The one on the right was her a few months ago. Believe it or not the caption on these photos are "Nicole is gaining weight."
No wonder she has an eating disorder.

Pink and her hubby Carey Hart out and about.

Wentworth Miller checks his messages to see if I've called.

Courtney Cox hangs out with friends.

Where are child services when you need them? Now Jessica Simpson is holding her dog's head out the window. Did you know that thousands of dogs die every year because they get overly excited and jump out of a moving vehicle!!

Jessica's sister Ashlee and her little doggie. Not only does her nose look new but, what's with the fuller lips??

Perverted Fans at the ASIA MTV awards reach out for Pamela. Check out the guy who seems mesmerized by her breasts. Pamela however is an animal rights activist so she will forgive the PIGS.

Drew Barrymore and boyfriend Fabrizio share an lip appetizer before the main course.

Here's Mariah at her GILLETTE leg launch.

Jennifer Lopez out running errands.

Paris on the set of her new music video.

And seen later with the guy who was also in the video. She really does not waste any time....

AMERICAN IDOL winner Taylor Hicks and runner up Catharine McPhee at an event.

Prince Harry has an impressive rod.

Katie Holmes at a park.

Jude Law must be doing laundry and that's why he's jogging with his boxers on. Either that or he's running to his nanny's house.

Jen and Vince at a baseball game.

Heather Locklear really is dating David Spade! Here they are going for a stroll.

Gavin Rossdale and a case of champagne. He's either celebrating his and Gwen's new baby or he thought of a plan to get the kid to sleep through the night.

Britney Spears has got a firm grip on Sean these days.

He must be teething?

It's either a teething ring or a razor blade....who can tell?

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 219

2006-05-29T14:40:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears has thrown hubby Kevin Federline out of her home. Sources say that Kevin, has spent three out of the last four nights with pals - while Britney has remained at home in Malibu.
Britney refuses to comment. A pal said, "Things have suddenly turned very sour. It looks bad."

Yeah, that'll teach Kevin. Let him spend even more time with his criminal friends. If Britney thinks kicking him out every so often is going to teach him a lesson she is wrong. He probably loves it cuz he doesn't have to take out the trash or feed the kid or change his underwear.

Gwen Stefani and her husband Gavin Rossdale, welcomed their first child together on Friday - a 7 1/2 lb. baby boy named Kingston James McGregor Rossdale. Both mother and child are doing well, said her rep in a statement.

This baby is going to handsome like his papa and stylish like his mama. Yup, he's gay already.

Angelina and Brad had a healthy baby girl. They have named her Shiloh (pronounced Shy-Lo) Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, a doctor at the hospital said there were no complications and the mother and daughter were doing well.
"She is a healthy baby," the doctor said, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to release information.

I am so surprised they didn't name it Wazukolita. If means "Your ex wife is an annoying little..." In tribespeak.
Maddox and Zahara are going to be confused. Who the heck's the little white kid?

Peter Andre isn't happy with his wife, Katie Price...a.k.a British glamour model Jordan. He says he wants her to bulk up sinnce she went down from a size eight to a size four.
Peter told Now magazine: "I think she's too thin. I said to her, 'Look, you don't need to be that thin, you gotta start eating now. She's getting better now and eating more. She just needed to eat more junk!"

Notice how he makes no mention of being concerned that his wife's ridiculously large implants could possibly leak toxins throughout her fragile body.....

Nicole Richie's frightening weight loss was caused by an addiction to diet pills. A close friend of the star,Crystal, has revealed that Nicole is hooked on Hoodia - a South African herb that fools the brain into thinking you are constantly full. She told Britain's More magazine that Nicole once told her: "Hoodia makes you look hot in low-cut tops and backless dresses. It is good for me."

Apparently hoodia also makes your head look preposterously large in relation to the rest of your body too. Hmm, she's right, that is hot!
NOT.

The Pussycat Dolls were going to be marketed in the form of Barbie dolls until worried parents said absolutely not.Toy manufacturers Hasbro's plans to make plastic miniatures of the six-girl group were objected to by parents groups. One concered mother said: "Everyone I spoke to was shocked that this would even be considered. It could be an appropriate adult entertainment product, but definitely not for kids."

Remember when little girls everywhere loved the Spice Girls? They were a bunch of skanks too. Mind you....at least they could sing.

Nelly Furtado revealed that she wanted her new album 'Loose' to be dirtier and sexier than her previous records. She told Britain's Arena magazine: "This album is really sexually assertive. I'm admitting to all my fans that I am a woman and I love to have sex.'

Is this the same girl who swore up and down she would NEVER use sex to sell her image?? My how things change. She went from "I'm like a bird" to "I'm like a slut"!!

Paris Hilton is set to strip in her new movie. She has a role in 'National Lampoon's Pledge' and has promised fans they can expect to see her showing off her sexy body in several racy scenes.
She told Britain's Top Of The Pops magazine: "It's a very sexy movie. It's all, like, hot sorority girls at college and everybody's beautiful. They are lots of sexy scenes with me.'

I'm confused? I thought she said everybody in the movie was beautiful????

MAGAZINE SCANS....
Jessica Simpson on the cover of MARIE CLAIRE.

Jessica again but, this time as a redhead. (That's a wig)

Jennifer Aniston on Letterman. Again, she refused to comment on whether she is dating Vince Vaughn or not. She looks like she forgot her pants.

Woah, that baby Violet must weigh a ton. Jennifer Garner seems to be struggling.

Elizabeth Hurley looking fabulous out and about.

Halle Berry promoting her new X-MEN movie.

Denise Richards and Richie Sambora vacationing in Italy. They already look bored of each other.

Courtney Love looking all church-like.

Britney in curlers out with Sean. She's using two hands to hold him now. Good girl.

I know that Jillian Barberie is an animal activist but, this is ridiculous!

Lindsay Lohan at a tanning salon. If anyone needs it...it's her!

Naomi Campbell out and about.

Christina Aguilera looking beautiful ven though she also looks like she just crawled out of bed. B$#ch!!

Wentworth Miller at the airport. I have a feeling he's going to be subjected to a strip search.

Sandra Bullock and hubby Jesse hang out together.

Pamela Anderson hosts a fundraiser for AIDS.

Jessica Simpson and her UGG-ly boots.

Paris Hilton on set of her new music video.

Nicole Richie cheats on her diet and splurges with an ice treat. Ice has all that nutritional value.

Penelope Cruz seems to be adjusting her button???

BLAST FROM THE PAST....Hey, it's SCARY SPICE otherwise known as Melanie B. If you are wondering why she suddenly has boobs that's cuz she bought them.

When Kate Moss Attacks.........it's ironic how a girl who gets photographed for a living freaks when she's being photographed....trying to live.

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 218

2006-05-26T18:34:00.000-05:00

Actress Victoria Principal has filed for divorce from her husband. She was married to prominent Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Harry A. Glassman for nearly 21 years. According to papers filed, Victoria is citing irreconcilable differences.

Translation : She's had all the free cosmetic surgery her body can take the last 21 years. No need to keep him around anymore.

Mariah Carey is counting on her longtime friend, "American Idol" judge Randy Jackson to mix things up a bit on her "Adventures of Mimi" tour, which kicks off in August.
"With this tour, I'm going to be working on some different arrangements for some of the older songs, to kind of like, give it a little more life to them," Carey recently told The Associated Press. "That's not to say they're going to sound totally different and to freak anybody out ... (but) I love re-singing songs to different music."

You wanna mix things up Mariah?? Sing live. Unlike every other performer does these days. That's one thing we know you can do well. Never mind the bells, whistles and low cut dresses.....just sing!

As you probably know by now, Madonna starts off her latest tour by being lowered onto stage on a gigantic cross to which she is adhered to. She has defended the crucifixion stage stunt, saying Jesus would not mind. The Queen Of Pop claims her performance - which outraged Christian groups worldwide - was an appeal to her fans to help Aids charities.
She said: "I don't think Jesus would be mad at me and the message I'm trying to send. Jesus taught that we should love they neighbour."

Jesus won't mind one bit. As long as Madonna promises to keep the high notes to a minimum.

Ashton Kutcher is so desperate for a baby he reportedly jetted across the US to wife Demi Moore when he heard she was ovulating. America's Star magazine reported: "Demi Moore was ovulating - and he rushed to Louisiana, where she is filming 'Mr Brooks', to be by her side."
However, Kutcher's representative has denied the story.

Ofcourse they had to deny the story. What is the rep going to say? "That's right, my client is whipped. .....he does whatever she wants"
What a stupid story.

Paris Hilton has bough a $3 million mansion. According to Britain's Hello magazine, there is a special living area inside the house for her dogs complete with iron gates branded with the family emblem.Inside the gated area, the pampered pooches will sit on plush pink cushions with the Hilton crest on them. The dogs will drink from custom-made pink personalised bowls and each has a crown to wear.

Why doesn't she just buy a Human society type shelter since all her dogs end up there anyways!!! The only thing this woman can relate to when it comes to dogs is that they are both bitches.....

Gay director Pedro Almodovar confesses he hasn't always preferred men and directing Penelope Cruz in his new movie Volver has left him very confused.
Almodovar says, "I have a lot of affection for Penelope and during this movie I was almost in love with her. Well, this is a confession. You all know that I'm gay, but when I was younger I had a bisexual live-in partner. With Penelope, I felt desire again. I was very turned on by her. I was completely hooked. Don't tell her."

He may want to take Penelope's clothes off but, only to try them on himself!

George Michael dedicates his new single to his female fans who never realized he was gay.
The track, An Easier Affair, reveals the struggle he had with his sexuality before coming out in 1998.
He sings, "This is one for the ladies/ The ones who love me/ I told myself I was straight/ Now I'm having too much fun dancing with the freaks."

WHAT??? You mean to tell me George Michael was gay when he was in WHAM??? NO WAY.
I never believed for a moment it was my sex he wanted.

Brad Pitt and Ed Norton once co-starred in the "Fight Club" together and may be reuniting on television this time instead of the big screen. The two are in talks to star in a mini-series playing famous American explorers Lewis and Clark.

Ooooooh, can I play Europe? Or whatever country it is they discover????

Britney Spears' parenting mishaps have sparked the creation of a new website that offers child safety tips and t-shirts with the slogan "Save Sean Preston".The website's creator, who calls herself Angel, told Star Magazine, "The response has been off the charts. We are here for child safety. If she can't handle one child, what will she do with another one?"

This woman does not need another website dedicated to her. She needs to roll up the rim.

According to the Magazine LIFE & STYLE weekly, Jessica Simpson told a friend, “I’m tired of being alone. I have no one to come home to, no one to call at the end of the night. I’m traveling all over the place by myself. When I was with Nick, I had someone who understood what I was going through.”

Poor Jessica, look at her she's even depressed while she shops. My heart bleeds for her. NOT.

MAGAZINE SCANS...
ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE features Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn.

More Jen and Vince.

OUT AND ABOUT....
I know the secret to Janet Jackson's weight loss. Just stand next to a very rotund person. The pounds just melt off.

Jennifer Aniston getting out the car. She left her headlights on.

Pamela Anderson's headlights are always on and I don't even think she drives.

Did the church of Scientology get Mariah too???? Here is Mariah dresses in a plain white dress that covers her boobs in a room full of men.
Something's very wrong here.

Shakira and an assistant at the LISBOA airport.

Reese Witherspoon could teach Britney a lot. Look how she carries her son, opens her car door, balances her cafe latte and still manages to shoot the paparrazzi a deadly look.

Prince performed at AMERICAN IDOL last night.

Tori Spelling, her new hubby, his son and another kid at American Idol. Tori looks bored out of her mind.

Heather Locklear at AMERICAN IDOL with her daughter Ava. Apparently Ava was rooting for Katherine and Heather for Taylor.
It really is true....mother knows best.

Katie puts on a forced smile as she attends yet another of Tom's kids lame sports events. I am sure Katie would rather be home resting or putting a bag of ice on her sore nipples.

Nick Lachey out and about.

Jake Gyylenhaal plays some Brokeback basketball.

Jennifer Garner surprises hubby Ben Affleck on the set of a new movie he is directing. How cute are these two?

Drew Barrymore stops to smell.....her hair.

Britney suddenly realizes she left the kid in the car. And forgot to roll a window down.
It's amazing how she can carry her piping hot STARBUCKS, adjust her bra strap and balance in those high shoes, yet she manages NOT to drop the coffee. Well, in all fairness to her those damn lattes are pricey!!

Jennifer Aniston leaving her hotel. I love love love her outfit.

Paris frolicks half naked on the beach. No, she's not drunk and on vacation yet again....she's filming her new music video.

Meanwhile her ex Stavros cozies up to another big boob.

Brian Austin Green's (EX 90210 star) companion must not of seen the sign that says LOADING only. I don't think any groping is allowed.

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 217

2006-05-25T19:41:00.000-05:00

Cate Blanchett has compared Brad Pitt to a glorious piece of chocolate, saying she has wanted to work with him for a long time. Blanchett made the comments while attending the world premiere of her new film, Babel, at the Cannes International Film Festival. Cate said, "He's like chocolate - he is glorious and wonderful, and we've been wanting to work with each other for a long time."

