Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 222
The "sexiest man alive"(According to People Magazine...not me) is available again. Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz have decided to split. Cruz's publicist told The Associated Press on Friday. The couple broke up four weeks ago due to busy work schedules, People Magazine reports.
So the handsome chiseled six pack ab man is available in case any of you are interested. That's if you're into that sort of thing.
Mariah Carey says her ex-husband is still hung up on her. She was once married to Tommy Motola who is the head of Sony. She told the Insider, "I don't know if I ever want to get married again. My last experience was so oppressive. You know, Tommy called the head of my record label on the day my last album came out to find out what it sold. He still can't leave it alone. Why can't he focus on his new wife?"
I dunno Mariah. Why can't you get over yourself? Mariah will never find happiness because she will never find a man who could possibly love her more than she loves herself.
Paris Hilton is still blaming Nicole Richie for the fight they had ages ago. Paris says they are complete opposites of each other. She explained, "I'm the nice one, she's the evil one. Some people change when they think they're a star or something and some people stay the same. I've always been the same and she's definitely not."
Paris is nice? Since when? She is right about always being the same. Irritating, conceited, stupid, materialistic, talentless, sleazy, immature, useless......need I go on? I can, believe me...but, we need to move on to the next story.
Julia Roberts is going to be the new face of Avon Cosmetics. She signed a five million dollar contract and will be representing the company and their vast collection of Health and Beauty products.
They were wise to choose her for their print ads. Imagine if she sold Avon door to door? Nobody would answer the door! All they would see in the peephole is gigantic teeth!
Jordan has bought a new bright pink, diamond-encrusted car. She told OK! Magazine, "I'm going to have crystals stuck around the mirror and the gear stick. I know it's cheesy but I have put some sparkly dice in it. When I was little I remember Barbie had a pink Beetle so I wanted one the same. When I drive it, everyone just stares."
Um, I don't think they are looking at the car.
Kevin Federline is going to be a good dad. According to him anyhow. He recently told Item magazine: "My kids are going to have to learn what a real job is, what life is. You don't have it easy with me. Period. My kids are going to work at Taco Bell, dammit."
He also complained about being married to a celebrity. He said, "I wish people would ask me about my career. Usually its, 'How's the wife and kids?' The day they judge me as an artist, not Britney Spears' husband, that's the day I am looking forward to."
Keep dreaming. You have to actually have a career to be asked about it and secondly, if Britney has her way he won't be her husband for much longer. Loser.
Janet Jackson has revealed she shed nearly 60lbs because her rings would no longer fit on her bulging fingers. Janet who gained weight last year to star in a film that never happened, told the Daily Mirror newspaper, "Some rings wouldn't fit my fingers and watches wouldn't fit my wrist, so I stopped wearing jewellery."
I bet her nipple clamp from the Superbowl drama still fit!
Jessica Alba is desperate to go topless this summer. She is eager to sun her breasts while holidaying on the beaches of Europe, but is paranoid the paparazzi will catch her out.
She said: "I would do if it were just me and my guy, but the paparazzi seem to pop up everywhere. I think I'll be wearing a bikini. Bikinis are more flattering on my body."
Even I want a piece of that.
Can the Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards divorce battle get any uglier? Now a published report claims that Charlie is planning on demand a paternity test to determine the father of his youngest daughter. Apparently, Charlie suspects that Denise's lover Richie Sambora could be the father of 11-month old Lola.
Let's look at this shall we? Here is Denise and Charlie before they split up with their eldest daughter Sam. (Charlie is not questioning his paternity with this one) Notice that Sam looks exactly like her father. Unfortunately for Sam....the only trait she picked up from mom is her blonde locks. There is no doubt this kid is Charlie's!
Vince and Jen promoting "THE BREAKUP" which is getting horrible reviews. Anyone seen it?
Brad and Angelina featured in STAR Magazine. Apparently one day before she had her baby!
OUT AND ABOUT....
Seal, Heidi Klum and their daughter Leni stop for a family meeting.
Paris is right. Nicole is the evil one! Just look at her at the airport stopping to take photographs with the airport staff. What a bee-atch!!!
Time for some manly men. Here's Justin Timberlake with a fresh buzz cut.
New daddy Brad out and about.
David Beckham is positively adorable. He's shopping.
Clive Owens looks dangerous and dirty. Like a sexy homeless man.
Chloe Sevigny (one of the wives from BIG LOVE) parties with some wiseguys from SOPRANOS. Both shows air on HBO.
Victoria Beckham should see a doctor. It seems she has two oranges stuck in her upper skin.
Although, I suspect she got them from a doctor in the first place.
Lindsay Lohan kisses designer Karl Lagerfield at a fashion show.
At the same event Karl proves he will canoodle with just about anybody!
Janet Jackson looking buff.
Jennifer Aniston leaves her hotel while promoting her flop of a movie THE BREAK UP.
Introducing....Nick Lachey's new girlfriend. Her name is Kim Kardashian. She is a stylist in Hollywood. She also has been hanging out with Paris Hilton lately. Which is odd cuz Paris usually doesn't like hanging around anyone who is prettier than she is. (Pretty much everyone except Kimberly Stewart, Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan)
And Nick's ex wife....Jessica out and about with a friend. Man, those jeans are tight. My crotch hurts just looking at them.
Eva Longoria and her man in black, Tony Parker.
Orlando Bloom and girlfriend Kate Bosworth enjoy a romantic dinner for two that's not so private.
Mariah Carey runs into the MTV studio to make an appearance. She even touches her hair when she is running. She is always touching her hair. Is her hand glued to her head or what?
It's amazing what a new nose, hair extensions and new lips do for Ashlee Simpson. Now she is Jessica Simpson.
Here is a shot of Ashlee's new video. She plays a boxer. I hope that other chick doesn't hit her on her new nose!
Britney and an unidentified pal cruise down the highway. I wonder how long it will take Britney to notice Sean Preston flew out the back seat 16 miles back??
CUZ I SAID SO!!