CUZ I SAID SO!

Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Movie Mania

Lately, I have been renting alot of movies. I go through phases and this one has a lot to do with the fact that my manicurist's husband owns a PIZZA PIZZA. They have a promotion right now where if you order pizza you get a free movie rental from BlockBuster. My manicurist saved me the calories and the yeast - she gave me a stack of coupons and believe me I have put them to use.

Here are the latest movies I have rented in the last couple of weeks and what I thought;

THE NOTEBOOK
I could chop six hundred and eighty two onions and not cry half as much as I did for this movie! My poor husband kept running upstairs to check on me because all he could hear was my loud sobbing complete with body shudders. I went through two boxes of kleenex with this movie. (Ok, so it was the cheap NO FRILLS kleenex but, nevertheless). I loved this movie. And I wanted so badly for my husband to watch it with me the next day. He was polite when he turned me down and had this look on his face that read "Are you kidding me - after the drama session you had last night? " The funniest part was how I kept trying to convince him he would like it too. I insisted it was NOT a chick flick. Apparently, my poker face sucks.......he didn't buy it. He is not opposed to watching chick flicks but, he only likes the ones with Salma Hayek, Jennifer Lopez or Sandra Bullock for some reason?? Hmmm.
Anyways, this movie truly touched my heart. It is the most romantic love story you will ever see. The characters are chilling, the story is riveting and the actor/actress who play the young couple are stunning.
No, ofcourse it is NOT a chick flick (Sniff, sniff)

DONNIE DARKO
This movie was recommended to me by a friend who told me she thought I would really appreciate it. The movie is essentially about a boy who has some type of schizophrenic disorder. He sleepwalks, is on anti-deppressants and has conversations in the evening with a half man/half rabbit character who speaks like satan. This rabbit/man gets the boy to kill people and cause mayhem in his town.
Remind me to spit in my friend's eye the next time I see her!
I couldn't finish watching this film. The only way I could appreciate this is if I was on acid and no, I don't do acid (Note to self to REMIND MY FRIEND that I do not do acid) OR if I was a murderer who talks to bunnies at night. And for those of you who have wondered.....NO I DON'T
Believe it or not this movie actually has a huge cult following and people love it. That certainly explains the current state of the earth to me in so many ways.
I will never get that hour and a half back. Ever .
And the nightmares! Oh...you don't want to know!


WISEGIRLS
This is a movie I never heard of. It starred Mira Sorvino and believe it or not Mariah Carey. They both play waitresses who work in an Italian mob infested restaurant. They become friends and get into all kinds of nasty situations together. I didn't mind this movie so much to be honest with you. I actually thought Mariah Carey's acting was pretty good. Yes, she plays a sleazy waitress who's boobs are hanging out every minute (Kind of like that fine casting of Courtney Love in the People Versus Larry Flynt where Courtney plays his alcoholic, drug laden wife who is a maniac)
So the acting wasn't a far stretch from Mariah's everyday life. I still think she did an ok job. I am not talking Oscar nomination, but, this was no "Glitter" ok???
The storyline got out of hand near the end but, with 'The Sopranos" on hiatus, I thouroughly enjoyed the gun shooting, blood dripping scenes immensely.
I thought this was an ok way to pass a rainy afternoon and let's face it , it was no DONNIE DARKO (see review above for clarification)