She has a point. I love a good piece of chocolate. However, at some point I've had enough of chocolate.
I never had enough of Braddy.

Brad Pitt is the latest celebrity to catch the attention of child care experts after he was photographed cycling with his adopted baby daughter Zahara strapped to his back. The photos taken last week appear to show Pitt cycling in an African village with the young tot riding on his back in a papoose.

In all fairness to Brad he is in a country where some people still carry their kids in basket on their heads. You know the saying, when in Rome....

Beyonce has gone out of her way to fatten up again, after losing 28lbs for a recent film role.
Beyonce fasted for 14 days and then existed on protein shakes to drop weight for Dreamgirls.
"It was hard, I felt weak, but I did it. It wasn't healthy though. When we finished the film, the next day I ate fried chicken, fried fish, French fries - anything fried - and the weight started to come on really fast and easy." she revealed.

She has to live up to her bootylicious image. You grow girl!

Oprah Winfrey has signed a record breaking deal to write a new book about weight control. It has been reported that she received an advance in excess of the $12 million. The deal, said to be the biggest ever signed for a non-fiction work, was announced at the annual Book Expo America in Washington. She will be working on the book with her fitness trainer Bob Greene, who is a frequent guest on her talk show.

In other words the trainer is going to do all the writing and Oprah's going to put her name on it. Everything this woman touches turns to SOLD.

Britney Spears has apparently dissed hubby Kevin in a poem on her website. The poem - which is thought to have been written by Britney describes feeling tied down in "chains" and asks: "How do you stand sleeping at night?"
It continues with lines about feeling "manipulated" and "swallowed".
The poem also talks about "the sins of the Father", and it says: "Remember the Bible/The sins of the Father/What you do/You pass down."
The poem was removed from the site hours later with no explanation.

I guess once Britney sobered up she had a change of heart.

Dita Von Teese has bashed Hollywood's leading ladies. The burlesque dancer and wife of rocker Marilyn Manson can't think of one Hollywood actress from the current generation to compare to style icons of the past.
She says, "So many people look like they are a product of a team of stylists. We'll remember Madonna And Cher. But a lot of people will be totally forgettable."

Dita Von Teese is known for stripping at Hollywood parties and pouring champagne down her a$$.....but, hey unlike Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Kate Moss and Tara Reid.....she gets paid for it.

New mom Geri Halliwell is in no rush to get back in shape following the birth of her baby Bluebell Madonna. The former Spice Girl is smitten with her daughter, who was born by C-section earlier this month. She says, "My breasts are huge but for a purpose. Apparently I'll have a tummy for a while, which is OK too. I don't mind my Caesarian scar either, because it looks like a smile."

I guess the epideral hasn't quite worn off yet.....

Paris Hilton played a voice message from an angry Lindsay Lohan to all of friends and then proceeded to call Lindsay the C-word, according to NY daily News. Apparently Lindsay's pissed because of an incident last week when greasy Brandon Davis slammed her, calling her a fire crotch. During Davis's comments , Paris Hilton held her phone up so a friend could hear, as she smiled and laughed.

I hate both these losers. They are constantly making asses out of themselves.

Jennifer Aniston has admitted that divorce can sometimes be a best possible thing.
In an interview with the Daily Mirror, she said: “Who knows if people should have stayed in relationships? My parents certainly shouldn’t have stayed married - and they didn’t. Other people have stayed married … and they shouldn’t have.”

TRANSLATION : "WTF Did you expect me to do? Did you see who I was competing against??"

MAGAZINE SCANS.
US WEEKLY - Janet Jackson reveals how she lost 60lbs in 4 months. The most amazing part is she didn't throw up once.

LIFE & STYLE WEEKLY - There's trouble at the Federline residence again. (Really, no way!)

IN TOUCH WEEKLY - Plastic surgery secrets from the stars. They say it like it's something good. Also features a special message from Heather Locklear to Denise Richards. Most likely the message is, "%^$\@ #$!!!!!!"

STAR MAGAZINE - is all about babies. No, not the regular Hollywood whiners....just their kids.

OK! Magazine claims Jennifer Aniston is going to be a mom. Does she know yet?

Nick Lachey is featured in COSMO GIRL.

Nicole Richie on the cover of COSMO GIRL.

Clive Owens goes on with his delicious self.

OUT AND ABOUT......
Kelly Osbourne on her cell phone.

Paris Hilton must of shared a brush with Lindsay Lohan.

Christina Aguilera is the only celebrity who manages to look sexy when she's half in the bag.

Kevin Bacon catches up on the news. He should be checking the weather. Why does he need a ski hat in Los Angeles this time of year?

Kirsten Dunst tells the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but, the tooth.

Kelly Clarkson is radiant at the Academy of Country Music Awards.

Anna Kournikova out without Enrique two days in a row.....oooh, wonder what that means?

Goldie Hawn really shouldn't do that anymore.

Denise Richards and Richie Sambora.....they're halfway there. Oh, oh. Living on a chair.

Orlando Bloom and his honey Kate Bosworth.

Lindsay Lohan. Peace out. Yeah, whatever.

Ashlee Simpson on the set of her new video. She looks so pretty.

Gwen and Gavin are going to be parents any second now...

Justin Timberlake not impressed.

There's men in uniform and then there's THIS MAN in uniform. Holy crap! If David Beckham worked construction EVERYONE would.

Ashley Olsen in her grandfather's hat, aunt's shawl and mother's army boot. EGAD.

At least sister Mary Kate has the sense to cover her face.

YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The new American Idol is TAYLOR HICKS!!!
yes!
I'm doing a happy dance. I never have to see Catherine and her egotistical self sing ever again!

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 216

2006-05-24T18:14:00.000-05:00

Paris Hilton was amazed after she collected $200,000 just for showing up at a charity event in Cannes on Saturday. FoxNews reports she was paid $1 million for a similar event in Vienna a few weeks ago. What does she have to do for the money? "All I had to do was wave, like this," she said, imitating Queen Elizabeth II's stately palm swivel.

I'd pay Paris a million bucks to wave........ Just as long as she was waving GOODBYE.

Brad Pitt sent an e-mail to the Cannes Film Festival on Tuesday saying he was unable to attend because of the "imminent arrival" of his new baby.

No need to explain Brad, we can all see Angelina is due any minute. Unless ofcourse she isn't really pregnant...maybe it's all a sham. It could all be part of her and Brad's master plan to smuggle as many African orphans out of the country as possible. The ones that don't fit in their private plane can hide under Angelina's blouse.
Bloody brilliant.

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn arrived separately at the premiere of their new movie "The Break Up". They also completely avoided each other the entire night and remained on different sides of the room. Apparently, all is well, they just wanted the premiere to be about the movie and not about them as a couple.

So does this mean they finally admit it? Typical Hollywood. When people are seen kissing and canoodling together they deny a relationship - and usually by the time they admit it, they are already dating someone else....

Geri Halliwell has given her baby girl a name that makes Gwyneth's kids Moses and Apple seem main stream....ready? She named the kid Bluebell Madonna Halliwell.
Geri told Hello! magazine, "I was going to name her Scarlet but, as I walked round the park in the last few weeks of pregnancy, I seemed to see bluebells everywhere. And what really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare - it's a precious flower, which seems just right for my daughter."

Whew, it's a good thing for the baby's sake that her mother noticed the flowers before she saw the drunken homeless guy named Stinky at the park!

Kicking off her Confessions world tour in Los Angeles, Madonna proved that she's still capable of shocking over 20 years on.Her show includes a spot of erotic pole dancing, dancers in fetish gear, roller-skate girls, an Abba tribute and a giant silver mirrored cross which she ties herself to whilst a video of Africa's Aids epidemic rolls on a giant screen behind.

This is typical Madonna. Nothing new. However, I think it would be SHOCKING if Madonna was reported to be home in curlers, watching soap operas and eating bon bons on the couch.

Heather Mills is "worn down" by her pending split from hubby Paul McCartney and is cancelling charity commitments so she can rest. She pulled out of a vegetarian fund raiser at the last minute recently. Friend and colleague Juliet Gellatley says, "She is too ill. We heard from her today. She just doesn't feel very well. She feels so worn down."

Heather needs to rest up cuz when she gets half of Paul's fortune she's gonna shop til she drops.

Jessica Simpson ordered her bodyguards to close off a public toilet because she wanted to do her business in private. According to America's New York Post newspaper, Jessica left female diners at Mr Chow's restaurant in Beverly Hills fuming after she took control of the ladies room.

I could clear a woman's washroom without body guards having to do it for me. Bran buds are a wonderful thing.

Lindsay Lohan made the top five in Maxim magazine's recent Hot 100 poll. Although she finished behind "Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria and Jessica Alba, Lohan was reportedly elated to have beaten out Angelina Jolie, who came in fourth place. A friend of Lindsay told More magazine, "It shouldn't but the whole thing has gone to her head. She was raving how she's now officially sexier than Angelina Jolie!"

Stupid Lindsay didn't realize that this particular Maxim top 100 was more about celebrity status than being sexy. And even if it was about being sexy......I wouldn't be so cocky if I were her. Who are maxim readers anyhow? Probably a bunch of hairy slobs to ugly or lazy to ever get a real woman so they settle for the plastic one stashed in the back of their closet. The take her out to "play" when their MOTHER goes to sleep.

California lawmakers are set to introduce a bill requiring parents to face their infants' car seats towards the back of the vehicle if they are under one year old. It will be called Britney's law after none other than Ms. Spears. Brit's representatives insist that she did nothing wrong.

What about a law that requires Britney to have her legs wired shut???

OUT AND ABOUT.....
Interesting caricatures I found on the internet of stars.
Mariah, Angelina and Christina Applegate (I think?) Perhaps Scarlet Johanson?

I just thought of a new recipe looking at this picture of Victoria Beckham. Two melons on a stick. Should be a hit at a barbecue!

More Madonna on tour. Now she is trying to piss off the Catholic Church with that thorny crown. Obviously she didn't listen to her father when he said never to walk with a sharp object on her head.

Paula Abdul and her dog Thumble Lina

Eva Longoria gets in her car after working out.

Pamela Anderson gets carried away with her pal David LaChapelle

BLAST FROM THE PAST....You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have.........
BLAIR AND JO
from the FACTS OF LIFE. Blair looks like a soccer mom and Jo looks like a newscaster.

Carmen Electra promoting her latest product...ready for it? - The Thigh Styler.

Tori Spelling and her thigh styler....Dean McDermott.
Rumor has it she is preggers.

Nelly Furtado stops to give out an autograph.

Jennifer Aniston at the BREAK UP premiere.

Vince Vaughn also at the premiere.

Anna Kournikova without Enrique Iglesias. I guess he had her surgically removed from his lap finally!

Bruce Willis and Avril Lavigne at a premiere for their new film. Avril will be in two movies this year.

Mariah Carey's best attempt at being demure.

Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner and Baby Violet out for breakfast. Aw.

Janet Jackson at a birthday party for a friend.

The battle is on.....GO TAYLOR GO....... Have I mentioned I hate Catherine?

Looks like Denise Richards and Richie Sambora are back together. Or I guess they could still be fighting and using their tongues only to communicate.

Gavin Rossdale who is married to the heavily pregnant Gwen Stefani gets out alone to play with his balls.

CUZ I SAID SO!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 215

2006-05-23T14:54:00.000-05:00

Angelina and Brad are worried sick after Angelina's adopted daughter Zahara was struck down with a mystery illness. Zahara reportedly stopped sleeping properly and cries when she is put on her back. According to a report in Britain's The Sun newspaper, Brad wants to take Zahara to the US for treatment but heavily-pregnant Angelina wants to stay in Africa until she delivers her baby.

Hmm, does this have anything to do with that tiny African barbie Maddox keeps sticking pins into - or is that just a coincidence?

Lindsay Lohan is after Paris Hilton's most recent ex - Stavros Niarchos. Witnesses stared openly as the two "kissed and held hands" at a popular night club. A source revealed, "Lindsay went back with him that night to his hotel room."

Stravos obvioulsy likes his women easy.
Easy going.
Really easy.
Going.

Nicole Richie and boyfriend Adam Goldstein, broke up again last week - and insiders say it was a weight issue. One spy said: "After they got back together for the second time, she said she would improve her eating habits and stop her club hopping." But Richie still goes to clubs and is still skeletally thin, despite telling Vanity Fair that she is getting help from a psychiatrist.

Oh well, I guess Nicole did eat. Her words.

Dancing with the Stars" Stacy Keibler suffered a minor seizure at an event. Stacy was sent to the hospital, where doctors ran tests and released her in "good health," according to a statement from Stacy's representative. Stacy's boyfriend -- "7th Heaven" actor Geoff Stults -- stayed by her side the whole time. Doctor's say it was an isolated event and Stacy will be fine.

This woman is so fit and a wrestler to boot, no wonder her boyfriend has such a good beside manner. She'll either kick his ass or deny him of hers....

