Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Friday, March 24, 2006

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 179

Britney threw Kevin a birthday party on Tuesday in his favorite city: Las Vegas, PEOPLE reports. The two joined their 10 guests in a private dining room. Britney drank a Cosmo, while K-Fed went for shots and beer. The group dined on lobster, followed by cake served by two girls in tight dresses.
"Kevin was wearing his ring even though Brit wasn't," says a witness. "They were being affectionate with each other. She sat on his lap for awhile. He fed her a bite of an appetizer. "

Um, isn't she pregnant?? Drinking a cosmo? The baby's got no hope for a decent bit of gene pool as it is - why worsen it's fate with alcohol?? Like we needed anymore reason to believe this girl is the dumbest woman alive. Oh and if you have to hold the front of your dress together all night ...chances are it doesn't fit properly. Nice to see Kevin put some thought into his outfit though. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt. (Well, I am still doing that detox..and anything's possible)

Brad Pitt reportedly showed up at an elegant Paris restaurant with bruises and a swollen lip.
A fellow diner at the restaurant tells In Touch magazine, "He had a nasty bruise on his face, a swollen lip and eye."
Pitt's publicist Cindy Guagenti claims, "There is nothing wrong, he does not have any bruises or cuts."

It was probably a love bite. From Angelina. Or Braddy intervened when Maddox caught Zahara trying to dis-assemble that lego robot he's been working on for so long - in between flights.

Cher has a new boy toy. She is allegedly dating actor Lee Tergesen, 40, who is set to soon star in a breakthrough role on an upcoming episode of Desperate Housewives. The couple were spotted enjoying an intimate dinner and sources insist that Lee is indeed Cher's lover.
One pal confides, "Lee is funny and smart and they both love films and music. It's a perfect fit."

This is what a "Boytoy" looks like when you're 60. Heck, Cher looks younger than he does! If only he could turn back time....

Gwen Stefani was locked out of her house for six hours while hubby Gavin Rossdale was out playing tennis, The Daily Mail reports.
"I shut the door and knew right away that I'd locked myself out of the house. I had no money, no keys, no phone, just the dog and me."

What? No Harijuko girls to come giggling nervously to her rescue? What happened to them anyhow? Did someone finally rat them out to immigration?

Lindsay Lohan wants to play Wonder Woman in the forthcoming movie version of the comic book superhero. She says, "Wonder Woman would be cool. I'm trying to find roles right now that are different to anything I've done to show my abilities, to show that I have some sort of stretch in me. Because most of the things that I've done so far are aimed at younger girls and are light-hearted."

If light-hearted means stupid with no substance then yeah...I agree. The only people who will be interested in seeing Lindsay Lohan in a red and blue leotard are perverted men in their fifty's and possibly Madonna. Madonna is going through her leotards phase right now.

Star Jones Reynolds is recovering from a breast-lift procedure performed last week, her publicist said, "Star is recovering wonderfully." in a statement to The Associated Press.

You cannot tell in this photo because the dress fits her well but, Star Jones did need a breast lift!! They were really saggy and hanging down to her stomach so I don't blame her. Mind you that didn't stop her from wearing low cut tops on her daily talk show. Giving a whole new meaning to the "THE VIEW" and believe me....not a pretty sight.

Jennifer Aniston is moving away from Hollywood to escape the constant media attention she attracts following her recent divorce from Brad Pitt. She says she plans to share a home with boyfriend Vince Vaughn in Chicago. She says, "It makes sense for me to leave. I can live outside L.A. and fly in for work."

Lord Jesus in Heaven THANK YOU for answering my prayer! And Brad's. And Angelina's. And the former cast of FRIENDS, And most of the people who read my blog.

Mariah Carey is getting modeling job offers after she recently dropped 20 pounds over the past few months. The prestigious design label Louis Vuitton want her to represent them.
Carey's spokeswoman says, "Until now it's not been something she wanted to do, but it seems the time is right. She's got quite a few fashion labels after her and we are in talks."

Perfect choice! Louis Vitton makes handbags and luggage. Mariah's got a lot of baggage!
I like her new toned body and feel compelled to bounce quarters off her thighs. Anyone else?

Jordan is talking about going under the knife again. She says that motherhood has caused her ample bust to sag and wants yet another breast job done but, this time to perk them up.
She told a US magazine: "I'm very small-framed and I've got boobs that are... um, not natural to my size. I can't find a bra to fit. I wear a 30DD. Because I'm top-heavy, dresses just don't fit right."

This girl has had FOUR boob jobs done and can't figure out why none of her clothes fit? Would she even wear a bra if she found one that fit?
Exactly. Let's move on

Another boob story....Pamela Anderson has a love/hate relationship with her implants. She told Heat magazine: "The thing I love most about my body and the thing I hate most are my breasts and my breasts."
She also admitted she has to work hard to keep her figure sleek and toned. She said: "I think the thighs are the hardest area for any woman to maintain. I'm lucky that my mother has no cellulite on her body, so hopefully I'll follow in her footsteps."

Even if Pam had cellulite would any of us notice? Suddenly I understand why a woman would want foreign clumps stuffed into their body. It's a great diversion from the cheesy bits on your legs. Hold on while I call my doctor. Oh Doctor McDreamy.......

