CUZ I SAID SO!

Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Friday, December 30, 2005

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 118

Kelly LeBrock, who is famous for the 80's Pantene commercial in which she said, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful," signed on for the third season of VH1's "Celebrity Fit Club." These days she weighs in at 176 pounds compared to the 125lbs she was when she starred in "Weird Science" and "Woman In Red." She recently told ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT that these days she is busy raising her three children on her own and generally happy with herself. She claims she gained the weight because it took away from the constant unwanted attention she kept getting from men.
Here's Kelly from the 80's










And Kelly now. I happened to catch her on E.T. and sure, she's bigger but, I still think for her age she looks pretty damn good and that's harder to maintain. Like the saying goes, "I might be fat but, you're ugly and I can diet."










Now that Nicole Richie and boyfriend Adam's relationship is virtually over. (They claim they are still friends and business associates) US Weekly is reporting that Adam is allegedly on the hunt for a new woman. And apparently, this time he's got a different kind of woman in mind.
A source told the magazine, "Adam wants to date curvy girls. He hated Nicole's skinny body and liked her better before she lost so much weight."

That's a no brainer. Men like curves cuz curves mean boobs. No curves, no boobs. Unless you are a relative of Barbie or you had some help from the silicone fairy. Quick Adam, call up Kelly LeBrock before that show turns her into lollipop head!











Gwyneth Paltrow says she was intrigued as a teen by a friend's socialite mother who filled a room in the family's home with couture gowns and ballet costumes. The actress says she has always wanted to copy the idea.
She recalls: "I remember I was around 16, peeking into this room and thinking, 'My God, how incredible.' It was all couture. Maybe I can have a room like that someday ."
And she can't wait to get started on the project because many of her favourite designer dresses are still in storage.

Why do I suddenly have an image of Gwyneth and Apple in a walk-in closet and as her little daughter tries to help mom hang the dresses, Gwyneth starts yelling, "NOT WIRE HANGERS YOU IDIOT!! I'VE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES!!!"
Gwyneth does seem like a perfect mommy. Dearest.












If rumor is true than Nicole Kidman is marrying boyfriend Keith Urban this weekend on New Year's Eve. According to The Sun, the actress is on a rampage to beat her ex-husband Tom Cruise down the aisle.

What a fantastic reason to get married. Yeah, this one's gonna last....if you also believe rumors flying around then Keith has a little soft spot for the white stuff. I'll give you a clue: The soft spot's his nose and the white stuff's not snow. Mind you, Nicole may find this man refreshing - at least he has a reason to act kooky now and again unlike the last guy Nicole was married to.











Naomi Watts is the new name in the running to possibly be 007's next leading lady. But according to The Sun, insiders claim she will turn down the chance to star alongside new James Bond actor Daniel Craig. The word is that she fears the "Curse of the Bond Girl" could thwart her career. Many actresses who become Bond Girls either never work again or get really, really bad scripts. (i.e. Halle Berry, Denise Richards) So far Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson have also turned down the role.

I never thought I would see the day that women are resisting James Bond. He must be losing his touch. He should have the batteries in his remote woman catcher replaced.







Kevin Federline is going to release his debut rap single himself because he failed to find a record label to invest in his talents. Kevin is convinced of his lyrical genius and says his first track POPOZAO will storm straight to the top of the charts.The single will be available from website KevinFederline.com.

You want someone to give you a label Kevin? Ok, you're a no good, spineless, useless, gansta wannabe, idiot, scum sucking, deadbeat, money leeching, two timing, loser.....
You're welcome. Anytime.













Christina Applegate is in the middle of a divorce from actor Johnathan Schaech but, that isn't stopping her from snagging a good man when she sees one. Her new beau is Alaskan fisherman and aspiring photographer Lee Grivas, whom she met in the fall through a dancer in her Broadway show Sweet Charity. “We're very happy with each other," he tells PEOPLE in its upcoming issue. "I like making her smile and she likes making me smile. It's really innocent and fun."

I know what makes men smile and it ain't nothing innocent.










Ex- Spice Girl bandmates Victoria Beckham and Geri Halliwell hooked up for a girl's night out yesterday. According to the Daily Mirror, Geri was even invited to stay over at Beckingham Palace.
An insider told the paper: "Posh was thrilled when she heard Geri was expecting and wanted to spend some quality time with her. There have been a lot of rifts but they've been speaking regularly for the past 18 months."