CLOSER
You may recall the ads for this. Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman and another actor who I didn't know but, he was kinda hot. This movie was strange. Not Donnie Darko strange... just unpredictable. I had never read any reviews or anything about it so maybe that is why. The Reader's Digest version of this movie would be : Man meets Girl, Girl gets hit by car, Man and girl fall in love, then Man meets Woman (Not Girl, girl is still girl) Man Likes Woman, Man wants to cheat on Girl with the Woman, Woman not interested, Man pretends to be woman on the internet and meets ANOTHER MAN who he sets up with Woman. Woman and ANOTHER MAN meet , Woman and ANOTHER MAN fall in love, get married. Then Woman decides she wants the 1st man, Woman and Man cheat on Girl and ANOTHER MAN. Woman feels guilty so she tells ANOTHER MAN. He is upset and to get back at woman - ANOTHER MAN sleeps with girl.......confused?? How do you think I feel?? I sat through this! But, I am intelligent so I actually had no problem following along. So, if you are up for the challenge go for it. It is interesting in how it deals with relationships and there are a couple of neat plot surprises in there. For those of you who care, this movie has more swear words than "Trailer Park Boys" And more sexual references than "The Sunday Night Sex Show" .......So make sure no kiddies are nearby unless you want to have "the talk" early.

SIDEWAYS
This is a very new release. It focus's on two men who go on a week long trip to celebrate one of their impending marriages. The one getting married is a selfish, hormone raging, annoying 40 year old boy and his travelling companion is a -writer who never gets anything published- just divorced and still hurting- neurotic man. This is like Bill and Ted's excellent adventure except Bill and Ted are middle aged and the adventure is not so excellent. So many things happen within the week and you are witness to some pretty bad behavior on the groom-to-be's part while you uncomfortably watch his poor friend try and salvage something.......anything. I thought the characters were great and the people they meet in their travels certainly made their trip, er, memorable. Anyhow, I thought this was better than Wise Girls, Not as Good as The Notebook and on par with Closer.........You will either like it or not like it so much.......this was nominated for a bunch of Oscar's not sure if it won anything.
I thought it helped a rainy day go by...........slowly......but, surely.

So I have two more to watch. "The Banger Sisters" For comedy relief and "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" Based on the book which I have yet to read but, hear it is incredible.

Friday I go back to get my nails done and maybe get more coupons. Hopefully, there won't be slim pickings at the video store this time.

Gotta go.
Someone at the door.
Crap! It's the Rabbit/Man!$^&^##^)(!!!!

CUZ I SAID SO!!

Friday, April 29, 2005

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack

Today is April 29th, I am committing to blogging again. The weather was nice for a while so I was enjoying it and didn't blog. Then the weather was pure crap and I didn't feel like blogging. There were some nights I watched television as I was too lazy to blog. There were times I was indeed on the computer but, found some great websites and stayed on them forever so I didn't blog. I have been either too busy, too tired, too careless or too pre occupied to blog.
Who will care anyway I thought?
Well, apparently some of you do. You like me, you really like me!

So due to popular demand (ok , so I got a couple of emails and a few comments) I am back as a full time blogger. So I am promising you I will commit to blogging at LEAST 3 times a week and I will try to do it daily. I realized that the few people who read my blogs and like them, really miss them. How could I deprive my fans?

I was very motivated but, still didn't do it. Then the breaking point came, the realization - if you will, the moment, the earth shattering "GET OFF YOUR ASS AND WRITE A BLOG" moment..........I found out that Pamela Anderson blogs. Now that was it for me. If Pamela Anderson - mother of two, fantasy icon to zillions of men, entrepeneur, television star, has her own clothing line, has three dogs she walks daily, dates regularly..........has time to blog then hell, I have no damn excuses anymore.

So here I am. I am back. It feels good. Just where I oughtta be.


Tonight I don't have a lot to say (Did I say that??)
But, when I do kids, look out!

CUZ I SAID SO!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The Story of My Life

The weirdest thing happened the other day. For some reason, out of nowhere, I started to wonder ....who would play me in a movie about my life. I know, it's not like it is ever going to happen but, one should be prepared for this if it did.