Val Kilmer was so desperate to get to a strip club he hitched a ride with a complete stranger. Val apparently approached the puzzled motorist after he got fed up of waiting for his car service to pick him up. A source is quoted on MSNBC.com as saying: "It was totally bizarre. He approached a complete stranger and he said to him, 'I'm Val Kilmer - can you take me to Stringfellows?' And the bloke obliged! Val jumped in and headed off."

A strip club called "Stringfellows"??????? I didn't know Val was into thin naked men?

Victoria Beckham is designing a jewel-encrusted watch for Geri Halliwell's baby girl. An insider told Britain's Daily newspaper: "Victoria wanted to give Geri something unique so she is designing a mini watch. It's specially designed for a small child - gold, with a pink face studded with tiny pink diamonds."
The source added: "Victoria wanted Geri's daughter to have something special that she could use when she's older.

Then she should ensure one of her 3 sons dates Geri's daughter when they are older. Pass on those fabulous genes!!!!

Britney Spears has hardly seen her husband since revealing she was pregnant, it's been claimed. Friends close to Britney claim she is constantly left alone with the baby, Sean Preston, while Kevin Federline works on his rap album.
A friend told Britain's The Sun newspaper: "Kevin was in the studio or drinking. Even after she returned they've barely been together. "

Britney always has accidents with the kid, now she needs to have an "mishap" with Kevin - you know, "accidentally" dropping some rat poison on his cheezies, filling up a beer bottle with raccoon urine..... call me Britney, I got tons of ideas.

Denise Richards was at home the other day when she heard Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" playing from the street outside. She peeked through a window and saw Heather Locklear and a girlfriend in her car with the song blasting. Heather and her friend thought their prank was hilarious. Denise called the stunt "very high school."

If Heather really wanted to get revenge on Denise she should of made her sit through "THE PERFECT MAN" that horrible movie Heather did with Hilary Duff. You can never get those two hours back!

Rebecca Romijn who plays mutant Mystique in the sci-fi series X-Men says she loves to be naked. She is quoted in Britain's News of the World newspaper as saying: "I love to be nude and I love sex. Being a dominatrix in the bedroom, sex in cars and in public places all turn me on. And having my ears kissed turns me on like nothing else. They're easily my most erogenous zone."

If only she had shared this information with her ex-husband John Stamos.....

Penelope Cruz refuses to leave Europe to live in Los Angeles, because she fears Hollywood could transform her personality. She says, "I feel very grateful for the opportunities they are giving me in L.A also, but there are a lot of positive things (but) there are always things that are dangerous, maybe even more for a woman."

Yeah like her kooky ex boyfirend!!!

Marriage of the Mulletts... Duane "The Dog" Chapman (Of the show DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER) finally married his girlfriend of 16 years and the mother of two of his children. (He has 11 all together)
Wow, he was Kevin Federline before Kevin was. Beth does look like Britney in ten years.

OUT AND ABOUT....
Jennifer Aniston in a magazine shoot.

Braddy and the kids go for a bike ride.

A preview of Madonna's latest world tour. I guess she is out to shock again.

Jessica Simpson does lunch with Victoria Principal....hmmm....either Jess is trying to snag the role of Pamela in the "DALLAS" feature film or they are working on an infomercial together.

Looks like Michael Bolton's in for a special treat tonight.

Dita Von Teese and her hubby Marilyn Manson ....without his "stage" look.

Sandra Bullock walks the 3 legged dog she rescued.

Gwen Stefani looks radiant.

Lindsay Lohan is already hanging all over Nicole Richie's ex. Lindsay loves them sloppy seconds.

Madonna leaving the kabbalah centre.

Jennifer Aniston at the CANNES festival.

Halle Berry and Rebecca Romjin at CANNES.

Beyonce sizzles at CANNES.

Pay Attention Britney.
Mischa Barton cuddles her puppy, carries shopping bags and walks at the same time.

Nicole Richie fights her way through a shoe sale.

Tara Reid and her saggy implants. Psssttt...It's called a BRA Tara.

Paris Hilton checks to make sure her boobs are still there.....

Twig legs Victoria and her hubby David at a party thrown by P Diddy.

Ozzy is probably telling Prince Charles a really dirty f&*^%$ING joke.

Father of our nation.....Kevin Federline and his degenerate buddies.

Christina Aguilera out with her little brother. Aw.

Fergie really shouldn't make that face.

CUZ I SAID SO!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 214

2006-05-22T21:01:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I have been a busy girl these days. To make it up to you here is a gossip packed WTF for your long Victoria day weekend. Enjoy.....

Oops she did it again...Mother of the year Britney Spears almost tripped as she left a hotel earlier today while holding Sean Preston. She had a drink in her right hand as she tried to go through a group of onlookers. She then tripped causing the baby's head to go backwards and off went his hat. She luckily regained control just in the nick of time.
Here's the play by play.

Britney leaving the hotel with baby Sean and a cup of water, club soda or vodka possibly (hey, you never know) in her other hand.

Going.....Going....

A bodyguard saves the day and Britney manages to keep the glass intact in her other hand. (Must be vodka...good vodka)

I was going to cut Britney up in every way imaginable and say things like shouldn't you be holding your kid with both hands, how come she drops the baby but, not the drink etc .....but, then I saw this picture of Brit with her son after the incident occurred and I couldn't bring myself to beat her up about it. The press will do that enough for all of us.

And then I saw this picture of her crying....I remembered when my dog was only 3 months old and I was holding her on my chest. I was watching European soccer which I am very passionate about. Portugal, my team had scored. I got so excited I screamed, scared my poor pup who dove over my shoulder and landed on her little back on a pile of weights I had behind my chair. She screamed bloody murder and had a limp for a day or so!! She was only 6lbs at the time....but, recovered and she was good as new after that but, my point is - I dropped my baby and I am a great doggie Mama.....so Iam going to let Britney off on this one. For now.

And more .....Britney Spears has been criticized by a leading dietitian for feeding her baby son ice-cream. The pregnant pop star recently revealed she uses the sweet treat to help the eight-month-old get to sleep.
She said, "He loves ice cream - it makes him sleep better."

Yeah, cyanide would make him sleep better too but, that doesn't mean you should be giving to him.
I must mention that I am glad Sean is wearing a hat these days....Britney now needs to ensure he wears one out in the sun and not just as a "I am cute, look at me" fashion statement. Afterall, the kid's name is Sean Preston Federline which as an anagram is SPF....he needs a hat in the sun!

Carmen Electra is going to be in Joan Jett's next music video entitled "A.C.D.C". The video will feature Carmen as Joan's female lover. Electra and Jett play a would-be couple in the music video, but Electra's character can't decide if she'd rather be with a man or a woman.

Which suddenly explains why she married Dave Navarro. (Those are his nail polished fingers... not hers)

Madonna claims she married husband Guy Ritchie for all the wrong reasons. She told Tatler Magazine, "I went into the marriage saying, 'He's fantastically talented,very witty, very smart. He's going to make me laugh and look good because he's so successful and of course, he's gorgeous, sexy and handsome." However, now she now realizes what marriage is really about, she added, "None of these things mean anything after you're dealing with raising children and scheduling and finances. "

Since when is marrying a man for his intellect, handsome looks and sense of humor the wrong reason???

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have sold the first picture of their unborn baby for 5 million bucks according to a report. Apparently the couple negotiated the huge fee with an American weekly magazine. The money will be donated to charity.

The picture they choose to sell to the media should prove to be very interesting....

Meanwhile, Brad Pitt's family is denying they do not like Angelina Jolie. Rumors have it that Brad is upset that the family still is chatty with ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. Brad's brother Doug says the family are glued to the phone in America waiting for the news. "We all want to help them get through the birth in any way we can," Doug says. "We just want them to enjoy it and to know we're all thinking of them."

Yeah, I am so sure Brad and Angelina give a crap what anyone thinks about them. What a stupid story.

Kelly Clarkson doesn't like singing her hit 'Because Of You' because it is too personal. She wrote the song about her family life, but finds it painful to have to sing it. She told Britain's Now magazine, "I don't like singing it all the time. At first it was like, 'I don't want to talk about this all the time' but, then I meet people who are touched by the song and that means more to me. "

Kelly may have a hard time singing it but, I am sure she has no trouble spending all the money she is making from the sales of that song!

Heather Mills McCartney has suffered a relapse and is back in a wheelchair after being devastated by her break-up with husband Paul McCartney.Friends say Heather has hardly slept in the last two weeks due to her high-profile marital troubles. Heather recently had a revision amputation on her amputated leg.
One friend said of Heather, "We're very worried about her. She's at a very low ebb emotionally and physically. She is unable to walk and is in a wheelchair. She is in so much pain."
Another friend said, "She's in a very low place."

She weasled her way into Paul's life, got pregnant by him, married him and now 4 years later is divorcing him and getting over 300 million as part of the settlement.
Yep, she's LOW alright.
She can afford to get a new leg, a bunch of new legs in fact, probably an entire REAL leg for that matter.
No pity here. None for Paul either. How stupid can he be marrying this woman with no pre-nupt?

British glamour model Jordan says her most embarrassing moment ever was breaking wind in front of a group or journalists. She told Britain's Heat magazine: "I was being interviewed by four journalists when I did the loudest fart- it almost blew me off my chair. I did not admit that it was me."

That must be the single most positive thing about having massive breasts. Nobody would care if you farted or notice.

Jennifer Lopez has confessed that seeing her ex-Ben Affleck with his family makes her depressed. The thought of Ben and Jennifer Garner and their new baby makes her sick.
Jennifer told Britain's Star magazine: "Just raising the subject depresses me."
It is no secret that Jennifer wants to have children and she has even considered following the latest celebrity trend of adopting a baby. However, husband Mark Anthony, who already has three children of his own, seems to be reluctant.

Why doesn't Jennifer do what everybody else does and "forget" to take the pill......or two ....???

Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston recently spoke to ACCESS HOLLYWOOD about their new movie "The Break Up" Although Vince and Jen were making a movie about a couple that can't get along, they clicked immediately.
“I felt really safe with him,” Jen said. “That was the other thing. I immediately felt comfortable and like I'd known him for awhile.”
“She's got Elvis dust,” Vince smiled.
“What's Elvis dust?” the interviewer asked.
“It's unexplainable. People are drawn to her. Jennifer's the kind of person you could put in a room and all the kids would come over not even knowing who she is.” Vince explained.

Elvis dust? Does this mean when Vince is around her - he suddenly craves fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches ????

MAGAZINE SCANS....
Lindsay Lohan does her best young Elizabeth Taylor impression for INTERVIEW Magazine.

Christina Aguilera channels Marilyn Monroe for GQ Magazine.

Uma Thurman for VOGUE Magazine.

GREY'S ANATOMY WITHDRAWL....
For those who are fans....some pics to tie you over until next season. The cast was at a recent party for the season finale.
McDreamy in his shades....

George looking all dapper.

Addison and George pose together....Hmmm, they could have a fling next season and get some serious revenge on Meredith and Derek.

Alex looks good here.

OUT AND ABOUT....
While Britney is dropping the baby, Kevin is out with his drop out loser friends.

Cristiano Rinaldo. The portuguese soccer player.
Let's take a moment to savour this picture.............

At first I thought Jessica Alba caused a riot at the grocery store being her pretty self and all....then I realized this is her on the set of a film she is working on. Life imitates art .....she always has men at her feet and has to beat them off with sticks.

A parody of Nicole and Paris in the ring scrapping it out. This is all over the internet.

Speaking of Nicole Richie, I hear she likes really really big organs......

Paris spends her day with friends on a yacht.

Jessica Simpson au naturale.

Hugh and Drew on the set of their new film. I love both of them.

I bet Pamela Anderson farts all the time and nobody notices.

Mariah Carey is so humble. NOT.

Trout mouth Lisa Rinna.

AMERICAN IDOL season two winner - Reubin Studdard should be called Reubin the stud.

Speaking of studs.....

Uma Thurman and her huge man feet.

Teri Hatcher and her gorgeous little girl.

Sofia Varga looks so pretty.

Salma Hayek in the rain. I bet that guy wishes she was wearing a white t-shirt.

Christina Ricci has gained some weight (She was anorexic before) And she got a breast reduction. Very ironic for a Hollywood starlet ....but she looks FANTASTIC.

Pink performs in a funky cocktail dress.

Sharon Osbourne at the L.A airport. Did she forget Ozzy at the baggage claim?

Eva Longoria tells a friend what she REALLY sees in boyfriend Tony Parker.

Britney is learning! She's got someone else holding the kid now.

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 213

2006-05-17T20:27:00.000-05:00

Jennifer Lopez is reportedly expecting her first child with husband Marc Anthony, according to media reports. Jennifer recently appeared at an award ceremony sporting what appeared to be a small bump of a tummy and telltale grey roots. The following day, she abruptly cancelled her first concert tour without giving an explanation, further fuelling rumours of a pregnancy.

Gee, if grey roots and a round tummy are suppose to mean you're pregnant - then I've been carrying a fetus around since 1991.