Marcia Cross of Desperate Housewives is overwhelmed by all the details relating to her upcoming wedding. The actress who is turning 44 on Saturday says she thinks it's her age.
She explains, "The whole thing is idiotic. I'm not a planner, I'm not visual. They ask you things like, 'What do you want your cake to look like?' I don't know. I don't know. 'And what colour the napkins are supposed to be.' "I know women are going to be upset with me, but I'm just not very good with all of that. I'm old!"

I think it's not her age so much but, the fact that she is a raging lesbian in denial who has been in the closet for so long she no longer appreciates shoes.
Marcia has long been rumored to prefer fish to beef.

Just what Cindy Crawford needs. To be on the cover on another magazine. Sheesh. Her she is on VANITY FAIR u.k edition.

Jennifer Love Hewitt appears to be trying to channel horny ghosts in this outfit. (After all she is the Ghost Whisperer) All for JEZEBEL Magazine.

Kate Moss in Harper Bazaar. With all the models in the world, they keep giving the lucrative contracts to the coke head. I don't get it.

Eva Longoria in ALLURE Magazine.

Pink looks like the ultimate bad girl for BLENDER Magazine.

Magazines you didn't have to buy this week Thanks to moi...
Should be called Celebrity Weaklings. Oprah is supposedly hosting Jen and Vince's wedding. (Oprah will still do anything for a calorie loaded,rich, sinful meal) Meanwhile Nick tells Jessica "You can't get me back" and I am sure there was a "na,na,na, na poo-poo" in there somewhere also.

Oprah's on a new diet ( I guess in preparation of her binge at Jen and Vince's wedding that she's hosting?) Also claims that Britney has moved out. Yeah - out to the restaurant to drink with birthday boy hubby.

says Everyone's getting married.....(Well, it's not like Oprah doesn't have the money to foot the bills)

Teases about Nick's painful split. What? Does he has an ingrown nail?

OK! Magazine dishes that Jessica is getting Nick back.
What is this? Grade two??? Holy crap. Grow up people.

Christina Aguilera and her gentlemanly hubby go out for a bite to eat.

Pamela Anderson, always the animal advocate cuddles her cold puppies at her son's baseball game.

Jodie Foster admires the handsome Denzel Washington at a movie premiere.

Clive Owens can melt you with his eyes and make you weak in the knees...

I don't ever want Scofield to break out of prison. Here's the actor who plays him...Wentworth Miller (as if you didn't know) giving out autographs. (Why aren't the women throwing themselves at his feet??)

Demi Moore and her middle child Scout spend the day together.

Francis Bean and her mother Courtney Love enjoy some time out.

Teri Hatcher goes bowling. The ball has got to weigh more than she does! Next time try 5 pin huh Teri??

And it's a good thing Nicole Richie doesn't bowl at all..... she just goes to a lot of Fashion shows which is where she is headed to here.

Katie Holmes is going to need help getting up. I wonder if Tom did??...... Hee hee.

On the road again....

Shakira blows kisses to her fans.

Pink in concert. Adding some burlesque flair to her show.

No, it's not an audition for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN 2, it's some stars (John Legazano, Queen Latifah and Ray Romano) doing the Hollywood Walk thing at an Ice Hotel.

I always thought Paris was trailer trash. I guess here she is practising for a trailer tractor pull. Probably another stupid stint for the SIMPLE LIFE show she is working on.

Stephen Tyler's daughter Liv is lovely in this photo.

Jessica Alba fails to ever take a bad photo. I don't even think photoshoppe could make her ugly.

Sheryl Crow looks great considering she just was treated for breast cancer.

Here's her ex Lance Armstrong with his two young daughters.

Katie Holmes again. I think she just figured out where the baby is gonna come out.

When I saw this photo I thought "Man, Sharon Stone is looking hot for 48!"
You think so too right??

YIKES! Think again!!! She's like 16 wrinkles away from being Brigette "foofee" Neilson.

A preview of the HILTON's cartoon coming soon to a desperate network near you. Here is Nicky Hilton. (To whom I think the artist was VERY generous)

Big sleaze, um, I meant big sister Paris.

If you are an AMERICAN IDOL fan...chicken little that irritating little twirp got voted off last night. YAHOO. Here are your remaining top ten.
(Oh no, I am starting to sound like Ryan Seacrest)
I like the black girl at the far right, bald cute guy, silver haired guy....yeah, I watch but, cannot remember their names - je m'excuse.

I just cannot wait until Monday. You probably can't either. Here's a Wentworth fix to get you through the weekend folks. Have a good one!



Blogger [.a.n.d.r.e.w.] said...

Those tabloid magazines are so stupid. I can't remember the last time I actually looked into one. Theres no point whens it all in your blog of course! ;) But juse like you said, the way they make it out to be this big drama is so elementary, GROW UP! =P

With The Hiltons new cartoon show all I have to say is HIDE YOUR KIDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! =O

P!nk looks like shes taking a piss in that picture from Blender... =P Also Monday night TV is so good. Prison Break then 24! 24 is my FAVOURITE SHOW! I love it, ahhh I can't wait until the next episodes of both! =D

9:51 PM  

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