I have afterall lead quite an interesting life. The middle child (three older and three younger) of two portuguese immigrants who was raised to be scared shitless most of the time and rest of the times trying to figure out how to unscrew the lock on the room with the good food in it.....yes, yes, they locked up the good food (That's another blog trust me) I ran away when I was 16 and surprised everyone because all in all I was a quiet girl who obeyed everyone and got great marks. In fact I was the validictorian at my grade eight graduation and which nobody in my family came to (Oh! Can you hear those violins playing now?) I lived in a lot of places with a lot of different people over the years and saw things most of you only thought existed on late night television. (Hey, I am not bragging, believe me) I have done just about every job imaginable from bartending to bug exterminating (No, I was actually just the dispatcher but, it sounds more exciting if you actually think I was killing the bugs doesn't it?) I also dated a variety of losers and then one day at twenty eight got married, divorced a year later, broke my parent's hearts and moved on to meet my current hubby who I live happily with along with our precious pooch Chelsea.

(I know it is totally the Readers Digest version but, all the filler would be in the movie.)

So, back to the burning question. Who would play me?? I would say as a child I would get a lovely little curly haired mulato looking girl - I know I am not mulato but, I always wanted to be. As a teenager I am thinking Fefe Dobson.....that Canadian Singer. I know, I know, she is black but, it would go with the mulato theme and I like her tough look. That was my tough look stage, or so I though so .......it would work. Or maybe Kelly Osbourne. She seems angry at the world.
I figure since I am only 36 - or am I 37?? The same actress who plays me in my 20's could also play me in my 30's.......so here are my picks. (Not in any particular order)

1) Salma Hayak.....she has dark features and so do I. She smokes alot in real life and so did I in my 20's so the scenes would be bearable for her. If I stopped getting my eyebrow waxed for a month I would rival that FRIDA eyebrow for sure. She would have to work on getting rid of that accent though or I would have to become fluent in Spanish. It isn't looking good for me becoming fluent in Spanish anytime soon.

2) Lauren Graham (the mother on the Gilmore Girls) - For some reason, people I don't know tell me I look like her quite often. I don't see the resemblence at all but, I guess it could be worse. I could be stalked by Michael Jackson fans so I will take the Lauren Graham as a compliment. Besides that, there is no other reason I would pick her except well, if you are casting someone to play you - you may as well pick someone much slimmer than yourself...so yes, I pick her.

3) Fran Drescher - The Nanny fame....only because she is loud and I figure she would be great in the scenes with my family. The louder the better.

4) Kirstie Ally - Someone has to be able to withstand all the family get togethers and weddings that will be in this movie. Lots of food. Mounds and mounds of it in fact. Kirstie's my girl. Big or small, I love Kirstie.

5) Pamela Anderson. She would do my running on the beach stage. When I was a lifeguard.
Ok, so I was never a lifeguard , I can't even swim. The only time you would ever catch me running on a beach is if I was being chased by a pack of hungry wolves.Forget Pamela.

6) Princess Stephanie of Monocco. As long as I remember this girl has always been a rebel. She has broken every rule and never apologized for anything. Her father was embarassed by her actions and her family has never understood the decisions she made. She is the black sheep exemplified. .... BAAAAAAA BAaaaa ABAAAAAA! Talk to me sister!

7) Jennifer Lopez. Not for the acting part.....she is a horrible actress ..... I just need her ass to be my body double. (For all those scenes when I am walking away.......leaving home, leaving my first husband, quitting my jobs.......you know - JLO will be busy)

8) Eva Longoria - (Desperate Housewives)
I know, she is shorter, smaller and much more beautiful than me it is a tv movie and everyone else gets a prettier, skinnier person to play them so why can't I? It's not like I am casting a supermodel here and let's face it - I could (Oh stop your snickering!)

9) Johnny Depp's Wife...not sure of her name -she is a french actress........nothing to do with her, I just want to ensure he is at the premiere. (Mental note to put him at my table too) Her invitation will somehow get lost in the mail. Ooops

10) Oprah Winfrey. Oprah rocks. Oprah is a good person who always does the right thing. She is good hearted, successful and funny.
Also, she would bring in the ratings for sure!!
Yes, I know she is black but, remember the mulato child... it all makes perfect sense.

Last but, certainly not least.........MOI. All I need is a hair and makeup person , a couple of acting lessons and some botox. I am set. Besides, nobody knows me like I do .......

