Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Monday, November 28, 2005

Celebrity WTF's Volume 95

Some of you know we had computer problems ...I'm much to cover but, I am going to have to pick and choose because I have missed a lot! I will try and update you and keep it brief.
Here we go.
After months of rumors, denials, and stories in magazines, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are officially done. The couple jointly announced their separation last Wednesday.
"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways," Simpson and Lachey said in an official statement.

Hmmm and meanwhile Jessica's out at the movies and having dinner with Trace Ayala. He is apparently Justin Timberlake's best friend and was engaged to Elisha Cuthbert but, oddly enough he just broke up with her after Nick and Jessica announced their split.

Christina Aguilera tied the knot with music executive Jordan Bratman in a Saturday evening ceremony in California's Napa Valley, Us Weekly reported. Sources told the magazine that Aguilera, her hair decorated in jewels and pulled back in a bun topped by white flowers, walked down the aisle in a Christian Lacroix gown. The couple exchanged rings in front of about 130 guests. Justin Timberlake, Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore were among the list of stars who attended. The highlight of the wedding was when the groom thanked his parents for his "well endowed manhood."

I guess Christina really does know "What a Girl wants!"

Katie Holmes was thrown out of a California cinema when a vibrating gadget she was clutching disturbed fellow film fans. Katie claimed was holding a buzzing aid against her pregnant stomach, as she believes it is comforting to the fetus.
I have two theories on what happened.
1) Tom implanted a stun gun on his fiance to keep her awake while watching his movie "War of the World's". If she tried to nod off she got 2,046 volts through her body.
2) That was not a vibrating device to comfort the fetus. It was to, comfort, mommy.

More Tom and Katie news....they are planning to wait until their baby is born before they wed in 2006. Tom told Barbara Walters in an upcoming TV special that the engaged couple are planning a wedding ceremony for next summer or early fall, but they're yet to set a date. Tom has also revealed that he has bought his own sonogram machine so he can follow the baby's progress. He plans to donate the high-tech hospital equipment to an undisclosed maternity ward.

What he should of invested in is a paternity test.

Tom's ex-wife Nicole Kidman could not be reached for comment although I have a vision of her reaction.

Kirsten Dunst has her friends worried. She is now hanging out with Tara Reid. The two showed up together at a party. Kirsten is getting quite a reputation these days as she is showing up at parties and premieres everywhere wasted.....And some Web sites are now calling her "Kirsten Drunkst."
Not me. I prefer to call her "Thirstin' Dunst"

Speaking of drunks.....Tara Reid is so desperate to appear on the hit reality TV contest "Dancing with the Stars," she reportedly has instructed her agents to do whatever it takes to get her a part in the show's second season. An insider claims Reid's agent is "aggressively" trying to get her a spot on the show, which premieres in January.

Didn't some chicks dress fall off on that show last year? This time I suppose it won't be an accident if Tara gets on the show.

Pamela Anderson is apparently dating former 'Sugar Ray' singer Mark McGrath. Reports say the two spent a weekend at Anderson's Malibu home, leaving only to go food shopping.
Finally! Pamela dates a man who's hair is shorter than hers....although he may use WAY more hair products thand she does.

Vince Vaughn is adamant he is not taking his romance with Jennifer Aniston seriously and admits he hates dating.
He says: "I'm not dating seriously. I hate dates and I don't even like the concept. I try not to take it too seriously."

Um, does Jennifer know this? Here they are canoodling in a dark alley with friends.

LOTS of Angelina/Brad news to get to....
First Angelina Jolie received a Cambodian passport after she was awarded citizenship of the impoverished south-east Asian nation. Then there was the story about Angelina passing out at the airport due to exhaustion. Then Brad and Angelina were seen looking for a house together. No, not in Cambodia, and damn it - not on my street either. Which really is a shame cuz Maddox and Chelsea would get along famously.

