CUZ I SAID SO!

Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Celebrity W.T.F's Volume 96

I am back! Ok, lots to talk about and forgive me if I miss anything. Here we go.... (In no particular order)
Enjoy.
David Beckham opened a new soccer school in east London this past week. Also, his wife Victoria got into a little fender bender also. David told GMTV about the mini accident saying:
"She's got a new car. Obviously she's not used to driving on the other side of the road or the other side of the car. I took her out in it and she actually knocked one of the wheels on the first drive." he revealed.
Victoria is the same idiot who announced weeks ago she has never read a book in her life. I suggest starting with a driver's manual!









Katie Holmes was spotted buying blue baby clothes in LA recently. Friends have reportedly confirmed the news that she is expecting a boy and added that the couple will call their baby William Oscar.
Did Katie also buy diapers, baby oil and a rattle? Maybe they aren't for the baby afterall. Maybe Tom's got a fetish. If you know what I mean. Nope, can't be actually....if it was for Tom the baby clothes would be pink.












Debbie Rowe has told Irish media that Michael Jackson is not the biological father of their kids, Prince Michael Jr and Paris. She claims they were conceived with the help of an anonymous sperm donor.
Debbie stated,"Michael knows the truth that he is not the natural father of Prince Michael Jr. and Paris. He has to come clean."
I think I know who this anonymous sperminator is - the same guy who gets everyone else pregnant.
Kevin Federline. Just look at little Prince Michael Jr. He's got Kevin's darty eyes.









Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are reportedly the proud parents of a baby girl, born late Wednesday. Celebrity magazine US Weekly made the report, apparently the little girl's name is Violet. How lovely for them. CONGRATS!









Coincidentally, Jennifer Lopez who was once engaged to Ben Affleck just got a new dog. A german sheppard. Is this suppose to make Ben jealous? Here she is with hubby Marc Anthony and their new pet. Marc is the dog in the middle by the way.













I hope the dog runs for it's life. Literally. J-Lo is eyeing the poor thing like it's a mink stole. We all know how much J-Lo likes fur....as an accessory.
Just wait until P.E.T.A finds out about this!











First rumors fly that Nicole Kidman and country singer Keith Urban were engaged. Now the rumors include that she is also pregnant. Mind you the source is the trashy mag "Star".
They report Nicole appears to have a growing belly in the most recent photos. Also the magazine revealed Nicole and Keith spent Thanksgiving with both Kidman's and Urban's parents.

What a coincidence. Here's Keith holding Nicole's tummy. Maybe her ex-husband Tom will buy them a sonogram machine too. Then again, maybe she's not pregnant and just ate way too much turkey and stuffing.













Madonna is so impressed with the dancers she recruited for her Re-Invention tour last year, she's writing a movie about them. Madonna personally auditioned performers to support her spectacular stage routine and did not want to leave them behind when the tour finished.
She tells PageSix.com: "They are not just dancers. They're filmmakers and artists. Creative cyclones. I adore them."

Funny how Madonna only finds her husband, children, publicist, friends, associates and now back up dancers brilliant. Everyone else she considers stupid.













Shar Jackson (Better known as Kevin Federline's ex) has turned down the role of a lifetime in a new movie because producers wanted her to gain 60 pounds. Shar gained 30 pounds after giving birth to her son with Kevin last year tried out for the part in the unnamed project. Producers actually told her she still wasn't big enough.
She explains, "They go, 'Sorry, you're still not big enough. Can you put on another 30 pounds?' "That's when I said, 'You know what? I can't do that because I already walk past the mirror and I don't know my reflection in the mirror. "
She sees it as gaining 30lb after having the baby. I see it as her forever losing 150lbs when she kicked Kevin to the curb. Even Jenny Craig can't get rid of that kind of baggage.










And speaking of ......Britney Spears is said to have finally kicked out her husband, Kevin out of their Malibu mansion. Apparently they got in another fight Wednesday night and Britney sent Kevin to stay at the Beverly Hills Hotel. She supposedly lost it when a bunch of Kevin's pot smoking friends showed up at their house.
A source revealed, "Britney fired two of her longtime security guards for letting what she called 'the weedman' into the house. She just seemed crazy with anger."
Good thinking Britney. Send him to an expensive hotel and pay for the bill. That'll teach him! (Can you feel my eyes rolling?)













According to IN TOUCH Magazine, Mary Kate Olsen is so happy after gaining almost 15 pounds that she has decided to keep the weight on and get rid of her skinny wardrobe. A source tells the magazine the star recently donated thousands of dollars worth of designer clothes to the West Hollywood thrift store Out of the Closet.
I'm confused. I thought that is where she got her clothes in the first place.













Paris is rumored to be planning on marrying boyfriend Stavros in a New Year's wedding in Hawaii.
A piece of stale gum will last longer than this marriage. Hey, at least he knows he'll get a guaranteed lei when he gets off the plane.










The fourth season of the reality show, titled The Simple Life: Till Death Do Us Part, will air on E! next spring. The upcoming season will put the former best friends to "the matrimonial test," according to a statement. In the 10 new episodes, the two women will each take turns playing the role of wife and running a household. They will be required to perform household tasks such as cooking, cleaning and taking care of children. Then each family will decide which young heiress is a "keeper."

