Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Monday, June 13, 2005

Seven deadly fashion sins.

The heat of a pending summer is upon us. Most people have dug out their summer wardrobes and have been dressing for the weather. I have seen many fashion faux pas which I must address. I have decided to only pick on women here as if this was pertaining to men's fashion sins I would not have enough blog space! (If I see another man wearing black socks with shorts and sandals I will scream)

I call these Fashions sins. For those of you who are not familliar with the original sevin deadly sins, these are the worst sins you could commit when it comes to judgement day and each has it's own torturing punishment. I have provided the deadly sin in BOLD below with a brief description and then applied it to fashion. I also have incorporated my own punishments. This goes beyond the no white shoes before labor day stuff. Yes, this goes much deeper.Here is my list of the seven deadly fashion sins.

1) PRIDE Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
So you bought a new skirt that all your coworkers are gushing over. When they tell you it is gorgeous you pipe up "Thanks! It was x amount of dollars". I know you are proud of your purchase but, we as women really just learn to say "Thanks" when giving a clothing compliment. I should know. I commit this sin on a daily basis.
Punishment Eventually people will get so sick of your bragging that they will no longer compliment you. No matter how cute your new purse is.

2)ENVY - is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Why are women so catty with one another? Why do we stare at that nineteen year old with the perky breasts, 20 inch waist and want to pick her apart? Instead of giving each other dirty looks for looking beautiful we should all be complimenting each other and confirming to each other that we are the superior sex. Why do women compete with one another for attention? Women dress for other women. Hardly ever for men. A million men can tell us that we look nice but, if ONE woman tells us than we know we do!
Punishment Everytime you have a secretly catty thought about a beautiful or well dressed woman you will acquire a new wrinkle or a half pound on the scale or BOTH depending on how damaging the thought. The woman you insulted however will experience even more radiant skin and grow quarter bouncing buttocks.

3)GLUTTONY - is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires
This is for those of you (And you know who you are) who over-accessorize. No occasion calls for fiftly bangle bracelets, four anklets, a toe ring on each toe and a studded belt. Wear them but, please not all at once!
Punishment You will be a magnet for metal detectors, lightning bolts and greasy italian men who wear more chains than you own.

4)LUST is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
We all know there is a difference between sexy and skanky. In case you are not sure sexy is exposing a peek of ONE of the following; chest, stomach or legs. Skanky however is exposing a whole lot of more than one of these areas or worse - all of them at the same time. (Think Lil Kim or Christina Aguilera in her "dirty" days)
Sexy is good. Skanky is bad. If you choose one of these looks than at least be confident in it. Don't tug endlessly at a short skirt, teeter on your stilettos or adjust your chest to avoid wardrobe malfunctions. Put on something sexy that fits you properly, comfortably and own the look. Punishment You will get a ton of attention. Not the good kind.

5)ANGER is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Do not kick your scale if you do not like the number on it. Do not throw your jeans across the room when they don't do up properly. Don't curse yourself in the mirror of the bathing suit fitting mirror. It's not your fault. Those are trick mirrors. They are suppose to depress you so that you shop more. (Those people at bikini villiage don't have me fooled for a minute!) We really are our worst critics. Let's try and learn to love ourselves for who we are and how we are right now. Those models are skinny yes, but, what who wants to be hungry and grumpy all your life?"
Punishment Any negative self talk will become reality. If you say "I am useless", "I am ugly", "I am a cow" Guess what? You will be. That'll teach us all not to put ourselves down.

6)GREED is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual.
When you do find that cute ten dollar top or funky twenty dollar pants do tell others about your fashion finds. Let's not confuse my comments on PRIDE - in the event of a great sale or clearance you must share!!
Punishment In fashion hell you will never find a good price on anything ever again and if you do they won't have your size.

7)SLOTH is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
Nobody likes a slob. If you are at home nobody cares but, if you venture out in public do make an attempt to smell clean and take your hair out of your face. The only exceptions are if you just ran the Boston Marathon or you have children under the age of ten. (Most people with children under the age of ten will tell you the Boston Marathon is easier to do......)
Punishment nobody will want to associate with you or they may start rumors that you are going crazy and living like a hermit.

I have been guilty of all of these sins at some point in my existence as a woman so please understand these criticisms come from my very own experience.
You can exempt yourself from all these "rules" if you can get just one man to stop wearing those black socks this summer. Good luck. You will need it.



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