Katie Holmes is reportedly exhausted and "constantly in tears" since giving birth to daughter Suri - sparking speculation she could have post partum depression. According to Britain's The Sun newspaper, friends say the actress breaks down and cries and seems "emotional and very tired" since giving birth. Last year Tom Cruise slammed Brooke Shields for admitting taking anti-depressants for post-natal depression.
One friend is quoted in Britain's The Sun newspaper as saying: "Katie told pals it's natural for new mums to experience strong emotions."

Yeah, but it's not natural for your husband to think you can deal with your mood swings and thoughts of suffocating your child by taking vitamins!

Paris Hilton's mother never got a gift from her heiress daughter. A gift bag containing nearly $10,000 worth of Christian Dior shoes, sunglasses, handbags and perfume was stolen from outside the Hilton home. A delivery person set the package down outside the home's gate to ring the intercom when a passenger in a passing car snatched the gifts.
"A fellow just whizzed by and grabbed the package." A spokesperson said.

Which is odd because usually it's one of the Hilton women who grab the delivery man's package.

Britney Spears who is already under the public eye for putting her son in danger several times is at it again....she was seen motoring through Malibu with the baby allegedly "lolling about" in his child seat.It has sparked fears the eight-month-old tot was not properly strapped into his chair.
An onlooker told Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper: "He didn't look properly strapped in at all. There certainly didn't appear to be any restraints on his shoulders."

Here's the pic, you decide. Baby Sean's a weeble. Weebles wobble but, they never fall down.
Mama Spears should get a citation for going out in public in curlers!!!!

Uma Thurman has always hated her body. The actress is renowned for her incredible body but, says she has never been comfortable with the way she looks.
She said, "I was always physically insecure. I had big feet, too tall, not co-ordinated, or together."

She forgot to mention she has legs up to her forehead. She may not be comfortable with her body but, everyone else is!

Paul McCartney and his wife of four years,Heather Mills, are separating. The couple said in a joint statement. "Both of us still care about each other very much but have found it difficult to maintain a normal relationship with constant intrusion into our private lives and we have actively tried to protect the privacy of our child," the statement continued. " We hope, for the sake of our baby daughter, that we will be given some space and time to get through this difficult period."

Stupid Paul never got Heather to sign a pre-nupt. Ironically, this works out great for Heather cuz she'll be able to stand on her own two feet. Now, she really has a leg up on Paul cuz he doesn't have a leg to stand on........ Ok, ok, I'll stop with the leg jokes.

Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey are having a battle of the divas. It all started when Christina told GQ Magazine, "Mariah was never cool to me. To the point that one time we were at a party and I think she got really drunk, and she had just really derogatory things to say to me in front of [Aguilera trails off] . . . But it was at that time that she had that breakdown, so she might have been very medicated."
When Mariah heard about this she spewed back, "I had hoped that Christina was in a better place now than the last time I saw her, when she showed up uninvited at one of my parties and displayed questionable behavior."

One of these women is a liar, a drunk and has a warped sense of perception.

And more fighting....Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are at each other's throats these days. It seems Paris and her sisterNicky weren't impressed with being interrupted by Lindsay on a recent night out. As Paris' rep explains: "Paris was having a conversation with a couple of friends, Lindsay approached her table and at that moment Paris felt she was being interrupted and didn't wish to speak to Lindsay. A couple of words were exchanged and Lindsay went back to her table."

It was probably nothing. Here's what I think happened.
Lindsay: "Paris, Nicky....you got any blow?"
Paris: "No, all out."
Lindsay: "Ok, later...."
You know how these things always get blown out of proportion.

MAGAZINE SCANS....
Life & Style Magazine says Britney's got a divorce plan. (Yeah, she's NOT getting one) Also focus's on celeb diet secrets. Probably involving seaweed and vomiting every two hours.

STAR Magazine claims Denise Richards and Richie Sambora have run off together. Also the best and worst bikini bodies.

IN TOUCH WEEKLY reports Heather Locklear has already had enough of David Spade.

US WEEKLY says Britney has given Kevin an ultimatum to clean up his act or get out. This is ultimatum number what? I have lost track.

OUT AND ABOUT
Britney really is stupid. Um, I meant pregnant. Stupid and pregnant.

Jennifer Garner glows as she arrives at the David Letterman show.

Ellen Pompeo who plays Meredith on Grey's Anatomy. Her anatomy is looking a little grey if you ask me...

Drew Barrymore hails a cab.

Katie and Tom at his kids soccer game. Katie's stretch marks are showing...if you click the image you can see it better. Yeah, I'm mean but, your worse cuz I know you are going to click.

Sandra Bullock and her hubby Jesse on the bleachers.

Courtney Love trying shoes on. Note to self: Do not wear low cut top to try shoes on unless sales clerk is Brad Pitt look-a-like.

Jennifer Love Hewitt loves reading the tabloids. Hopefully she'll skip the page where they butcher her new awful haircut.

She wore an itsy bitsy teenie weenie....polka dot....It's Jessica Alba looking gorgeous.

Tom Hanks at a premiere of his new film "DAVINCI INQUEST"

Most people undress Eva Longoria with their eyes. Drunken Teri Hatcher takes it literally.

And then there were two. Elliot's gone.....

Now she protects his head.

CUZ I SAID SO!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 212

2006-05-16T19:05:00.000-05:00

Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell has given birth to a baby girl, The Sun newspaper reported.
A spokesman said, "Mother and daughter are doing fine."
Halliwell's mother was at her bedside and the baby was delivered by caesarian section. The newspaper claimed Halliwell refused to allow the baby's father, screenwriter Sacha Gervasi, to attend the birth.

So let me get this straight. Geri had a boy and as a result had a girl but, wouldn't let the boy who made her have a girl go in the room while she had the girl?
Oh boy.

Brad Pitt's ex lovers, Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow, are teaming up to star in a new film. The two actresses are reportedly planning to co-star in a new thriller - with Aniston playing the villain.
A source said: "Brad's ears will be burning. They will have plenty to talk about."

What??? Up until now I thought Gwyneth and Jennifer were the same person. They're both blonde, thin, whiny and always telling the press stuff nobody cares about. Then again, the two of them have both slept with Brad Pitt and I havn't so what the hell do I know?

Alanis Morissette claims that she was bitter when she first grew breasts. She says she was a complete tomboy growing up and was left unhappy after her chest developed when she reached puberty.
She said: "Looking back, it was quite hard, because there's no greater indicator that you can't just hang out with boys for the rest of your life than when you grow breasts. I was angry about it. "

I'm confused. I thought growing breasts GUARANTEED you would always have boys hanging around for the rest of your life....

Nicole Richie says she has never watched former best friend Paris Hilton's sex tape because it would "gross" her out. Rumor has it that Nicole fell out with Paris after showing Paris's x-rated video to friends at a party. Nicole has now vehemently denied carrying out the impromptu viewing. She said: "A, I don't watch porn, and B, I don't want to see someone I've known forever having sex. I mean, that's gross!"

I have not known Paris forever and I still don't want to see her have sex. In fact the only scenario I can think of where Paris Hilton getting it on would be sizzling would be if she was doing it on a campfire. Right on top of it.
Now, that's hot!

Victoria Beckham has a new tattoo to commemorate the first time she had sex with husband David. Victoria arranged to have '8th May' - the night the pair got intimate for the first time in 1997 - inscribed on her wrist. A friend told Britain's Sunday Mirror newspaper: "David had remembered their first night of passion from all those years ago. Victoria hadn't remembered the exact dates but, was shocked when David told her he did. She knew then that she had to mark the occasion with something permanent."

Not only would I have gotten the tattoo by now if I were Victoria....it would be on my forehead!

MAGAZINE SCANS....
Christina Aguilera in GQ Magazine.

Pamela Anderson in OK!

Mandy Moore in ELLE.

Beyonce and sister Solange.

MOTHER'S DAY....
Angelina still in Africa and hanging out with Maddox.

Debra Messing and her son Roman.

Gwyneth with Apple and her son Moses.

Julia Roberts and one of her twins Phinneaus.

Melissa Joan Hart and baby boy Morgan.

Kate Hudson and son Ryder.

OUT AND ABOUT.....
Daddy's girl Jessica Simpson and her doggie Daisy.

Heather Locklear in an interesting pose.

Kelly Osbourne actually looks great here.

George Michael.....not so much. Yikes what happened to him??? I hope he still doesn't want my sex cuz he ain't getting it! Yuck!

Meg Ryan looks confused.

Nicole and Keith at a gala event.

Teri Hatcher looks like she just smoked a big fat joint.

Ryan Phillipe is easy on the eyes.

Pamela Anderson really should wear a bra to her kid's baseball games.

Hilary Duff brings a cake to a party. She should eat some of it.

Charlize Theron and her dogs at the beach.

Britney in curlers speeding down the highway with a clumped over baby Sean in the back seat. Which is ironic cuz that's where he was probably conceived.....and Britney probably slept through it as well.

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 211

2006-05-15T19:20:00.000-05:00

Gwen Stefani who is 8 and a half months pregnant, has broken her finger after a nasty accident involving a sewing machine. Gwen has been spotted sporting a splint and cast after an attempt at dress-making went wrong. It can’t be too bad, she was seen having her nails done at a nail salon and later holding hands with her husband, Gavin Rossdale.

I hope it wasn't her middle finger. She's going to need that when she's in labor!!

Johnny Depp is the nicest celebrity when it comes to signing autographs while Cameron Diaz is the worst, according to a new list from Autograph Collector magazine. Depp, followed by George Clooney, topped the magazine's 14th annual survey of Hollywood's best and worst signers. An insider revealed,"Many stars become bad signers once fame and fortune hits, but not Depp. He's even signed autographs for crowds at the airport while carrying luggage."

In all fairness to Cameron Diaz, she doesn't stop to sign autographs because she is always in a rush. To get home to Justin Timberlake. Can you blame her?

After more than two years as Jessica Simpson's personal assistant, CaCee Cobb finally told her childhood friend that she wanted out.. Simpson's rep confirms the professional parting of ways to Us Weekly, "It's true. They remain close."

Oh oh. Now what's Jessica going to do? No Nick, no personal assistant. She won't last a day without needing someone to explain every thing most of us take for granted. For instance, what you do when you get to a STOP sign. How to buy tuna that isn't from the sea. The fact that an appliance needs to be plugged in before it will work.....

Nick Lachey wants to get married again as soon as his divorce from Jessica Simpson is finalized. He told America's Access Hollywood TV show: "For me, a phase was certainly going through that emotion of not wanting to marry again. But I'm a romantic at heart. I don't want to be a 'serial marrier' but at the same time, I just can't imagine not being married again."Nick has also denied claims he has a new woman in his life.

Does that mean he has an old woman in his life?

Paris Hilton unveiled her new video game this weekend but, called it by the wrong name as she greeted crowdsfans and photographers. Hilton made a brief appearance at the Electronic Entertainment Expo to promote "Paris Hilton's Jewel Jam."
"Sorry I'm late," the heiress said. "I'm really excited to have my new video game, 'Diamondquest.' Thank you all for coming, and you can download the game." she said.

You can also download Paris's sex tapes...but, let's face it -none of us want to.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are launching a range of African home ware products. The couple are working with local craftsmen in Namibia to create an assortment of rugs, pottery and other household items. The collection will be launched at an art fair in Paris this September. A source revealed: "It combines their two passions. Brad's involved with design and Angelina is committed to humanitarian work."
All proceeds from the collection will be donated to a local Namibian community.

What a great idea! Do we get to see Brangelina making the pottery together...like that scene from "Ghost?". Where do I sign up to get a piece of that? I meant the clay......... I think.

Just thought I would throw this in for fun. I found it on the internet. An Angelina Barbie complete with maternity clothes.

Katie Holme's parents never got to see their granddaughter Suri until the recent "Mission Impossible 3" premiere in L.A. That's two and a half weeks after thier granddaughter was born. The Holmes' were specifically not invited until Tom was back home in L.A after his worldwide promotional tour and could monitor the baby’s first visit with her maternal grandparents.

I bet Katie's wondering when the hell she gets to finally see the baby!

TV NEWS...

Chris Daugthty's fans aren't quite ready to let him go even thout he got voted off American Idol last week. At least one online petition, with more than 16,000 names attached, is calling for a recount of the "American Idol" votes. The network has received numerous e-mails and bulletin board posts claiming that voters who dialed the first of Daughtry's two phone numbers were greeted by a recorded message from "Idol" singer Katharine McPhee, thanking the caller for voting for her. According to Wednesday night's show, McPhee received the second-lowest number of votes, after Daughtry.

PLEASE BRING CHRIS BACK!!! Fantastic news. I hate Katharine.

PRISON BREAK season finale is on Monday!! I don't want to spoil it for you but, Scofield ditches his plan to save his brother and just ends up at my house. The very last scene is him ringing my doorbell just as I am coming out of the shower.

