Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 142

Gwyneth Paltrow is disgusted by the binge drinking culture among young British women.She says, "I really don't like drunk women. I think it's such a bad look. I think it's very inappropriate. I think, 'Ooh, you're really degrading yourself to be this [bleep] out in public.' My friends are kind of adult, they hold their liquor....I don't really have drunk friends."

Actually Gwyneth, technically you don't have any friends. Except Madonna. And this is an old picture so maybe she's sick of you too by now.

Jennifer Aniston told InStyle magazine that she wants a family this year.
She said, "I hope to be on the road to having a family in the next year. I've said this before and I desperately don't want to repeat myself, but I just like being in a partnership."
Speaking about her divorce from Pitt, who is now expecting a baby with Angelina Jolie, Aniston said: "I feel good to have everybody sort of moving on from it."
The actress said she would ideally like to have two children.

Yeah. Maddox and Zahara. GIVE IT UP JENNIFER! She kills me. Now she wants to start a family. NOW??? Good luck having one with Vince Vaughn, he still won't even admit to going out with Jennifer. I know a few other guys who really wanted kids bad but, Tom Cruise and Michael Jackson already found donors. Sorry Jen.

Ashley Judd will not bear children with her racing star husband Dario Franchetti while there are starving children in the world. Ashley was shocked by the staggering numbers of orphaned or impoverished children when she became an ambassador for charity Youth Aids.
She says: "It's unconscionable to breed with the number of children who are starving to death in impoverished countries. I know it's a strong opinion a lot of people won't agree with and that's not to say some day I might not feel a different impulse."

Ok, so why doesn't she adopt some of them if she is so concerned? Everyone else in Hollywood is doing it. That way they get to play mummy, get a nanny to scrape the green poop off the diaper and keep their bodies slim and tight.

Heidi Klum is being criticized of encouraging weight loss after a comment she made on German TV.Heidi, who was on the judging panel of Germany's Next Top Model, told a girl who weighed 112lbs, "Top designers need only girls with dream figures."
The comment has not gone done well in Germany after a barrage of complaints from the public.

Don't get me wrong - it was very innappropriate what Heidi said but, she is right. It' not her fault designers want girls with no hips that weigh less than 80lbs. Besides, Heidi strutted down the Victoria Secret catwalk weeks after giving birth and she loves to eat junk food too! So it's only fair that although God blessed her with a killer bod and good genes, he forgot to give her a brain. Thus, the supermodel curse.

Paris Hilton didn't know London was in the UK and thought everyone in Europe spoke French.
She also confessed she struggles to remember the names of her friends because she meets so many people. These revelations were made during a pre-trial hearing for a case, in which she is accused of planting a fake story in America's New York Post newspaper.The story suggested Zeta Graff, who once dated the star's former lover Paris Latsis, started a fight with her in a London nightspot.
When Hilton was asked if the story appeared in the UK, she replied: "No. It was in London."

And all this time we've been bashing Jessica Simpson for being a complete nimrod. I give it a few weeks and these two will be clubbing together. After this story, Jessica will phone up Paris and say, "Oh My God! Can we hang out? You make me look like Einstein!"
And Paris will say "Who's Einstein? You don't look jewish?"

Jessica Alba has been named the Hollywood star most men would like as a girlfriend. The editor of - who conducted the poll said: "We encouraged readers not to go on looks alone. I don't believe it's an entirely accurate reflection of what a reader strives for in their long-term relationships, but at the same time, it's not a surface appreciation."

You see most of the men who respond to these polls are major losers. So to them a LONG TERM relationship with someone such as Jessica Alba would be 3 minutes and forty five seconds. That includes foreplay.

Britney Spears reportedly went on a car chase to stop Kevin from having their baby son's ears pierced. Apparently Britney was horrified when she discovered that her hubby who has pierced ears - had taken four-month-old Sean Preston to a beauty parlour.
A source is quoted in Britain's Sunday Star newspaper as saying: "Brit was like a woman possessed when she heard Kevin had run off with their pride and joy."