Geri's preggers and Victoria is looking more skeletal every time we see her. I guess you could say that Ginger has become Baby and Posh has become Scary.













Naomi Campbell says she is sick and tired of accusations that she has had cosmetic surgery. The 35-year-old supermodel wants to put an end to all the speculation and rumours about how she maintains face and figure.
She says, "I just take care of my body. I don't drink alcohol and I work out for two hours a day. I don't see myself as gorgeous and I'm fed up with people saying I've had plastic surgery and lipo.

I ain't touching this comment. Naomi might beat my ass and I like my teeth exactly where they are....in my mouth. Intact.













Kate Hudson has admitted to a British Magazine: “I’ve experimented with drugs.“I think everybody has but, I don't now. I’m not a drug person. I just never cared. I have no interest in hard drugs. I’m totally turned off by that.”

You know...for someone who doesn't do drugs, she sure goes on about it. She also told the magazine that a woman needs to let her man wear the pants in the relationship in order to make him feel like he is cared for. (And she doesn't do drugs huh?)













The Sun reports that Courteney Cox had an awkward face-to-face encounter with Brad Pitt on Wednesday. Courteney was at a Beverly Hills Hotel when Jen's ex-hubby came into the hotel with friends. He walked over and offered to buy her a drink but Courteney just offered a cold shoulder and a polite: "Thanks, but no thanks." An onlooker said: "Brad really got the brush-off. Brad stood right next to her and tried to strike up a conversation but she was having none of it. Brad walked away with his tail between his legs."

Now that's a FRIEND. I myself would of talked to him, taken the drink AND got a room for us both, hey, in a hotel may as well take advantage of it. Anymore questions?













According to IN TOUCH magazine Jennifer Aniston constantly reassures Vince Vaughn that she likes him because he's not perfect, the 'perfect' guy broke her heart. According to the mag, Jen is reconsidering her relationship because she's always felt a little awkward about Vince. Friends say that while Jennifer thinks he's a great guy, she never reportedly intended this romance to be more than a simple rebound fling.
"She's wondering what kind of future they'll have together," her pal tells In Touch. "He's pushing her to get serious, but she's keeping a safe distance."

I think it's the other way around. He's about to make a run for the hills while she probably makes ticking noises pretending to be her biological clock.













OUT AND ABOUT
Jessica Alba just finished getting her nails done and the phone rang. I hate when that happens.














It's clear who wears the chaps in the Beckham family. Unfortunately, it's not who we want it to be.













Cameron Diaz shopping in Beverlty Hills.













Mariah Carey still in Aspen with her dog Jack.













Mischa Barton and boyfriend Cisco Adler are also in Aspen vacationing.














Even supermodel Heidi Klum is there too with hubby Seal and the kids.













Kirsten Dunst is tanning somewhere hot.










David Letterman is golfing somewhere hot.










Britney Murphy's going somewhere hot.













Lindsay Lohan's in Miami trying to look hot.













Ex-lovers Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton are back together and keeping it hot in Maui.










Sharon and Ozzy at the airport with one of their dogs coming back from somewhere hot perhaps?













Daughter Kelly's not far behind with Sharon's favorite dog "Minnie". Or maybe it's Kelly's Mini Me.













Liv Tyler sure can multi task. I personally would just walk the baby alone. The baby needs lots of attention and care. I would leave the toddler at home if I were Liv.













Courtney Love shops with her daughter Frances Bean. Either Courtney's really slimmed down or man, I gotta get me a pair of those jeans. I love how they are holding hands. That's probably to keep Courtney from having nervous twitches since she stopped doing drugs.













Nicky Hilton picks up a FED EX package while vacationing in Hawaii. Don't worry. It's not ticking. It's for Nicky....not sister Paris.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 117

Britney Spears wants another baby and with Kevin Federline of all people. Despite the widely reported problems her marriage has had, Britney wants another kid “the sooner the better” — according to In Touch Weekly.
“Britney was advised to wait at least three months after her baby’s birth before trying to get pregnant again,” a “friend” told the mag. “Now that that’s passed, she wants to try right away.”

Shar Jackson thought another kid would bring her and Kevin closer together too. Look how well that's working out for her. If Kevin has any more kids he'll have to change his name to George Washington. Father of our nation.