And now a new show getting all the buzz called VANISHED.
Pictured below clockwise from left :: Joanne Kelly, John Allen Nelson, John Patrick Amedori, Margarita Levieva, Chris Egan, Robert Hoffman (She's The Man), Rebecca Gayheart (Nip/Tuck), Ming Na (ER), and Gale Harold (Queer As Folk). The Vanished premire will air Fall 2006 on FOX. Speaking of fox....Gale Harold is one! I am going to get my Scofield fix after all!! (It won't be Scofield, but, pretty close!)

OUT AND ABOUT.....
Looks like Fergie decided to actually wear her shower curtain.

Jennifer Garner is adorable walking with baby Violet who is 5 months old!

Rumor has it Ashlee Simpson got plastic surgery. She won't confirm nor deny it. Only her nose knows.

Beyonce is hot. So hot she is sweating.

Tom Cruise on ELLEN last week. He didn't bring any baby pictures so Ellen made a mural of baby photos and asked Tom to pick the kid that looked the closest to his. No word on if any of the baby pics were aliens.

Teri Hatcher at the airport. She looks a pink popsicle. A pink popsicle stick.

Lindsay Lohan getting out of the front seat of a car half dressed. Gee, that's a switch. She's usually getting in the back seat.

Prince between his back up dancers who go by the name "Twinz"

Jordan and her twins.

Chloe Sevigny is very brave to pose next to Eva Mendes.

Here is an oxymoron. Pac Mac (Who loves to eat...GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE) and Nicole Richie (who doesn't)

What a surprise! What's Kevin Federline doing in a liquor store??? The shock of it all....

Oprah at an event promoting her show that features her LEGENDS BALL.

Mariah Carey brought her legends to the ball.

Jessica Simpson looks confused. What else is new.

Kelly Osbourne sitting in a tree....K-I-S-S-I-N-G. She's got a new boyfriend and they are vacationing in Maui. Poor things.

Lindsay Lohan takes the runway with her buddy Nicole Richie at a fashion show.

Nicole turns sideways and POOF!!! She's gone.

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 210

2006-05-12T18:48:00.000-05:00

If you want to know Gwyneth Paltrow's yoga secrets, you'll have to pay $65,000. And, believe it or not, someone's doing just that. An unidentified fan won the highest bid at a charity auction in aid of The Prince's Trust's 30th anniversary. Gwyneth said, "Someone's spent a great deal of money on it. Unfortunately I can't do it in the nude or anything to make it really exceptional but I will try and come up with a good plan for a yoga lesson."

I bet her husband Chris Martin made the bid. Except he wouldn't of spent the money to see her naked. You see, yoga is a very peaceful, calming exercise that requires you to breathe deeply and NOT TALK.

David and Victoria Beckham are planning yet another gigantic bash with lavish entertainment. This time they are desperate to hire burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese to do a dance to entertain their guests. A source told the Daily Mirror: "The party has a naughty theme and Victoria and David feel Dita will be perfect. She's known for her outlandish on-stage routines... Her shows usually consist of little clothing (by the end, anyway) and she's been told that nothing is off limits."

Why oh why can't the Beckhams see that the best candidate for naughty entertainment is right in their own home! (And I don't mean Victoria)

Porn star Stefani Morgan claims that Tommy Lee rules between the sheets. She told America's FHM magazine: "Everyone asks me, 'So how's the sex with Tommy?' I have no complaints. I've had a lot of great sex with other people before, and with Tommy it's awesome."
Stefani also claims she and Tommy are smitten with each other and she is hopeful the pair's relationship will develop into something more serious.

Yes because men always want to settle down with a porn star. I can see how she could be smitten with Tommy. He has a huge.............personality.

Vince Vaughn has FINALLY confirmed he is dating Jennifer Aniston. He finally opened up for the first time about the relationship while appearing on 'The Oprah Winfrey Show' this week.
He said: "Jennifer's great. She's one of my favourite people. She's just really smart and funny and easy to be with - very considerate. She's great."
The talk show host went on to grill him about his plans for the future - including starting a family. Vaughn confessed: "I think having children takes a lot of focus, takes a lot of attention.

Focus and attention don't seem to be one of Vince's strongest suits.

Angelina Jolie has reportedly turned downed Brad Pitt's marriage proposal yet again. The very pregnant actress is refusing to walk down the aisle. A source revealed to Britain's Grazia magazine: "Brad has literally got down on his knees to beg Angelina to change her mind but she laughs pulls him to his feet, kisses him and says, 'Let's not ruin something so perfect'."

She probably meant Brad's perfect knees.

Portia De Rossi credits her girlfriend Ellen DeGeneres with saving her from anorexia. Portia had suffered with the eating disorder since she was a teenager and the illness got worse when she was cast as Nell Porter in hit US TV show Ally McBeal.
De Rossi says, "Learning to be more honest is probably the biggest influence that Ellen has had on me. Ellen has never really worried about her weight and is more on the side of feeling angry that for women to be perceived as beautiful, they need to be skinny."

That Ellen. So smart.

Kevin Federline, who already has a girl and a boy with former partner Shar Jackson - is expecting a second child with wife Britney Spears. As you know they already have a son.
A friend of the couple said: "Kevin would love another girl."

Ofcourse Kevin probably wasn't referring to his unborn child. He just meant he wants another girl....

Britney Spears may be pregnant with her second child, but the singer says she’s ready to strip for a movie role. She wants to make a movie with George Clooney. And she’s prepared to take it all off. Britney said: "I'd like to do something with George Clooney. He's pretty cute, but don't tell my husband."

Kevin couldn't be reached for comment. I suspect Kevin wouldn't care what Britney does as long as there is cold beer in the fridge and pot in his back pocket.

George Clooney couldn't be reached for comment either....but, I have a pretty good idea of what his reaction will be.

Whitney Houston has furiously denied reports she has been diagnosed with a deadly brain tumour, and has threatened US tabloid The National Enquirer with legal action. Houston's publicist says: "It's an absolute lie and Ms Houston is evaluating her legal options at this time."

Ofcourse it's a lie. With all that crack she smokes she has no brain left!

MAGAZINE SCANS

According to US WEEKLY Britney wants out. Apparently she was going to leave Kevin but, then got trapped by her surprise 2nd pregnancy.
Does she know there are pills you can take? You can also say no.

LIFE & STYLE Magazine claims Jessica is getting revenge on Nick by being all sexy and Nick's in tears. Yeah, from laughing so hard!!

IN TOUCH WEEKLY claims Richie has now dumped Denise. Wow, that didn't last very long but, they never do.

STAR Magazine is obsessed with weight this week. Who's up, who's down, who's not eating, who needs to lose a few...and they wonder why these celebrities have body issues!

OK! Magazine says Nick wants to try again. The poor sod.

Tyra Banks who is now a retired supermodel is Lucky to be on the cover of LUCKY.

OUT AND ABOUT...
Carmen Electra walks down the street and makes all the men's eyes bug out.

Lindsay Lohan seconds away from a wardrobe malfunction.

My favorite IDOL contender Chris is gone. Sniff sniff.

Fergie and her sister Dana at the premiere of Fergie's new movie PSYEIDON.

Jennifer Aniston and real life "friend" Courtney Cox at an party for Courtney's in-laws.

Brazillian model Gisele on MTV demonstrating how she can use her sex appeal to sell a boring product.

Michelle Rodriguez of LOST looks...well, lost.

Ellen cuddles up to Kanye West.

EGAD...Jessica Simpson leaving the recording studio. That can only mean one thing. She is coming out with a new album.

Meanwhile, Nick is promoting his new cd.

Scarlett Johansson on the set of her new movie "The Nanny Diaries"

Nicole Richie and Mischa Barton go shopping.

Teri Hatcher at a book signing for her book "Burnt Toast"

Pink really exposes her self when she sings. Literally.

Wentworth Miller .............aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh

Ryan Seacrest pretending to be excited about the Stanley Cup. Nice try Ryan but, we know you are really checking out the hockey players! (Not that there's anything wrong with that)

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 209

2006-05-11T19:33:00.000-05:00

Access Hollywood broke the news that Britney Spears surprised David Letterman on Tuesday with an unexpected appearance and confirmation on-air that she is pregnant. She brought her 8-month-old son Sean Preston along with her.
"Don't worry, Dave, it's not yours," the singer joked.
"Oh. Well, I think that's good news for both of us," Letterman responded.

Britney is four and a half months pregnant. Her stomach announced it before she did. And doesn't she have other things to do then just show up on David Letterman unannounced? I guess Kevin didn't come home again and she got bored.

And speaking of....Britney Spears has refused to fund her husband's lifestyle anymore. A friend of Britney said: "Kevin asked Britney for money to go to Las Vegas in two weeks, but she shut him down. Britney told him that she won't be funding his trips with his friends any longer - he used to fly everyone out on her dime. The monthly allowance she had put him on seems to be disappearing after only one week."

One thing's for sure.... we know Kevin's not spending the money on clothes. Or toothpaste. Or shampoo. Or soap. Or condoms.

In an interview with E! Entertainment, Madonna admitted one area of her life that is not so perfect. She said, "I'm always going, 'Oh God, I'm a crap mother.' I want to get home and put my kids to bed. And then sometimes, if I'm spending a lot of time with my children, I think, 'Oh God, I just want to be an artist.'"
She also said her nine-year-old daughter Lourdes' isn't always crazy about having a famous mom. Madonna explained, "Sometimes she doesn't want me to come to certain things because she knows everyone is going to pay attention to me and then they'll treat her differently."

I don't blame the kid. In ten years, Madonna will be 57 and I bet she will still have rock hard thighs. Lourdes better start doing squats now if she ever hopes to steal the spotlight.

Jennifer Lopez is turning grey. It seems her roots were clearly visible down the centre parting of her otherwise golden locks at an awards ceremony on the weekend. An onlooker said: "People could barely believe their eyes. She looked stunning in every other way but everyone was distracted by the inch-thick grey-white root. "

I guess if you click on this photo you can see the roots up close. I didn't bother. If I wanted to see grey roots I would look in the mirror. What a stupid story.

Victoria Beckham is planning a holiday with Sienna Miller. Victoria is reported to have introduced herself to the actress by saying, "it's nice to meet someone who's almost as unpopular as me."
A source told Scotland's Daily Record newspaper: "You can certainly say it broke the ice between them. After that they spent a whole evening together gossiping like old mates."

Didn't one of the Beckham's nannies claim to have slept with David a few years back? I am sure Sienna and Victoria do have more in common than they realize! For example, Sienna is on/off again with cheating Jude and the world wants to see Victoria's hubby nude.
Ok, so not common, but, it rhymes and it's true.

Ashlee Simpson says her sister's divorce has put her off getting married. The demise of Jessica and Nick's relationship has affected Ashlee. She confessed: "I've watched Jessica go through a really hard time. Marriage is definitely not on my mind. I'm absolutely in love and in a committed relationship, but we live day-to-day. "

Don't worry Ashlee. If you can fake a live performance, you can fake a marriage.

In recent weeks, it was reported Simpson had been visiting a Mexican orphanage to choose a prospective son or daughter. However, Simpson says, "I'm not adopting a child! No, not yet. I support an orphanage in Mexico. That's where all those rumours came from."
Jessica says she just laughs off all the reports that she is in the process of adopting an orphan.

Yeah, we laugh them off too.

Star Jones Reynolds will no longer be on The View. Apparently ABC will announce this week that Star is on her way out to make room for the incoming Rosie O'Donnell (Who will be replacing Meredith Viera). A source says, "It was always Rosie's condition of joining the show, and Barbara Walters agreed to those conditions"
Star's reps deny the rumors by saying, "It's 100 percent not true. Where are you hearing this?" But those denials come on the heels of reports that Oprah Winfrey's best friend, Gayle King, may be in line to take over Star's chair.

And that used to be a big chair to fill. Now, .....not so much.
I think I prefer Star Jones to Rosie O'Donnell. (Did I say that out loud?)

The latest person accusing Charlie Sheen of being a pervert is an actual pimp. Jason Itzler, says Charlie hired two of his hottest girls to dress up like cheerleaders and do a lesbian act. The pimp also says Charlie spent $20,000 for Cheryl, a blond and Victoria, a dark-haired beauty for a romp.
Jason revealed, "They loved Charlie. They said he was a great guy, a great lover and had a big [bleep]."

Since when do great guys with big bleeps have to pay for sex???? I hope in his next life he is a prostitute. A popular one. With a large clientelle of big, fat bellied, smelly, sweaty, hairy men. Hey, I am a great believer in karma.

MAGAZINE SCANS
Charlize Theron in MAXX Magazine.

Jamie Pressley (My Name Is Earl) is the featured celebrity in this month's MAXIM.

Another scan of Britney in GLAMOUR Mag.

Penelope Cruz in the French version of ELLE Magazine.

OUT AND ABOUT.....

Lock up your fathers. Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson are clubbing together. I bet Paris has never felt so flat and Pamela so smart.

Nicole Richie on a rollercoaster. Aren't there weight restrictions on these things? Shouldn't you have to weigh at least as much as a bowling ball?

Lindsay Lohan surrounded by people who probably mistook her for Kate Moss.

Britney out shopping for a hat for baby Sean. She should be buying him a friggin helmut!