CUZ I SAID SO!

Monday, April 04, 2005

Growing Up Gawdy.

What a silly show. Growing up Gotti or as I call it Gawdy. That is exactly what they all are!
Where to start? Ma. Victoria Gotti (Gawdy). Just a single mother trying to get her three teenage sons to behave themselves. Oh give me a break. Her father was John Gotti. Mob boss. Everything this woman has was handed to her on a silver platter. Her "humble" house is a gigantic mansion with acres of land. They are always eating take out cause Ma Gawdy is too tired from her job. (Did I mention she writes for STAR tabloid magazine and goes in once a week for a couple of hours?)

Ma Gawdy is constantly whining about her precious boys John, Carmine and Frankie - who between them wear enough hair gel to style the hair of all of the continent of Asia. These boys are spoiled flipping brats. They are disrespectful to their mother and everyone who attempts to discipline them. Ma Gawdy is constantly making excuses for them. Stupid commentaries as "The boys are really pushing their luck today. They don't know who they are messing with"
Oh, I beg to differ Mommy. They don't care what you think. They don't listen to you. You give them everything they want and they never pay the consequences for anything they do wrong. Mama Gawdy also goes on about being a single mom. I know plenty of single moms that put her parenting skills to shame. These women I respect. They work a full time job, their children are well adjusted, respectful and very happy. The Gawdy boys are nasty mouthed immature boys who will criminal records (if they don't already) in true Gotti Style. A few murders, a couple of rapes, a few assaults.
"You know those boys if they don't get their way!!" as Ma Gawdy would say.

And who pray tell told Victoria Gawdy that she looks good in white? She is always wearing white. Why?? This is more mystical to me than the Cadbury secret. She also is in pajamas ninety percent of the time. Ma Gawdy always has to point out that her hair, breasts and nails are really hers. NEWSFLASH VICTORIA.......don't really care or believe you. Call a spade a spade will ya??

The other characters on her show consist of her gay friend who is pompous, her uncle Luigi who is drunk most of the time, Quack Quack, another friend who is the boys chaperone (Puhlease!) And Victoria's brother whats his face. Bunch of losers. Totally.

I find it so hard to believe that the daughter of a major influential mob boss would agree to having her private life filmed with her three sons. It just doesn't make any sense. I would really like to see this show cancelled or at least spoofed on MAD TV. There is just so much to ridicule here.

If they really wanted to make this show interesting to me, Victoria would get a real forty hour week job, make dinner at least twice a week (After she worked all day ofcourse) downsized the house, disciplined those hooligans and maybe she could even give them each a slap on the head or a curfew or some rules.......that would be reality baby.

Did you hear that?? John Gotti just rolled over.....

CUZ I SAID SO!

Sunday, April 03, 2005

SPRING AHEAD! The time change

It is now 9:30 technically but, 8:30 in my head. I woke up up eleven by my body clock but NOON on the wall clock - Only because I went to bed at 2am which was really 3am. Arrggghhh!!! I am confused already. I am also kind of tired and kind of hungry. I ate dinner at 7pm which really was 6pm so by now I am usually dipping into the snack cupboard only it is 9:30 not 8:30 so if I eat now I will not be able to sleep.

My whole day like yours I am sure was completely out of whack. All this for an hour?? What a difference an hour makes! So I decided that until my body adjusts to the spring zone I am going to look at all the positive things this time change brings.

I will be done work an hour early tomorrow. I will be home when normally I would still be at work. That's a good thing right?

In the evenings, after dinner when I take my darling doggie for her walk it will still be light out. ALLELUIA! ALLELUIA! You know all the media hype that people are lazy and do not pick up their dogs poop in the winter? It's all lies. If we don't pick it up it's because WE CAN'T SEE IT!! So, yes, the streets and parks will be cleaner.

I have been meaning to get to bed earlier and with the new time change I will. Even though the time will be later I will be physically in the bed sooner than I would before the time change.