Victoria Beckham says she could never be a judge on Simon Cowell's new ITV talent show because she claims she can't be nasty. Mrs. Beckham turned down offers to appear on the new show.
She told The Sun: "I can't be nasty to person's face, I just couldn't do it. Who am I to break someone's dreams? It takes a certain type of person to do that and that's not me. "

So Posh doesn't have a nasty bone in her body eh? (And let's face it she's got a LOT of bones) She could just go on the show and not talk yet be intimidating. Lord knows she scares me. She looks like a wax figure. She reminds me of one of those fancy apples at the grocery store that has been sprayed with pesticides and preservatives just to look that shiny.










Madonna is being asked to either give credit to lash designer Sol Rafael or return the diamond-trimmed mink eye accessories she wore on a chat show back in October. A source close to Rafael tells America's In Touch magazine that the designer worked with Madonna's stylist when the singer appeared on the Late Show With David Letterman. Also, Madonna has she has yet to return the fluttering lashes.
The source quotes Rafael as saying, "If she's going to keep them it would be nice to have her acknowledge me as the designer."

Designer eyelashes? Is nothing sacred anymore? Sheesh.













Are Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber to become parents? During Naomi's current stay in Sydney, she was seen visiting a Chinese herbalist and fertility expert. The actress has recently admitted she was desperate for children and was worried she had left it too late to conceive.

What's her rush? She's 37 for pete's sake. 80 year old women in Albania are still pushing them out like a bed of daisies on a perfect spring day.













A man who stole actor Will Smith's identity in order to get $33,000 worth of credit cards has been sent back to prison for two years after violating probation. Carlos Lomax was originally sentenced to 37 months behind bars after pleading guilty to opening 14 bogus credit accounts under Will Smith's legal birth name Willard C Smith.

What's the moral of the story boys and girls? Don't pretend to be one of the MEN IN BLACK or you'll be bending over in prison with the MEN IN ORANGE.









Nicole Kidman did not spend Christmas with her kids and family. Instead, she was with her boyfriend Keith Urban in Nashville, Tennessee according to the magazine In Touch. Although locals reported seeing the loved-up pair holding hands, the couple still hasn't gone public with the romance. It's the second holiday in a row the two spent with his family. She also joined them for Thanksgiving at the end of November.

Don't Nicole and Keith read the papers? The last time a movie star and country singer dated and got married all that came out of it were tears and a country hit most likely called "She was too thin and too busy for me - so I kicked her to the curb and now we're both FREE!"
(i.e. The Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger saga)











A friend of Paris Hilton's boyfriend Stavros Niarchos has launched a lawsuit to literally shut Paris up. Brian Quintana has served Paris with a "cease and desist" letter which contends that she is "ruining his reputation and interfering with his business relationships," according to PageSix.com. The legal papers read, "We would expect Ms. Hilton to understand the danger of making false statements against others."
The guy claims he had enough when Paris allegedly requested security to remove him and his friends from L.A.'s Club

It's not often Paris is in the news for having opened her mouth. It's usually her legs that are the culprit.









Mary J Blige says she had an epiphany at a show that saved her marriage. The singer was struggling with booze and drugs at the time .
She recalls: "My husband was going through so much with me, watching me going out, cursing him out. I watched him really hang in there and love me. There was something in him that I saw and I said, 'If I come home drunk tonight, he's gonna leave me.' When I came home that night - I got home early, I didn't smell of alcohol and I wasn't drinking and he said to me, 'I'm glad you didn't come home drunk, because I was gonna leave you.'"

She must of had a mint to hide the marijuana stink that night. Interestingly enough Mary Jane is the slangy code word for marijuana. Mary J Blige.....hmmm.
Anyhow, to be fair she was recently on "The View" and says she quit it all so good for her. Just don't hang out with Kate Moss and you'll be fine Mary.









Steven Spielberg is planning to remake classic 1960s musical Mary Poppins. A source says: "Spielberg wants to make a new film of Mary Poppins and we've talked about it a lot. It will be hard to outdo the original but kids love the story and I'm sure that the remake will be a real success."

I think either Pamela Anderson or Jessica Simpson would make a great Mary Poppins.













Strange choices to play Mary Poppins? Not if you consider that Pam and Jessica are both constantly Merrily Popping Out. Besides, this way adults will like the movie too.













Katie Holmes has denied rumors she is desperate to wed Tom Cruise before she gives birth to their child next year. Katie says she wants to wait so that she looks best on her wedding day.
In her own words, "All these rumors that we're getting married this week or next, they're just not true. I won't be waddling into my wedding with a big bump."

Well, even if she waits until after the baby and marries Tom there is still the big bump issue. Have you seen Tom's nose in a profile lately? He gives the words GIANT SCHNAUZER a new meaning.