Anna Kournikova cuddles up to longtime lover Enrique Iglesias.

Dita Von Teese in a commercial for this car.

Sienna Miller with long hair extensions on the set of her new movie.

Brooke Shields and her hubby, daughter and new baby girl.

Denise Richards and her daughter.

Brooke Hogan and her nasty diamond teeth she wore for her new video.

Tom Cruise looks uncomfortable. Ofcourse, he's surrounded by women.

Britney leaving the David Letterman show. Duh, I think she forgot the baby inside.

Besides Brangelina, this is my favorite couple. Here are Rachel Adams and Ryan Gossling.

Jay-Z and Beyonce hit the beach.

Lindsay Lohan at the premiere of her new movie "Just My Luck." Yeah, perfect title...considering I have no idea how this chick keeps getting hired.

Jennifer Garner and Reese Witherspoon at a charity event to raise money for children who survived Hurricane Katrina.

Jennifer Garner at one point is moved to tears......

Probably because she can't figure out how to use her %%$#!!&**%$ digital camera!
I hate when that happens.

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F'S Volume 208

2006-05-09T18:24:00.000-05:00

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott got married Sunday on a private tropical island in Fiji, People magazine reported. Why the big rush? Tori claimed, "We didn't want to wait another day to get married." While Dean added, "I've never had as much of a desire to get married and make a woman my wife as I've had with her. The feeling is overwhelming."

I guess the wife of 12 years he left to be with Tori didn't give him this overwhelming urge? Or is it just that his ex had no money?

Remember last week I told you Britney Spears had invited selected journalists and record industry execs to a press conference? Well, the twit never showed up. She has now kept everyone guessing as she did not reveal why she was calling the press conference. There has been no word about why the plan was scrapped or whether it will be rescheduled.

She probably called the press conference to divert the press. Her and Kevin probably went shopping to buy Sean Preston a helmut and they didn't want children's services to find out about it.

Meanwhile, Kevin Federline was asked a very personal question during an interview on satellite radio station Power 106FM. They asked him "Who was better in bed? Shar Jackson or your wife Britney?
Kevin wisely answered, "My wife".
During the interview, Kevin also revealed' that if Britney use gave him a free pass for a threesome he would choose Jessica Alba.

Jessica Alba could not be reached for comment but, I am pretty sure she is laughing so hard she can't talk.

Scarlett Johansson has left L'Oreal upset after refusing to strip for their latest advertisement. Scarlet who is their latest spokesperson, has reportedly refused to show off her body for their new campaign. Apparently she wants to change her sexy image. A source told Britain's The Mail on Sunday newspaper: "Understandably L'Oreal, which spent a fortune signing Scarlett, and actresses Eva Longoria and Penelope Cruz, want her sexy screen siren glamour.

I guess Scarlett feels getting naked for L'Oreal just isn't "worth it"

Tom Cruise has ordered topless scenes of his fiancee Katie Holmes to be cut from her latest film. Tom insisted that Katie's sexy stripping scenes in 'Thank You For Not Smoking' go against his strict Scientology beliefs, which instruct followers to act with decency and integrity.
A source said: "Tom wasn't too pleased when he found out about Katie. She flashed quite a lot of flesh and he didn't think it was appropriate because of their Scientology beliefs. And Katie was happy to go along with it."

The fact that Katie just bore this madman's child says to me that she's happy to go along with anything.

Nicole Kidman has poured out her heart about her feelings for ex-husband Tom Cruise. Tbe couple divorced in 2000. However, Nicole told magazine Ladies Home Journal she's still very fond of the nut bar.
The actress says, "He was huge; still is. To me, he was just Tom, this lovely man, but to everybody else, he is huge. But he was lovely to me. And I loved him. I still love him."

Tom must of not removed all the 'Stepford' electroids from Nicole's head before he divorced her!
Cover your head when lightning strikes Nicole!

Lionel Richie is taking the blame for his daughter Nicole's skinny body. He says she took the brunt of the stress during his highly publicised, expensive divorce to second wife Dianne Alexander. Lionel is so worried about his adoptive daughter, that he confronted her about her weight problem.
He told Britain's Sunday Mirror newspaper: "When I saw how thin she was I was concerned and worried. I would love to see her with more meat on her."

Stupid Lionel didn't see the signs. His daughter was once, twice, three times a lady. And now clearly...she's not.

Denise Richards has banned Charlie Sheen's parents from seeing their granddaughters. It seems that Denise is so furious with her estranged husband - that she is cutting her children's grandparents, Martin and Janet Sheen, out of their lives.
A source revealed to America's New York Post newspaper as saying: "They are devastated. Both grandparents are devoted to those children. They didn't think they would be treated like this."

If Denise really wants to punish Charlie's parents she should tie them to a chair and make them watch all of her movies.

Ashlee Simpson has a crush on a woman. Blondie's Deborah Harry. Ashee recently revealed to Britain's Elle magazine: "I watched a video of her and I was like, 'Ohmigod!' She's so cute and that attitude! I love her and Chrissie Hynde. They're great musicians and sexy women."

Does Ashlee realize Blondie is old enough to be her grandmother? Deborah's face has more lines than a road map.
Yesterday I said Ashlee got the brains in the family. I stand corrected.

MAGAZINE SCANS
More of Madonna horsing around in W Magazine.

Britney cleans up nice for June's issue of GLAMOUR.

Brazillian supermodel Adriana Lima in VOGUE.

OUT AND ABOUT....
Jennifer Love Hewitt desperately tries to sex up her soccer mom haircut. It's not working.

I don't know WTF Paula Abdul is doing and I can guarantee you she doesn't either.

Carmen Electra is such a showoff. I just bought all her strip aerobic DVD and I should be doing this in no time.

Celine Dion's perverted husband is trying to get a threesome going with Celine's wax figure likeness.

Britney forgot to put Sean's helmut on.

Brooke Hogan in a clip from her new music video.

Cindy Crawford. Yes, the supermodel. Not so super without make up apparently.

Geri Halliewell arriving at the baby shower thrown in her honor by George Michael.

Christina Aguilera arrives at another baby shower. This one is for Gwen Stefani! Christina bought an extravagant baby gift....no doubt.

Demi, Ashton and her eldest daughter out on the town.

Julia Roberts out on a school night.

Tom drags Katie around.

Something tells me she is breast feeding.

Prince William at a wedding. What a strapping young lad.

Nick Lachey on the set of an AXE commercial.

Eva Longoria poses with the newly redheaded Jessica Simpson. If she thinks dying her head red will make her less blonde....it won't.

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony show affection. I guess Ben Affleck is at the same party??

Janet Jackson looking good. Miss Jackson if you're nasty.

Michael Douglas and Heather Locklear at a celebrity golf tournament. If Richie Sambora showed up there would be a lot of "FORE!!!" yelled out.

Eva Longoria poses for the cameras.

Courtney Cox is hanging out with Sheryl Crow now. I guess Courtney is sick of hearing the dirt on Brad and now wants the dirt on Lance.

Would the owner of a white t-shirt please go to the parking lot?You left your mammoth headlights on.

Did you watch the break out??? I missed most of it. Too busy blogging....

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F'S Volume 207

2006-05-08T19:33:00.000-05:00

"Sopranos" star James Gandolfini took a tumble after his motor scooter collided with a taxi in New York, but was said to be unhurt. Gandolfini, who plays mob boss Tony Soprano on the hit HBO series, was motoring along a street in when the accident happened. He left the scene in another taxi and arranged for his squashed Italian scooter to be picked up to be fixed.

I bet that cab driver has broken kneecaps and is swimming with the fishes.

Paris Hilton's ex-boyfriend of two days is already chasing Lindsay Lohan. Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos is desperately trying to hook up with Lindsay after they partied together n Beverly Hills last weekend.
An insider told America's People magazine: "He has been calling her all the time."

I guess he got sick of dating a slutty blonde with no brains, morals who likes to party all the time and wanted a redhead....with those same qualities, just for a change.

Victoria and David Beckham really don't have everything they want. The couple who have three sons, Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz, are reportedly so desperate for a daughter they have been researching ways to dictate a baby's sex.
A source told Britain's Grazia magazine: "David is really keen for Victoria to have another baby. But he wants a girl. He's found out through talking to people that you have more chance of conceiving a girl if you do things like have sex standing up on certain days of the month."

Or maybe he just wants to see his wife with some meat on her and the only way he can think of is to get the broomstick pregnant.

Tom Cruise is trying to end his public feud with Brooke Shields. The fight started last year after Brooke recommended prescription drugs for new moms suffering from post-partum depression. Tom who is a Scientologist, is opposed to the prescription of drugs to aid depression and publicly fired off at Shields.But after the two stars found themselves in the same hospital last month - ironically becoming parents on the same day, Tom decided to make amends.
He says, "We sent her a gift and I'm really happy for her... We sent her a basket."

He sent her a basket? Let me guess....there was a case in the basket.
Get it? BASKET CASE.
Ha, ha, ha , ha, I crack myself up.

Angelina Jolie has defended herself against allegations that she “stole” Brad Pitt from his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. She claims that Brad had already split up with Jennifer before they got together.
Angelina said, “I wouldn’t be attracted to a man who would cheat on his wife. But I’ve grown too much to be hurt by what people’s opinions of my love live is. That doesn’t hurt me.I don’t read the gossip - although it is never nice when the world feels entitled to an opinion about your family.”

I don't know why everybody wants to blame Angelina. You can't really blame Brad either. He'd had to have been dead not to notice her inner and outer beauty. He'd spend a day filming with Angelina with her goodwill stories, which press conference she was going to bring awareness to, which country she was flying to, which one of her adopted children brought joy to her life..... and then go home to ho-hum Aniston who's biggest dilemma was - was she going to have to make out with Ross or Joey the next day???
See what I'm saying?? No contest.

And...Brad Pitt has reportedly asked his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston to stop calling him after she hounded him over a film script. Prior to their divorce Pitt and Aniston’s production company Plan B had been working on a film ‘The Senators Wife’ specifically for Aniston to star in. Now the couple have split and Aniston has extremely limited interest in the company her fee for the film has been inexplicably slashed. After learning this, Jennifer called Brad to ask him to intervene.
An aide of Aniston’s allegedly told Star magazine: “Jen called Brad because she wanted to sort this wrangle out. “She is shocked that her contract has been seemingly altered and she wants Brad to intervene. Brad told Jennifer the original fee would be honoured, but he also asked her politely to ‘stop badgering’ him.

If Jennifer has "moved on" and is over Brad then she needs to stop acting like a "Single, White Female!"

Ashlee Simpson is rumored to have gone under the knife for a new nose.
"Ashlee's thrilled with the results," said a friend. "She basically had the bump on her nose shaved down. She felt like the ugly duckling of the family compared to Jessica. "

Jessica may be prettier in some people's eyes but, Ashlee is the only one in the family who has any brains. And last time I checked Hollywood Surgeons havn't figured out how to incorporate brain transplants into their surgery regimes.

MAGAZINE SCANS
Nicole Richie in VANITY FAIR.

A scan from STAR MAGAZINE Showing Janice Dickinson's trout lips. UGHH is right!

Ashlee Simpson's new nose on the right. She looks like Jessica now.

Paris Hilton smoking a joint.

A scan of Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsey.

Mischa Barton in a new Got Milk ad. I think she looks like Paris Hilton. Only, if this was Paris that wouldn't be milk on her lip. Hee hee.

Marilyn Manson's wife Dito Von Teese sizzles in this magazine shot.

OUT AND ABOUT....
Just two weeks after silently popping out Tom's kid, Katie is seen at a premiere of Mission Impossible III with her hubby.

I wonder if when she watched his new movie if she was allowed to comment on how bad it was or if she had to keep quiet.

Johnny Depp even looks hot when he is grunged up.

Gwen Stefani is 9 months pregnant now! She's all tummy.

Pink performs in Asia.

George Michael and his long time partner. I guess this guy is who George was really singing to when he wrote "I want your sex" - They were at a baby shower for Geri Halliwell (a.k.a Ginger Spice) George hosted the shower, he and Geri are good friends. (Who knew?)

Kate Hudson goes for a dip.

Christina Aguilera puts on a fake smile in the back seat.
I will leave this comment alone....

VA-VA-VA-VOOM!!! Kirstie Alley looks fantastic. Not just because she lost weight, the woman is 54!!! You go girl!

Speaking of older women who look great....Demi rushes home to Ashton after working out at the gym.

Janet Jackson and her boyfriend Jermaine Dupris at the London Airport.

Nick Lachey has a mischeivious smile on his face while he films a commercial.

Denise Richards looks like all her divorce, cheating, Richie kissing, Heather battling, Charlie accusation problems are catching up with her.

Vince Vaughn on David Letterman. David tried to get Vince to admit he and Jennifer are dating. Vince wouldn't.

Rumor has it Britney is 4 months pregnant and baby Sean is only 5 months old. Britney Spears definitely looks like she is carrying another bun in the oven. The microwave oven...Holy crap she didn't waste anytime !!