Angelina and Brad then spent their Thanksgiving weekend visiting earthquake victims in Pakistan. United Nations goodwill ambassador Angelina wanted to see how the UN High Commissioner for Refugees is taking care of the survivors of the October quake which claimed the lives of 73,000 people and she took Brad along with her.

So while millions of Amercans stuffed themselves with turkey and pumpkin pie, Angelina visited the victims and spoke out for them while Brad donated hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of orthapedic beds to the local hospitals.

Angelina and Brad also went to the hospitals to visit the victims of the earthquake as well as the areas hit by the devastation.
Even these women who don't know how famous Angelina is were in awe of her.

Then...the two went to Japan to promote their film "Mr and Mrs Smith". The couple had banned the international media from attending press conferences during their promotional trip to Japan in a bid to dodge questions about their relationship. They were in Tokyo Friday to promote their movie and only responded to questions from the Japanese media about their professional lives.

Angelina guides Maddox through the airport.

Braddy and Zahara. I honestly cannot say who is cuter. It's a draw.

Madonna admitted that her hubby walked out of the room when she first played him her new album 'Confessions on a Dancefloor', which is currently No 1 in the UK album chart
She told Britain's Observer Music Monthly magazine: "Guy thought it was sh*t . He prefers Irish folk music "

He also probably prefers a wife who doesn't masterbate in a pink leotard in front of millions. Just a hunch.

Jennifer Lopez has signed up to appear in tire-makers Pirelli's 2006 VIP calendar. The star's shoot, in which she wears a skimpy white bikini, took place in in May. The famous calendar will be distributed to the tire firm's VIP clients.

I guess you do what you have to when they stop sending you scripts. Even bad scripts.

Britney Spears is in talks to play the lead role in the musical "Sweet Charity" on Broadway, the New York Post reported on Wednesday. She would replace Christina Applegate in January, the Post reported. Britney on Broadway? They know she can't sing right? Or act right? She would of been a good replacement for Christina Applegate when she was on "Married With Children" - Britney would of played slutty white trash "Kelly Bundy" to perfection. And she wouldn't even need to act.
Here's Britney out getting her belly button re-pierced late last week.

Meanwhile, Kevin Federline boasts he's put his interior decorating and landscaping skills to good effect while his wife has been busy getting used to motherhood.
He says, "I designed our backyard. We've got a pool, a grotto, a barbecue area. But the key piece is the shark tank. It's probably like 600 gallons. A flat-screen TV comes up in front of it. It's like a tropical paradise."

A two month old baby in the house and Kevin's spending time in the backyard? What do they need a grotto for? And a shark tank? What if the baby gets out by himself....or is that the point?
Gee can't figure out why Britney's so pissed at him, seems like Kevin has his priorities straight. His corn rows must be way too tight.

Kevin and Britney will finally show off baby Sean in the 1st week of December PEOPLE magazine issue. Apparently they are portraying the perfect family image in the issue. Gee, maybe I underestimated Britney afterall. She IS quite the actress!

Britney even showered for the shoot. Or maybe she is wearing the bathrobe as a cover up. Literally.

Here's Kevin with the baby. They probably made him hold a cabbage patch doll for the photo. Nobody trusts him holding the real thing cause his hands probably shake really bad if he doesn't have a cigarette or joint in them on a regular basis.

Nicole Richie's dad Lionel Richie - finally addressed his daughter's weight loss. He said she is under a great amount of stress and that is why she is so thin.
In the words of his famous song...."HELLO" ...your daughter is not eating. The odd lollipop or bite of a sandwich she has a ONCE a week does not count Lionel!

If Nicole's dad was Jessica Simpson's father Joe - her weight issue would been addressed months ago. Joe would have notice the diminishing of his daughter's breasts.

Stupid Paris Hilton had her pet monkey "Baby Luv" confiscated by the police. Usually, Paris just tires of her exotic animals and abandons them but, luckily this time the cops took her illegal pet monkey away from her. I am actually surprised the monkey didn't eat Paris. Let's face it, she's tall, long and her hair is so yellow she could be a huge banana.