Britney is a typical woman. Never satisfied. She wanted Baby's daddy to spend more time with the kid didn't she? Sheesh.

Charlize Theron says she often gets turned down for action roles because her boobs aren't big enough. She says sometimes it puts directors off casting her and she was shocked when she was cast in action movie Aeon Flux.
She told Empire magazine: "I knew it wouldn't just be running around with big t**s and kicking things. I'm not good at that. I haven't got any t**s."

Anybody can buy boobs. Charlize is very pretty and that you can't buy. Which is why it's normally the ugly girls who get boob jobs. Pretty girls don't need them - unless they are the feature act at a stripclub.

Kevin and Britney out at a SCREEN ACTOR GUILD after party Sunday night. OH MY....They both look clean and hygenic for once! I wonder if the hot water pipe at their house burst out of pure shock of being in use! Although Britney has made an effort, she reminds me of a bridesmaid from the 80's.

Kate Hudson and her adorable girlie looking little boy Ryder go grocery shopping together. You know what they say, the family that eats together fights over the last piece of dessert together.

Someone's granny is really cold right about now. Ashlee Simpson stole her coat!

Matthew McConaughy and Penelope Cruz go to dinner. I don't like her new haircut. She bangs.....and they look stupid.

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker out on the town.

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony still working on that movie together....

Jessica Simpson blows a kiss to an adoring fan. Has to be her dad. She only has one left these days.

Meanwhile Nick calls home to check in and then............remembers he doesn't have to anymore. YES!!

Joaquin Pheonix is hot in this months issue of ELLE girl edition.

Sarah Jessica Parker gets her hair did.

Loony tunes go out for dinner.

Jennifer Garner hosts a charity event for the "I HAVE A DREAM" Foundation.

Lindsay Lohan in the back seat. Surprise, surprise.

Wacko Jacko holds on to his nose for dear life as waves to fans. He still has fans?

Michelle Rodriguez walks her dog.

Sienna Miller on the phone with Jude maybe? Are they dating this week or not?

Christina Aguilera and her new hubby go grocery shopping. The honeymoon is over.

Christina Ricci on the set of her new film "PENELOPE"

Paris and boyfriend Stavros at the carnival. Not sure why Paris is wearing a disguise. You can take the freak out of the carnival but, you can't take the carnival out of the freak.


Monday, January 30, 2006

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 141

Eva Longoria and boyfriend Tony Parker have bought a house together. The actress and the basketball star plan to spend the next three years renovating the new property and Eva suggests they may move in as man and wife.
She says, "Well it will be three years before the house is ready, so maybe by then we'll have solidified something."

Shouldn't you have the relationhip "solidified into something" before they purchasing a house
together? This house better have high ceilings. Just look at Tony, he is huge! He towers over Eva. Her neck must be killing her on a regular basis from looking up at him - which will probably be the reason why these two end up breaking up before the house is ready.

Gwyneth Paltrow is investing in a wardrobe of girdles. She thinks this time she will have a harder time re-gaining her pre pregnancy body.
She says: "You think: 'It's fine because I'm pregnant so I'm meant to be fat.' But afterwards it doesn't go for a while, so girdles are good to raise the morale. Lots of make-up and blush are great too."

So you mean to tell me that Tammy Faye Baker is fat but, I have never noticed because my attention is drawn to her face which has caked on makeup?
Hey.......this could work...

Paris Hilton has been taking singing lessons. "I'm taking singing lessons," she said, "When I tour, I'll have to know how to project my voice night after night. I love being a pop star it's every little girl's dream."

Paris better cancel those lessons! In order to tour you need to actually sell tickets for your venue. And not just to family members and drunken college boys.

Alanis Morissette is loving her new blonde hair. However, her fiance Ryan Reynolds took a while getting used to her dramatic new style.
She says, "It was a hard adjustment for him, I think. He fell in love with a brunette, so it took a little moment or two. But we're having fun now together with it!"