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F'S Volume 206

2006-05-05T18:49:00.000-05:00

Nicole Richie spilled what's left of her guts to Vanity Fair recently. She told the magazine in its June issue, on newsstands Tuesday. "I eat the worst foods - salty cheese-and-grease kind of stuff. I get really stressed out, and I do lose my appetite, but I do force myself to eat. I tried to put the weight on my way, eating burritos, but that wasn't working, so I started seeing a nutritionist and a doctor. I'm not happy with the way I look right now."

Maybe cutting out the cocaine to just 45 times a day might help? But, I 'm not a doctor so wtf would I know?

Denise Richards, who is seeking a divorce from Charlie Sheen, says she is no longer friends with Heather Locklear, in the next issue of People magazine. Photos of Denise kissing Heather's estranged husband, Richie Sambora, recently appeared in celebrity magazines.
Denise said, "I wish Heather well, unfortunately, our friendship had to dissolve and I'm sad about that. The last thing I would want to do is create a media frenzy like this, especially as I'm trying to get through a divorce."

Yes, but, who's divorce exactly?

Tom and Katie Holmes have signed a $40 million pre-nuptial agreement. The couple, who just had a baby daughter, spent weeks thrashing out the details of the financial agreement, which determines who gets which assets if they ever split. A $14.7 million trust has been set up for Katie and her baby regardless of whether the couple wed. But, if they do marry and later divorce, Katie will receive an extra $26 million from Cruise.

Money has never been important to me but, $14 million might just be the incentive I would need to put up with a whackjob idiot and even bear his child. (Notice how I would never stick around long enough to collect for the extra $26 million? )

If in the next few months you see Anna Nicole Smith gain a few pounds and you wonder if TRIMSPA is losing it's touch....Anna will have a reason. She's pregnant. She is said to have conceived the child with the help of a friend.

Which friend? The drunk guy she met in a bar who mistook her Pamela Anderson and thus, the reason he slept with her???
I think a baby may be a good thing for Anna Nicole. Finally! Someone who may find her incoherent babbling amusing. Besides, the kid will NEVER go hungry...

On yesterday's Oprah Winfrey Show, Teri Hatcher of Desperate Housewives opened up about her short-lived romance with Ryan Seacrest and the infamous shots of them kissing on the beach. According to Hatcher, the American Idol host dumped her an hour after the photos were taken and she never heard from him again except when he called to say, "I don't think I can do this with you."

It's so obvious...Teri served her brief purpose which got Ryan some "straight" press. That should be a muffle on the gay rumors for a while. That is ofcourse until he's caught with his pants down at a bathhouse somewhere.

Angelina Jolie got the urge for peanut butter-filled chocs Reese's Pieces. But the treats were not to be found in Namibia, Africa. That didn't stop Angelina from satisfying her craving. A hotel source said, "The cry went out, but none of the sweets could be found. Angelina was so determined she ordered a huge box straight from the factory in Pennsylvania."

What? You mean my mother was right? She used to always say, "Eat your dinner! Kids in Africa are starving! They have nothing to eat and you don't know how good you have it!"
And all this time I just thought it was a ploy to get me to finish my rice. Sorry mom. I will appreciate every morsel of the next bag I demolish of Reese's Pieces. I promise.

Shakira is racing against time to learn the rules of soccer ahead of her performance at this year's World Cup in Germany.The singer has been asked to perform her new hit My Hips Don'T Lie before the championship final. She says, "I have no idea what a penalty is, but I'm going to learn because I understand the feelings soccer generates.

Ok, Shakira, if you are reading this, I will explain soccer to you. There are only three things you need to know to help you understand the "feeling" soccer generates.
#1 - Watch their legs closely when they run and you'll be able to see their thigh and hamstring muscles bulging. Make sure you have some cold water and a dishcloth nearby to cool you down.

#2 - Sometimes when they score a great goal, they take their shirts off and run around. Sometimes they get a penalty for this but, we forgive them because they are half naked.

#3 - This is the only time (Except for some other sports) that you will see heterosexual men grope, kiss, hug, slap asses and hump each other - all in the name of a black and white ball.
So enjoy it while you can.

Britney Spears has hired a new babysitter — for her husband. According to In Touch Weekly, a source divulged, “The last thing Britney wants to do is accompany Kevin on all his club dates. That’s why she hired a babysitter, a person who will keep Kevin from misbehaving and report directly back to her.”"

This is long overdue! Kevin has probably fallen and hit his head a thousand times by now. Boy, that would explain A LOT.

MAGAZINE SCANS

STAR MAGAZINE -Focus's on the Denise/Charlie/Heather/Richie saga.

OK! MAGAZINE - Poor Jennifer Aniston is still devastated by the Brangelina fetus. (Yawn)

US WEEKLY has Denise Richards side of the Denise/Charlie/Heather/Richie saga. Also Britney is pregnant and unhappy. (Gee, wonder why?)

IN TOUCH WEEKLY - Heather's side of the Denise/Charlie/Heather/Richie saga. (Notice how nobody wants Charlie Sheen's opinion)

LIFE & STYLE WEEKLY - All the Hollywood brides to be are happy. Ofcourse they are.....they aren't married yet.

W Magazine features Madonna this month on the cover.

Madge is also inside in a variety of provocative poses. No surprise there.

Nicole Richie in the Vanity Fair issue.

For someone who doesn't like how they look.....this is odd. Here she is kissing herself in the mirror while her bum is stuck out to Timbuck Two.

The album cover for Mariah's latest single. Wow, no cleavage??? Maybe she got yet another boob job and still has to wait for the bandages to come off.

A very romantic photo shoot of Heidi Klum and hubby Seal.

More Seal and Heidi. I love this picture!

A new PEPSI commercial with Eva Longoria. She probably thinks she got the gig because she is a good actress.
Notice how the commercial involves her running around in the rain in a flimsy dress.

Teri Hatcher has a new book called BURNT TOAST. Here's the ad.

OUT AND ABOUT....
Here's Teri Hatcher and her ex co-star from Superman days Dean Cain at a party for her book BURNT TOAST.

Gorgeous Nelly Furtado at MTV studios.

Christina Aguilera on the set of her new music video. She reminds me of Betty from the Archie comics here.

The Hilton sisters arrive at a party.

Pamela Anderson at her kid's baseball game.

Jamie Foxx admires the foxy Jessica Alba at a MTV event.

Ashlee Simpson out and about.

Jay-Z and Beyonce at a basketball game. He looks like he is trying to explain a play to her and she looks like she is trying to see if she is on the tv monitor.

Reese Witherspoon with her kids.
I guess you could say these are Reese's Pieces....shhh..don't tell Angelina...she may eat them!

Four left! Paris got voted off American Idol last night.

Elle MacPherson getting in her car.

Gwen and Gavin out for yet another stroll.

Heather Locklear must of just seen all the latest tabloid magazines with her face on them.

Janet Jackson lost all that weight so fast? Maybe she's on the Nicole Richie Burrito diet.

Jessica Simpson at the grocery store with her best friend, confidante and hairdresser.

Jessica Biel walks her puppies...um, I mean puppy.

Lindsay Lohan is even shocked that someone actually wants her autograph.
Poor thing...if she only knew they thought she was Hilary Duff....or it's a dirty old man who wants to look down her dress.

CUZ I SAID SO!

Celebrity W.T.F'S Volume 205

2006-05-03T18:47:00.000-05:00

Former Baywatch star Donna D'Errico has filed for divorce from husband Nikki Sixx, of Motley Crue, after nine years of marriage, reports CBS News. In 2000, the couple separated after the birth of their daughter Frankie-Jean, now 5, but D'Errico, 38, reconciled with Sixx, 48, after he completed a stint in rehab.

The only surprising part of this story is that they actually lasted nine years. That's like a silver anniversary in Hollywood!

Paris Hilton and her boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, have split, a source close to Hilton tells PEOPLE Magazine. When asked about the split, Hilton's rep, Elliot Mintz, says, "It is not my policy to comment on my client's private life. But I would not offer a denial."

Since when is his client's life private??? I guess Stavros finally got sick of her. Besides, why buy the cow when you don't even like how the milk tastes?

Lindsay Lohan has always had a crush on Nick Lachey and now he's single she can't wait to meet again. Lohan has said, "You better believe, the next time I see Nick Lachey out I'm going to attack him... He's such a dog, he'd go for it."
Lachey responded to the raunchy comments by saying, "I can safely say that I don't have any interest in Lindsay Lohan... nor do I understand anyone else that does."

Turns out Lindsay's the dog...not Nick. HA HA HA HA...No offense ofcourse to any dogs who may be reading this.

Britney Spears will hold a press conference on Thursday, but even her closest friends have no idea what she's going to announce. Britney has invited selected media representatives, journalists and record industry executives to the LA Convention Center. She has not revealed what the subject matter of the press conference will be, but it is widely anticipated she will officially announce her second pregnancy.

I don't think so. She will probably reveal that she finally looked at her self in a mirror and wants to apologize to her fans.

Jennifer Lopez thinks she is misunderstood.
J.Lo told People magazine: "They see me laughing, having a good time, and they may think, 'Oh, she's so ambitious and everything', but the thing is that I'm just a creative person."

Actually....we don't think that at all. Most people think J-Lo is famous for not being able to keep a relationship together...so please...get over yourself woman!

Tom Cruise has allegedly signed his fiancee up to a 'Buff Brides' exercise course to help her shed some baby weight pounds before their upcoming wedding. Katie is said to be "proud' of Tom's determination to get her fit. However, Tom's efforts have failed to impress Katie's father Martin, who has blasted his future son-in-law for pushing Katie to get in shape so soon after childbirth.
He told Britain's Reveal magazine: "My daughter needs rest, relaxation, and recuperation.
Katie is already doing exercises to build up her back and shoulders and I simply can't go along with what's happening."

First she can't make a peep while a 7lb baby comes out of her virginly womb, now she is expected to be in shape at the snap of his fingers??? He really is a raving lunatic. You know why he likes his women thin, with no hips, boobs or butt? Cuz then they are men.

Celine Dion was forced to cancel nearly a week of shows at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas because of a rare ear disease. She returned to work Friday and said she is suffering from a condition known as Labyrinthitis, which could last "from a couple weeks to a year," the Las Vegas Review-Journal reports.

Soon it will discovered that along with Celine all 1,574,267 people who paid ridiculous amounts to see her perform in Vegas also have this ear disease and that is why they enjoyed the concert so much.
They are gonna want their money back. Tout Suite!

MAGAZINE SCANS
Lindsay Lohan on the cover of SEVENTEEN in the Phillipines.

Jessica Alba in IN STYLE Magazine.

VANITY FAIR features Anderson Cooper.

TEEN People has Ashlee Simpson on the cover.

OUT AND ABOUT....
Christina and hubby out and about.

Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a porn star in her next feature film. Buffy the Vampire is now Slutty the Callgirl.

Courtney Love gives Paris Hilton tips on how to pass a drug urine test.

Jude Law and his son Rudy try and impress the new nanny....or maybe it's just a harmless game of patty-cake.

Jennifer Love Hewitt helps a paparrazzi who fell to get up. Stupid Jennifer...I bet this is how they get those upskirt, down shirt shots.

Gwen Stefani carries her dog around. Soon she'll be carrying a newborn. Some doggie is going to be very very jealous....

I take it one of these latte's are NOT for Charlie Sheen?? Unless it's the new STARBUCK'S special...arsenic chocolate delight.

Mary Kate and Ashley at a star studded gala for fashion.

Sienna Miller was also there. I like her better with the hair extensions.

OH MY GOD....Sarah Jessica Parker looks HORRIBLE!!!! And I never, ever, ever thought I would say that.

Victoria Beckham actualy looks ok in this dress....and I never ever ever thought I would say that!

Drew Barrymore is glowing and happy.

Marc and Jennifer also were at the event.

The TOP 5 performed tonight....my pick to go is ELLIOT.
Although Taylor sucked too.

Tom Cruise poses with the press at the opening of his MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3 Movie. That's one thing he is good at ....posing. He's such a poser.

And a new feature....my celebrity quote.
Called....CUZ he SAID SO! Today's he is WENTWORTH MILLER.

"It's my greatest hope that in 10 to 15 years there's some casting director in Los Angeles who says, 'I need a young Wentworth Miller'."

Isn't that what we ALL need? A young Wentworth Miller?
Sigh.

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F'S Volume 204

2006-05-02T19:49:00.000-05:00

Anna Nicole Smith won a unanimous supreme Court ruling and gets a new chance to collect millions of dollars she says her late Texas oil tycoon husband promised her. The justices overturned an appeals court ruling that the former topless dancer was entitled to nothing.

Well, she should get something for having to copulate with that shrivelled up old man. She's just lucky Viagra was still not approved by the FDA yet in those days. Then she would of REALLY had to earn it.

Pamela Anderson wants advertisers to stop using apes to sell products. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) activist wrote an opinionated piece that appeared in the Wall Street Journal. In the articles she writes, "King Kong is my hero. He's big, muscular, sensitive, a terrific actor and he's not real."
Pammy wants to bring attention to the issue because of the growing trend of forcing chimps to sell products on TV. Anderson goes on to explain that in order to get the animals to perform, they are often subjected to abuse and kept in brutal conditions.