Johnny Depp says he looks forward to being older and already has a vision of what it will be like. He revealed, "I'm an old-fashioned guy. I want to live to be an old man with a beer belly sitting on a porch, looking at a lake or something."

Johnny will be a hot, fat, old man. Eventually all men get old and get beer bellies but, not many have a face like this. Sigh.












Rumor Willis, daughter of Bruce and Demi, has an MTV boyfriend. According to People Magazine, Rumor is getting cozy with Benji Madden of Good Charlotte. The two were spotted at a recent party for The Dead Executives which is Madden's production team with brother Joel Madden, Joel, of course, is dating Hilary Duff.

The only explanation for this is that Rumor is 16. You remember that stage all women go through when the ugliest, nastiest, dirtiest, baddest boy was your dream man? Ok, so some woman. Ok, so a few woman. Ok....me...but, I'm SO over it.













Bono of U2 has jokingly confessed he "flirts" with his daughters. He says he is used to chatting-up beautiful women he even does it with his family. He said: "I'm such a flirt but, I've never met a halfway good performer who isn't. I'm surrounded by smart, intelligent, good-looking women that I can flirt with now, including my two daughters. I like the company of women."

This is just twisted. Flirting with your own kids? Even Michael Jackson wouldn't do that to blanket or little Prince Michael. Bono must be hanging out with Joe Simpson these days.













'Desperate Housewives' fans are in for a shock. Perfect, Obsessive, Compulsive Bree Van De Kamp will become an alcoholic in a shocking new storyline. Bree, played by actress Marcia Cross, will the hit bottle after first struggling to come to terms with her husband’s death and then her new fiancé dying of an overdose. The show’s creator told America's TV Guide magazine: "We're starting her descent into alcoholism. It gets pretty ugly. When Bree has tension she grabs a glass."

And you can bet your finest piece of tupperware that her glass will be sparkling clean when she's done with it!













A shipment of Nelly's energy drink 'Pimp Juice' has been stolen. More than 5,000 cases of the drink were taken. Nelly explained, "Somebody's holiday parties are going to be poppin'. Our company is prepared to handle situations like this, but it is sad that people get desperate this time of year."

Desperate is not strong enough a word. Who would drink something called Pimp Juice?













The Pussycat Dolls insist they are an "inspiration" to women even though they have an overly sexy image. They claim their look is "sassy but, classy" and admit they are desperate to be taken seriously. The band who started as sexy strippers on Hollywood'sSunset Strip say they aim to give girls confidence. They said, "We like to say that there's a Pussycat Doll inside every girl. We think we're just out there inspiring all these young girls, older girls, grandmas, to find that confidence and that Pussycat Doll within them."

Nice try but, the only people these women are inspiring are dirty old men who still live with their mothers.









Every Monday, FOX.com will be releasing exclusive behind-the-scenes footage from Prison Break. Watch Wentworth Miller sit patiently having his temporary upper body tattoo applied or get a closer look at the meticulous and poorly supported "Taj Mahal" that Wentworth Miller's character Michael Scofield is building. Prison Break returns with all new episodes on Monday, March 20, 2006 .....until then feast your eyes on this.










Here are some of his tattoos. You know, photoshop is a wonderful program.










OUT AND ABOUT
Cindy Crawford's kid shows the paparrazzi what he thinks of them.














Guess who's digging for bum lint?













It's cheatin' couple Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling. I hope he washes his hands before they have lunch.













Who's Nicole Richie's ex kissing?













It's actually Nicole! The two went out for dinner. Nicole is beaming. Not sure if it's because they are out together or it's that ONE day a year she splurges and has carbs.













Gwyneth tries to sheild baby Apple from the press. She should let the kid hang out with Cindy Crawford's son for a few days.










Marcia Cross makes a gorgeous bride for In Style Weddings Magazine













A view from the top of Jessica Simpson's newly purchased "Bachelorette Pad."









Kiera Knightley goes shopping in London. Hopefully to buy some pants.













Mariah Carey not only dresses like a 12 year old, she also hangs out with them now.













Kate Moss is back into the white stuff. But the good kind.













Mary Kate at a beauty salon. I hope she is just arriving cuz if she is leaving then she should get her money back.













Paris has an unidentified stain on her pants. She hasn't been interning at the White House lately has she?













Tara Reid literally "hanging out" with the boys.













CUZ I SAID SO!!