Turning the clocks ahead means OPEN TOE SHOE season is a coming!! Yeehaw. And yes, I am one of those people who gets pedicures year round so I am not afraid. My feet are far from perfect but, much better than if I didn't go get pedicures year round.

The weather will improve. I feel completely confident saying this as it can't possibly get much worse than it was this weekend.......I almost put my scarf away!! Darn it.

The time change has made my body confused and I have no real appetite as I normally would. This has gotta be good for a few pounds at least until I adjust.....to the new time that is.........

Right now we are all confused but, don't fret. Before you know it your body and mind will all fall into the rythym of the "spring ahead" hour.
And sure enough once we are used to it will come the time.
To turn the clocks back again.

CUZ I SAID SO!

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Oh my .... God.

This blog was inspired somewhat by the death of the pope today. Hardly any of this blog however , is about the pope. I will leave that to someone else.

I am Catholic. Not a practising Catholic but, I was raised Catholic by other non practising Catholics. I don't mean that to be in any way disrepectful. It is the truth. Once in a while I went to church as a young girl and I used to sing in the choir at school so during that time I was at church quite often. I liked being in the choir for the same reason I liked joining the track team, the cross country team, the basketball team, the volleyball team.....you name it........I was allowed to leave the house. Everyone though I was this athletic social butterfly.
No.
I would of done anything to get out of the house first of all and secondly, singing in the choir would allow me to wear some of the high heel shoes my neighbour at the time would give my sisters and I. Yes, I was thirteen and wearing the big wedge shoes. Standing so proud singing my Ava Maria's. (If I only knew then what it was going to do to my still forming ankles!)


So that was what the positive side to being Catholic. It got me out of the house to sing in the choir at church. The downside at that time to being Catholic was walking around constantly with the heebyjeebies....knowing that the devil was going to get me. Somehow, someway, he was going to get me. The teachers scared us, the priests scared us, my mother, my principal.......I mean I remember asking in Grade 8 religion class what apparently was the most blasphemous question anyone could ask "If Jesus loves us and we love Jesus and Jesus is good and Jesus cares for us then why do we spend more time talking about the devil?"
I remember the hush that went over the classroom. I remember my teacher's vein throbbing uncontrollably from his sweaty forehead.
I remember being told not to question the bible or anything in it. I remind the teacher at this point I am not questioning the bible but, rather questioning the teacher, my parents, society in general. The teacher did not know what to do with me so he did what they did in those days and sent me to have the strap. It was by the Principal, Mrs. FitzPatrick who was a nun. I remember not being afraid or worried. Surely being punished was a good thing... that way the devil wouldn't come looking for me himself. It was taken care of.

I stopped questioning religion after that happened until my late teens. I actually began to try and "find myself" spiritually. I started going to different churches of different denominations thinking that one of the faiths would jump out at me. Reach me in a way catholicism never did. But, no matter what type of church there was always a basket of some sort coming around or box with a plea on it for donations. In fact one church I ventured to it wasn't enough to just give your money, they wanted you to become a missionary and go help the less fortunate all over the world. You have to understand that at the time I was 17 or 18. I thought I was the less fortunate. Nobody had problems like me. You know, the whole self absorbed stage we all go through. After fruitless attempts to awaken my spiritual side, I stopped church hopping.

I don't know technically what religion I am. I am probably a mish mash of different religions. As I said I was raised Catholic but, I don't feel Catholic.
I do believe in God . I do believe he had a son. According to the holy bible Jesus was Jewish. So this kind of always confused me because if I worship a Jew shouldn't I be one? Anyhow, I don't know if I buy the entire Immaculate Conception story but, I definitely have studied the bible, read it, enjoyed reading it and found great power and strength from it. I have prayed for miracles, seen miracles in front of my eyes and have always felt indeed there is a higher power and indeed I believe it is my God.