I don't like Alanis as a blonde either. She looks more like a typical soccer mom than a kick ass rocker. Although her new songs might be interesting. Blonde inspired lyrics. I suppose we can look forward to songs like,
"I'm blonde but, I'm witty
I'm blonde but, I'm smart
I'm blonde but, I'm wholesome baby.
I'm blonde but, I'm Canadian
I'm blonde but, I'm having more fun
Cuz I got one hand in my pocket and the other one's in my other pocket.

It's just not the same. GO BACK TO BRUNETTE ALANIS!!

If Tom and Katie follow the reported Scientology guidelines, sex is off for the duration of the pregnancy according to 'In Touch.'
An insider tells In Touch Weekly that Tom Cruise "has put the brakes on their lovemaking." It turns out that Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard "wrote that a mother-to-be shouldn't engage in sex because it could negatively impact the baby."

Notice how it doesn't mention that the father-to-be cannot have sex. Tom knows this well and so does the 22 year old Mexican cabana boy that lives in Tom's guest house.

Lindsay Lohan was admitted to a hospital Friday afternoon and received ten stitches in her shin. Apparently she slipped on the stairs. Lindsay's mom Dina exclusively told the Star, "Lindsay and her friends were preparing breakfast and Lindsay was going up the stairs, carrying a ceramic teacup. She had just come out of the shower so she was still wet and had some lotion on, and she completely flipped on the stairs since it was slippery. The teacup went flying, it was shattered and one of the pieces cut Lindsay in her shin. It was an accident."

What amazes me are all the "accidents" this party girl has had and yet, pregnancy isn't one of them.

Guy Ritchie has agreed to be best man at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's wedding. The arrangements were made during a dinner last Wednesday night. "All the talk was of the forthcoming nuptials," a source told the Sunday Mirror. "And then Brad said to Guy he would like him to be best man. Guy was absolutely thrilled. He thinks it's a real honour."

No offense to Guy cuz I think he's great but, NO MATTER WHAT - Brad will be the best man at his wedding in my books.

Tara Reid gives money to a dog. That's a switch. Normally animals give her money to roll over. Actually she does it for free most of the time.

Patti LaBelle looking like a walking billboard for RED LOBSTER. W.T.F was she thinking or drinking when she chose this horrible outfit??

Paris Hilton needs an assistant to carry out tons of Victoria Secret bags. I don't understand why she bothers. Anybody who has ever wanted to see her naked already has.

Pamela Anderson carries a coffee, her keys and a bag of groceries. Which is amazing if you think about it. She's gotta have a bad back by now.

The cover of PINK's new album entitled "I'm not dead."

Nicole Richie's ex on his way to a d.j gig.

Doesn't Nicky Hilton know that smoking stunts your growth and can also cause a weird shaped ass?

Speaking of asses...Kevin lights up a smoke and a silly grin.

Drew Barrymore looks lovely in this photo. She has redeemed herself from the "Golden Globes" award fiasco where she went braless. Just in time cuz the SAG awards were Sunday night....

Ewan McGregor is sizzling hot in a kilt.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler who plays Meadow on the The Sopranos looks lovely at the PACIFIC PARADISE fragrance launch.

Brad Pitt's ex from many moons ago - Juliette Lewis shares a joke with someone recently.

Martin Lawrence transformed into Big Momma - who is in turn transformed into Bo Derek....a scene from BIG MOMMA 2

For once Mary Kate looks semi-decent yet she's trying to cover her face.

Mary Kate should consider dating Paris Hilton's ex...Paris Latsis. He looks smelly, dirty and ragged despite being worth millions. Mary Kate and him have a lot in common!

Brad and Angelina leaving HEATHROW airport in London.

Guess who the new mama is?

It's Jennifer Garner without Ben Affeck or her trademark STARBUCKS coffee.

Pink out and about. She's got a new tattoo on her leg. I guess her new hubby Carey Hart is rubbing off on her....literally...he's covered in tattoos!

Jessica Simpson doing the only thing she knows how....... shopping.

Nick leaving Koi restaurant in L.A. Something stuck in his teeth?

Nicole Richie enjoys a hamburger while eating a very elaborate disguise. Just because she's chewing it doesn't mean she swallows.