I could be wrong...but, don't they also use animals in make up testing laboratories? For Pamela's sake, she better hope not!

Paris Hilton thinks smoking is sexy. She likes the way she looks when she sparks up a cigarette.
She said: "Smoking is so sexy. It's like so cool how you canl smoke everywhere in Britain.'

Yes- now that I think about it.... black lungs and wheezing emphysema breathing sounds make me tingle all over.

Sienna Miller is popping pills to enhance her bust. She claims she was left devastated after she dropped weight for her new movie role and her bust size dropped down to a 32B. She is hoping the herbal capsules, which promise to increase boobs by a cup size - start working soon. According to Britain's Grazia magazine, Sienna told friends: "I don't even need a bra now. It'd be wonderful to have some womanly curves again, I dream about it."

Or....she could just do what everyone else has and get a boob job. Duh, I guess she's a real blonde.

New daddy Tom Cruise loves helping Katie take care of their baby daughter Suri and doesn't mind the messier jobs.
He said: "I changed her first. I change diapers all the time. I have to tell you, I love it. We have a whole system worked out. It's the 'B and B' - she does the breast feeding and I do the burping and changing the diapers. It's teamwork. It's fun.'

It's common sense. He has to change diapers and burp because Tom doesn't have breasts that are lactating....unless there is something we don't know. And don't want to know. Ever.

Angelina and Brad are reportedly planning to deliver their first biological child in a giant tub of water. A source says, "It will be natural and beautiful. "Instead of a man like Brad being pushed into the corner of a labour ward, he will be part of the birth process."
They also have a name for the baby. They like the name Africa in a tribute to the child's birthplace.

I doubt this is true since they are already leaving Africa so the baby won't be born there. I do like the idea of Angelina in water though....and maybe Brad could wear white shorts???

Magazine Scans
Nicole Kidman in an Asian Magazine called ROAD SHOW.

Lucy Lui in OCEAN DRIVE Magazine.

OUT AND ABOUT...
Star Jones shows off her new and supposedly improved boobs at the Emmy's. She got a breast lift. I'd be asking for my money back!

80's Teen singer Debbie Gibson looks miserable. Hey, she should cheer up. Her career lasted longer than Britney Spears.

I see Paris, I see France.....At least Mischa Barton is actually wearing underpants.

Hilary Duff finds something incredibly funny. I want to know why she is drinking what appears to be urine???

Paris Hilton is in Austria to promote herself...and some other cheesy product.

Sarah Jessica Parker caught off guard by the paparazzi

While Angelina, Brad and the kids board a plane out of Africa....

Jennifer Aniston does her daily good samaritan deed by....playing frisbee? Maybe she is throwing it to a homeless dog with one leg. She'll be a Goodwill Ambassador in no time.

Apparently polka dots are slimming! Who knew?

Speaking of slimming..Nicole Richie poses with a friend. I could snap her itty bitty leg like a twig by just blowing on it.

Lindsay Lohan seems excited that so many fans have gathered outside a restaurant for her. Only the twit doesn't realize that David Beckham is probably also inside !!

Heather Locklear leaves a diner after having lunch with new boyfriend David Spade.

Notice how Jessica Simpson loves the press when she has make up on and a push up bra??

Men swarm like vultures as Jessica Alba sips some alcohol....just in case she loses all judgement or her dress or something....

Teri Hatcher at an event.

Marcia Cross on the set of Desperate Housewives filming a scene they saved for ' a rainy day'

Madonna performed recently. She has now mastered the guitar. I remember in the 80's when she was really skilled at the organ. Everybody's organs.

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity WTF Volume 203

2006-04-30T18:49:00.000-05:00

Angelina and Brad are prepared for every scenario as they await the birth of their baby but, they still don't know where the tot will be born. The couple are currently in Namibia, but Angelina who is 7 months pregnant admits the baby might not be born there.
She says, "We don't know where it's gonna happen or where it's gonna be. We've been smart about this and we're as prepared as (possible). Things will be as they will be... I'm ready for anything."

They'll be fine although with the new baby coming soon Brad and Angelina may want to consider hiring another nanny.
In fact I know someone who could use the work...

Jennifer Lopez fell in love with husband Marc Anthony because he made her laugh uncontrollably. She explains, "The thing with me and Marc whenever the two of us got in a room together, neither one of us could stop laughing. He's one of the funniest people you'll ever meet."

In other words, he's ugly and sucks in bed but, she loves him.

Desperate Housewives actress Eva Longoria has defended co-star Teri Hatcher against rumours she is battling an eating disorder. Eva is appalled by the media's constant criticism of Hatcher's figure and maintains her co-star is completely healthy.
She says, "She's definitely naturally thin. She's a dancer too, so she has that natural dancer's body."

Yes, because naturally thin people jog obsessively. Gee, I wonder why everyone thinks Teri is battling an eating disorder. If you ask me...it's winning.

Keith Richards suffered a "mild concussion" and was taken to hospital as a precaution recently.
Media reports claim the Rolling Stones guitaris had hurt his head when he fell from a coconut tree. A spokesperson for the band said that they did not know how the injury happened.

I don't know what happened either but, I am pretty sure cocaine and a bottle of tequila were involved.

STAR Magazine reports that Heather Locklear is not pleased about her best friend Denise Richards seen making out everywhere with Heather's ex Richie Sambora. (Duh - why would she be pleased?) A source told the Magazine, "Heather went crazy and told Denise that she was a traitor who had betrayed their friendship." She reportedly even went so far as to ask if Richards and Sambora were having an affair, and Denise was too stunned to answer, prompting Locklear to proclaim, according to a source, "Well, I think you've answered the question. I never want to see you again. You no longer exist to me. It's like you've died."

Heather should hook up with Denise's ex Charlie Sheen. Word has it he wanted her dead too.

Meanwhile, Denise's soon to be ex - Charlie Sheen recently had his "Denise" tattoo removed from his wrist.

Just I am sure that Richie Sambora has removed the memory of Charlie's small penis from Denise's mind.

OUT AND ABOUT....
Colin Farrell on the next VANITY FAIR.

Jennifer Lopez in a Chinese advertisement for LUX shampoo.

Jessica Simpson seems a little crabby.

Ashton Kutcher enjoys a baseball game with two of Demi's daughters Scout and Rumer.

Charlize Theron at the same game...makes out with boyfriend Stuart Townsend.

What did Paris Hilton say when she stayed in the tanning bed for too long?
"That's hot"

At the Emmy's...an unidentified piece of plastic blocked the red carpet....oops, actually it turned out to be Lisa Rinna.

Meredith, Star, Barbara, Joy and Elizabeth present at the Emmy's. Now that Star got a boob lift she wants everyone to see "The View"
Ew.

Queen of the Emmy's was Ellen. She really cleaned up!

For the first time ever...Pamela Anderson is wearing white and you cannot see her nipples. Did she get those suckers surgically removed? What happened to them?

Mischa Barton and Cisco play with her new puppy at an eatery. How the heck is the dog allowed there and more importantly - where is the place so I can bring Chelsea?

Usually the fans are the one who are crazed... not in this case.

Mariah Carey forgot her pants again.

Kevin Federline smokes his 785th cigarette of the day.

Britney's little sister Jamie Lynn at her prom. Please tell me her date is not an aspiring rap artist.

Charlie Sheen at a show for his new children's clothing line. That just cracks me up. Who would buy clothes for their kids from him?

Kelly Osbourne and her new boyfriend MR. X load up on some groceries.

Jennifer Garner on the set of ALIAS.

Who the hell had a PRISON BREAK party and didn't invite me? Here's Scofield.

Spanish prisoner dude...I don't know his name. In fact usually when I watch this show I am in a trance due to Scofield's eyes.

Teabag all cleaned up. Diana - get a napkin and wipe your chin.

And more Scofield....I think I prefer him in his prison jumpsuit.

And looks like British model Jordan's breasts are planning a break out of their own.....

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 202

2006-04-28T18:22:00.000-05:00

"A source close to the family" has confirmed exclusively to Access Hollywood that Britney Spears is five months pregnant. Just 7 months ago, Britney brought Sean Preston into the world.

And judging by that high chair incident, holding him with no restraint as she speeds down the highway and never putting sun screen or a hat on the kid.....she can take him out of this world just as easily....

Kevin Federline is giving props to Britney for his aspiring singing career. He revealed that without Britney, none of this would matter: "My wife loves what I do. She is so for everything that I'm doing right now. That's the biggest thing for me, too, because if she wasn't supportive of it, I'd probably give it up."

Especially since she's the one with all the money. Duh, how else does he think he could of gotten any slight chance of stardom? American Idol? Even Paula Abdul doesn't do enough crack to say Kevin's got talent.

Jessica Simpson is devastated by a recent tell-all interview that her ex, Nick Lachey, gave to a magazine about their relationship. In the interview, Nick said he still loved Jessica, felt "blindsided" and "sucker punched" by her decision to divorce and that she refused to try counseling. An close friend of Jessica claims, "She was devastated, heartbroken. She didn't think he would do that."

Since when can Jessica Simpson read?
Maybe she had help.

A British journalist who recently interviewed Mariah Carey claims the diva sipped her drinks through a straw and wouldn't even hold her beverages herself.
He said: "She put her head to one side for people to serve her a drink through a straw, like she was unable to use her hands."

In Mariah's defense - I suppose it is hard to do anything with those ridiculous mounds of saline she's got weighing her down. She looks uncomfortable even trying to wave to fans. Soon she'll have to hire someone to do that for her too!

Arch enemies Paris Hilton and Pink are set to come face to face at a music festival. Pink recently got on the wrong side of Paris after mocking the blonde socialite in her latest 'Stupid Girls' video. Organizers of music festival now fear there will be tension as the two meet on stage. According to organizers, the two stars will definitely cross paths on stage at some point.

Finally! A music show worth watching! My money's on Pink. Although Paris certainly can afford to break a nail, get some extensions ripped out of her head, chip a golden tooth or have a haute couture dress ripped....she simply won't want to.
I love Pink but, wouldn't want to piss her off.

Brad Pitt has reportedly demanded that co-star Catherine Zeta Jones be dumped from "Oceans Thirteen" line-up all because of her hubby Michael Douglas's comment about Angelina Jolie and her "third world orphans."
Michael Douglas has now explained that comment was taken out of context and has recanted the statement. For those of you who don't know, Michael had said, "I don't know about Brad Pitt," says Douglas, "leaving that beautiful woman [Jennifer Aniston] to go hold orphans for Angelina [Jolie]. I mean how long is that going to last?"

About as long as your poor wife's movie career. Idiot.

MAGAZINE SCANS
Jennifer Lopez graces the spanish version of PEOPLE Magazine's 50 most beautiful. She was voted the MOST beautiful in the spanish edition.

Here's the cover of the American Version which names Angelina as the most beautiful.

Advert for Brad Pitt's movie coming to a theatre near you..."The assassination of Jesse James"

Jessica Simpson's new movie "Employee of the Month". Wow, look at her raised eyebrow. That is quite an acting range! Maybe she will win an Oscar afterall?

Angelina's interview on the TODAY show.

Paris Hilton article about her snazzy new mansion.

Oh God, I bet every room in Paris's house has a picture of her in it.

Eva Longoria on the cover of a foreign edition of GLAMOUR.

OUT AND ABOUT...
Mischa Barton seems to be watching where she steps. I suppose she doesn't want to crush her best friend Nicole Richie. Nicole's no where to be found. Easy Mistake Mischa....Nicole's such a twig these days, hard to tell where she is!

Janice Dickinson humps the wall and the mirror. I predict Paula Abdul will be behaving like this by the end of this season on American Idol.

Jenny McCarthy comes out with yet another book. Well, when you are a former playboy model who can't act and starting to age....you write a book. Well, get someone else to write it for you.

Ex Victoria Secret supermodel and playmate Victoria Silvstedt really expects us to believe those are hers?
You can drive a MAC Truck through those suckers!!!!

Avril Lavigne sends her love.

Much to the dismay of men everywhere....Jessica Alba stops a wardrobe malfunction before it happens.

Kylie Minogue smiles with her pixie cut.

Nicole Richie has some more liquids.

Jennifer Love Hewitt cut her hair off! OMG....She looks like a soccer mom! Not that there is anything wrong with soccer moms....except she isn't one!!

The cameras love Salma Hayek.

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony at a baseball game. Either that or Ben Affleck's locked them up in a pen in his backyard.

Alicia Silverstone coming out of a yoga class.

And then there were five...WOOHOO That hick idiot Kellie Pickler's gone! I bet she'll be posing for HUSTLER by the end of the year. If she's lucky.
My predictions for the next ones to be cast off?
Elliot
Paris
Taylor
Catherine (I don't like her but, America does)
And finally....my man Chris will be the next AMERICAN IDOL.....

Latest thing Tom is jumping off of?
Fences
Next thing hopefully Tom will be jumping off of?
A building.

CUZ I SAID SO!