Who is my God?
My God loves me, My God tests me from time to time, My God gives me obstacles and the tools to bypass them, My God gives me joys, blessings and happiness from the simplest of things. My God gives me inner strength , courage and the gift of kindness. I am a good person. I stop to help the lady carry the stroller up the stairs. I give my seat to the old man who is trying to pretend he is ok standing up. I hold the door for the geeky guy with ripped t-shirt. It rather pains me to see people treat others cruelly or with no compassion. The state of our planet frightens me.
Let me give you an example. The Tsunami. Thousands died. Thousands more came together and pledged money to help the survivors. Millions of dollars were raised to help the victims of this tragedy. Meanwhile, back at home I witness things like a severly handicapped man not able to get on an elevator at the subway because it was too crowded with well bodied people with perfectly fine limbs who would not vacate the space for the ONE person who really needed it.
My point is that although the tsunami relief was wonderful and many people did give with big hearts that meant well..........I wonder how many pledged their twenty dollars, took their moral bath and the very next day pushed someone out of the way or did not hold the door for an elderly person behind them.......We must treat each other with dignity and respect!!!
At the end of the day, when I close my eyes to go to sleep - I know I have tried my very best to be a good person, to do the right thing and to try even harder tomorrow.
This is my religion. This is my driving force. My God is the invisible force I feel around me everytime I do something nice or speak well of someone. The invisible force surrounds me and tells me it will all be worth it - not just at the gratifying moment - but, in the end.
And how can I possibly avoid going to that wonderful place we Catholics call heaven if I continue to strive to be the very best HUMAN being I can be???

Friday, April 01, 2005

An ode to April Fools

Nobody got me today. As in fooled me today. Although every incident that happened to me today prior to noon I kept thinking was a joke. I mean I actually had a lot of work to do today and it was Friday. I was seriously wishing it was a joke. I kept waiting for someone to go "Aha!" or "Got ya!" Or "Don't tell me you believed that?" So I was extra cautious all day without reason to be and questioned everything everyone said to me. I wanted to catch someone in the act. Nobody was remotely trying. Therefore I was an April Fool. All brought on by myself.

Some people however are fools more than once a year. Way more in fact. So today's blog will be dedicated to fools. Full time fools. There are just too many fools to choose from now that I think about it so short of writing an entire book on idiots I will narrow it down to ten.

My choices for top TEN fools of the past year or so. (Drum roll please with a hint of violin for drama)

10) Jennifer Aniston.
What? Is it not obvious??? She just filed for divorce from Brad Pitt. Yes, I know, I was divorced, I should understand that when you unhappy you gotta go.
But, then again, I was not married to Brad Pitt.
I am sure no matter how bad - I could of come to sort of compromise with Mr. Pitt
Any compromise really.
Yes ofcourse Angelina can sleep over.


9) Britney Spears.
So she hates the press and hates the spotlight. When you walk down the street wearing a t-shirt that screams " I AM A VIRGIN but, then again this is an old shirt" Exactly how does one expect not to get attention?? The woman is now married to a man she was dating while his girlfriend was pregnant with his second child. (Did you get all that??) I mean this girl had her pick of the crop and she chooses that? I don't get it. Oh, and if I see ONE more photo of Britney walking out of a public washroom at a gas station with no shoes on........I really can't take that. How grossly unsanitary!! We all know Britney cleans up really nice. I just wish she would.

8) Puff Daddy, P-diddy, Poo-duddy, whatever he calls himself lately.
Can anyone explain to me how this guy got so famous?? I didn't even know who he was until he started dating JLO years ago. Yeah, I know, there was the gun scandal at the club, the video he did with Nelly at the club and the party he had with the penguins who were scared... you guessed it ....at the club. Really though.....who is this person??? Why is he everywhere and nowhere at the same time? I know, he has his own designer clothes line. It consists of big cotton t-shirts that say things like "Let me Pimp you up" And "Mommy, I want some". The trousers are six sizes too big and apparently they just can't put his oversized, overpriced clothes on the racks fast enough. It boggles the mind.

