Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Friday, June 17, 2005

Fast Forward

Let's go to the year 2015. Play along now. Imagine the world as we know it ten years from now. It is really not that far in our future but, with all the technical advances and scary scientific experiments in the works it may be a whole different world.

My predictions for 2015 (Imagine me in a gypsy get up looking into a smoky crystal ball)

Osama-Bin-Hiding will be found. He will be incoherent, mumbling and playing with a G.I. Joe doll.

JK Rowling will come out with her 12th Harry Potter book entitled HARRY POTTER AND HIS MYSTICAL MORALS. This bestseller will deal with Harry's pending divorce with Ginny Weasley and his addiction to japanese porn.

Toddlers will learn how to rap before they learn how to talk. Their first words will be things like "I drool like a fool and like to drop a stool cuz it makes me a stinky fool but, hey I am cool "
Parents think they have it tough now.

The government will FINALLY stop making us pay taxes. Instead of tax everytime you buy something you will pay a fee to make up for not paying tax. The fee will be 50% of your purchase. The very least you can do as a citizen.

A typical family day out will involve a tour of the planets in space, a chance to go travel through a time machine or the option of changing your entire family's identites completely. By 2015 it will be considered lazy to just go and steal someone else's identity.

Men will be able to give birth. None of them actually will however and suddenly stocks in viagra go down so dramatically it is pulled from the shelves and discontinued.

Anyone who ages without surgery, has their own breasts or any cellulite is a freak of nature. The more surgery the better. Think Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson mixed with a dash of Priscilla Presley.

Everyone will be the same colour. Due to the fact there will be no ozone layer left.
Hope you all like fuschia.

Fashion trends? Nun habits and burkas will be hot items! By 2015 everyone will be sick of today's "Why imagine when I can just show you how I am naked" look. I wonder what the REAL prostitutes are wearing these days?

ATM's will be replaced with superhero booths. You will have to go into the booth transform into whatever your alter ego may be and do a good deed for every twenty bucks you need. (A girl can dream right?)

The Subway and or busses will be $8.25 per fare and that will include a hit of demerol to make the ride home a little more bearable. (I think people would pay this! I know I would) The drivers will strike because they will be exempt from having any demerol themselves and will find this unfair.

Howard Stern will still be annoying and ugly. Even with all that surgery.

There will be no more war, no guns, no bombs, no weapons. Women will be running the free world. When a particular president or prime minister is PMSing they will have stand ins for that short time. Kind of like the runner up in the Miss Universe pageant. That way countries will continue to work together in harmony.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will have two children naturally as opposed to adoption. 48 percent of the entire world's population will pay for the precise DNA composition to produce the same children genetically. 31 percent of people will purchase a clone of one of these children and the other 21 percent of the world will not be able to afford it but, Brad and Angelina will visit these impoverished communities and give them the money to make their dream come true. They will however visit these places separately. No, they won't still be together. Get real!!!!

Some things never change



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