Mariah performed at a half time show this past week and surprisingly wasn't half dressed. She probably made a mistake. This outfit was supposed to be for when she visits her grandma in the old folk's home probably. I guess the old men will be in for a treat when she wanders in with the REAL half time outfit.

Courtney Cox takes in some rays on her beachfront property.

Brooke Shields is showing now with her 2nd child. I wonder if Tom Cruise will splurge and get her a sonogram machine also....I won't hold my breath. He'll send her some vitamins maybe.

Eva Longoria is supposed to be on Saturday Night Live this weekend and apparently she is appearing in a spoof of the "Vanity Fair" cover episode and she will play the part of Teri Hatcher. Hissy fit and all!

David Beckham and his wife Victoria leaving their hotel. They are in a hurry. Must be rushing to a designer shoe sale somewhere. No not her, him.

Nope, this ain't Whoopi Goldberg. It's Janet Jackson. That's right, you read it right. Janet Jackson.

Lindsay Lohan was on Jay Leno last week. She flashed her legs to the crowd and apparently lap danced for another guest, some rapper while on the show. Her parent's must be so proud. Really.

Paris manages to still date Stavros despite rumors that they broke up.

Jennifer Garner is still pregnant and ready to burst!

Pamela Anderson was in BC Canada this weekend with her sons. She served as the Master of ceremonies for the Grey Cup parade and made an appearance at the actual game!

Pamela also makes sure to go to all of her kid's games whenever she can. Their team must win all the do young boys concentrate when this is on the side lines jumping up and down.

And since it got me the most comments ever last time I included Wentworth Miller on my blog. (HINT HINT)Here are a few more photos.

How will we occupy our Monday nights now ladies? Sigh.


Blogger Bernadette said...

Welcome were missed.

Okay, I'm convinced. Tom Cruise's body has been taken over by 'aliens'...he spends enough time with them anyways. (Stay away from the water - have any of you seen Invasion).

8:45 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

thank you a million times over for the wentworth photos.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Dill said...

welcome back... I actually considered buying a mag cause I missed you....

11:43 AM  
Blogger TangentArifa said...

Yipee! My prayers have been answered - the WTFs are back!!! It was tough going for a while but all seems right with the world again. On to WTF #95, so much to say:

#1 - Pamela at her kids' game - that photo looks bizarre. Maybe I've just never seen her full body profile....
#2 - Nicole Ritchie - I know anorexia gives distorted views to the victim but why isn't Poppa Lionel strapping her to an IV?
#3 - Janet Jackson - c'mon there must be some range between the "Lollipop" heads and this!
#4 - and finally Wentworth ...... THANKS for finding more pictures. Haven't figured out a Monday night substitution yet. I suppose you will need to post photos every Monday until the show returns!! And exactly how come that pill he had inserted under his skin didn't get absorbed????

Looking forward to WTF #96.....

12:25 PM  
Blogger glor said...

When I first hear about Jessica & Nick's split, the first thing I thought was "OMG, Linda better get her computer fixed soon cause this ain't healthy, she must be bursting with something to say!!!". See how you've infiltrated my daily life? You knew you had loyal followers but now you've really figured out a way to hook us with Wentworth. Welcome Back!

5:55 PM  
Blogger [.a.n.d.r.e.w.] said...

So much happened this week so I was thinking "lol Linda must be itching to write in her blog!" Damn computers!

Anwayz why is Janet so fat now? =S Also, its funny how Jessica announces her divorce just 2 days after Christina gets married, then Britney posts pictures of her baby in People... Their all trying to steal each other's thunder! =P

Christina looked amazing in her wedding dress. They have all these pics in OK! Magazine which I still haven't found... =S LOL at Mariah, YES shes finally wearing clothes! Lets make it a habit Mariah! =P

3:07 PM  

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