7) Michael Moore - of Farenheit 911 fame
Let me start by saying I am not a George Bush fan. My opinions on the president are my own. I have done my own research as I feel that after the events of 911 - Everyone should of been looking for answers. I have not seen any of Mr Moore's films nor do I care to. I do know lots of people who saw his movies and were immediately brainwashed because whatever he depicted in his movie was just so earth shattering. PUHLEASE!!! I simply cannot believe that this man is any different from George Bush. They both tell ONE side of a story and try to intimidate people into taking their views by scaring the crap out of them. It is all American Propaganda to me.
Michael Moore should of done "Super Size Me" - He knows as much about McDonalds food by the looks of him as he does about the American Government.

6) Star Jones - from the "View"
You must of been living under a rock or hanging out with Osama-Bin-Hiding if you don't know Star Jones got married recently. Don't know if you watch the view but, that was a trying time for all.....when she was getting married. There will never be another bridal horror story like Star. She was self absorbed, condescending to the others, name dropping constantly, trying to get freebies for her big day.........oh the angst!! It was rather painful to watch. The woman was out of control. I can honestly say I lost the one iota of respect I had for her while she was planning that wedding. The actual wedding day she was apparently even worse. From the time she started to plan the wedding until after it finally happened, we watched her withering her weight away to nothing. In fact in the course of one show I swear she is dissapearing within the hour. I totally attribute her bitchiness to the fact that she was on some crazy deprivation diet. All that woman needs is a crispy cream donut......Still, no excuse. I couldn't of put up with her.

5) Prince Charles
So he is finally marrying Camilla, the love of his life......if he were a real man he would of stood up to his mother , confessed to Mr. Parker - Bowles whom he was deceiving and he would of married Camilla and NOT Diana. Diana would still be with us today if she had not married Charles. Then again I doubt Camilla and Charles could ever produce two fine specimans like William and Harry. So, maybe a couple good things did come out of the union.
Charles is finally going to be happy with his fair old maiden.
Who cares?
Prince Charming is one thing I am certain he will never be.

4) Eric Bonet (Halle Berry's ex?? )
He cheated on Halle Berry. FOOL with a capitol F. I honestly am not a shallow person and I know there is more to someone than looks...........but, we are talking about Halle Berry here. I mean his mistress's must of been double jointed, hung from the chandelier or could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Other than that....The man is going to be sorry if he isn't already crying over his subscription to "Sexual Addicts who Lost everything and everyone that everyone else would do anything for"
Stupid, stupid man.
Hey, Halle, I hear Brad is available.........you better hurry.


3) Paris Hilton
Proof that all the money in the world cannot buy common sense. Never before has one person ever been so famous for NADA, ZILCH, NIL ..........NOTHING. Yeah, she looks good but, if you spent 12 hours a day getting ready you would too! Even better perhaps.
This woman has had her personal sex tapes get out, her dog got lost and all the info in her cellphone/messenger/blackberry/camcorder leaked out to the press oh so conveniently.
How this woman finds her way home at night is beyond me. She needs to go away for a while and I don't mean on vacation. If Ms Hilton wants to impress me , the 4th season of SIMPLE LIFE would really entail a SIMPLE LIFE. Send Paris to a third world country without proper water filtering systems, send her stay with a family struck by tragedy who have lost everything but, their dignity. Give Paris a real job. A job where she is accountable for her actions. Where she does not get paid until her work and her time is done.
"Another one of my sex tapes leaked out, I have 5086 pairs of pink shoes and ran out of cocaine"
Woe is me. Poor little rich girl

2) Anna Nicole Smith.
Like a bad accident. You don't want to but, you have to slow down and look. Half the time I can't understand what she is saying and the other half of the time I do understand I wish I hadn't.
Sssshea shurrrrree luks gooooooood tho'...........
It's only a matter of time before the research confirms that TRIMSPA not only melts away fat but, also brain cells.


1) Jennifer Aniston.
I mean c'mon.