My money's on Paris. I like Nicole WAY better but, let's face it - when you weigh less than most eight year olds from a third world country - how could one possibly have the energy to maintain a household?













Rapper 50 Cent is planning to release his own new line in condoms and sex toys. According to America’s GQ magazine, 50 Cent wants to branch out into the sex market, even to create a vibrator that looks just like him.
50 Cent's been shot NINE times..... Don't buy his condoms! They probably have holes all over them too! As for the vibrator....doesn't he call himself "shorty" all the time?












Guy Ritchie has allegedly turned his back on Kabbalah and is trying to distance himself from the religion because he feels as though being associated with it has hurt his career. A friend says, "I think Guy is finally realizing that following Kabbalah hasn't been his greatest career move. He has been notably less enthusiastic about it of late and has apparently been staying away from the Kabbalah Centre."

I'm sure his wife's recent antics such as parading around in multi colored leotards and using a microphone as a sexual prop have NOTHING to do with him avoiding the centre....or anywhere for that matter.













Nick Lachey, whose split from Jessica Simpson was announced last week, is about to become a newlywed again. The actor-singer is working on a new sitcom for the WB network in which he'd play a baseball star involved in a new marriage, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

Maybe his new tv wife will know that chicken of the sea is really tuna without having to ask. One can only hope. Here's Nick leaving a recording studio with an unidentified hot brunette.













Playboy founder Hugh Hefner wants to be buried next to screen goddess Marilyn Monroe. The 80 year old considers L.A's Westwood Cemetery the ideal final resting place. He has already purchased a vault alongside Marilyn who he considers "the major sex icon of the 20th Century".
He says, "Most of my dear friends are buried there. When I found the vault next door to Marilyn was available it seemed natural."

Yeah cuz Hef hasn't lay next to enough blondes in his lifetime already! Sheesh.









Vince Vaughn, driving in a rented car with Jennifer Aniston, was pulled over by local police in Arizona. They were stopped Tuesday by a police officer for a minor traffic violation. Reports say the couple was cordial and cooperative. However, the officer thought he smelled alcohol in the vehicle. Vince had to take a sobriety test, but was determined to be under the legal blood-alcohol limit. .

Maybe they just bought the car from Tara Reid?









More Jennifer Aniston news.....the ex Mrs Pitt has reportedly burned her wedding dress. According to Grazia magazine, the actress and her friends gathered outside her Malibu beach home for burning the wedding dress but also Brad’s old love letters, tee shirts, photos and CD’S. Aniston reportedly raised a glass of champagne as the gown went up in flames.
Angelina would of donated the dress as well as all the other memories to charity or auctioned them off for an orphan fund...cuz she's a Jolie good fellow.













Apparently Brad Pitt is officially a "Braddy". He has adopted Angelina's two children Maddox and Zahara.
It's a good thing none of these kids are named Peach or Arm. Think about it.









Oprah and David Letterman made nice this week. They finally put a 16 year feud to an end when she appeared on his talk show live on Thursday evening.
Letterman told the audience, "I've been sort of gruff, I've made jokes and generally been a nuisance so of course she wasn't eager to come on the show." He also said he was surprised and pleased when his son was born to receive a gift from Oprah which was a box of books "Harry's Book Club" for the baby.
Later, Oprah was on her way to the star-studded Broadway opening of the play "The Color Purple," produced by Oprah in a theater across the street from the Letterman show. Dave escorted her there after their segment together.
Moral of the story? Don't piss Oprah off.













OUT AND ABOUT.....
Christina and hubby Jordan on their honeymoon in Bali. She announced she will keep her stage name for her career and change her personal name to Maria Bratman. Maria is her middle name and Bratman is her hubby's surname.













Sienna Miller attacks the press. Again.













Tara Reid is rumored to have had yet another implant operation. I'd ask for my money back. Silicone shouldn't sag.













I wonder what Kirsten Drunk, um, I mean Dunst is doing at the liquor store.













Pamela Anderson gets in the car with her jugs. Jugs of juice I meant. What were you thinking?













Gwen Stefani and her husband Gavin Rossdale go shopping. Surprisingly, there is not a Harijuko girl in sight.













Mariah Carey attempts to channel Jessica Rabbit.













Lindsay Lohan channels Mariah Carey.













Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas channels a cabbage patch doll.












Jessica Simpson seems upset. Is it because of Nick?













Or...could it be that she got some bad lip surgery and now she is channeling Melanie Griffith?












Madonna channels Tara Reid.













Beyonce channels J-LO.













Pamela Anderson curls her lip and channels Billy Idol.












Jessica Alba wishes she raided her mom's closet instead of her grandfathers.














Wentworth Miller channels Scofield.
Sigh.

3 Comments:

Blogger Pink Pen said...

Glad you're back. I'm terribly behind in my celebrity news :)

Pink

11:53 PM  
Anonymous Terri said...

Keep the Scofield pics coming!

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Kim said...

YES! You are back!

11:00 AM  

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