CUZ I SAID SO!

Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

A bit about Pitt

So if you missed ABC Primetime last night, Diane Sawyer had a one-hour special in which she interviewed Brad Pitt. For those of you who missed it (WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?) they discussed his new movie, Angelina Jolie, who he claims is NOT the reason for his pending divorce and Diane accompanied him to Africa where Brad is hoping to make a difference in their poor communities.

I decided to interview Brad myself. Well, in fantasyland. Here is my interview with Brad Pitt.

Linda: (Silent and in a daze)
Brad: "Hi"
Linda: (Silent and drooling)
Brad: "Hi there?"
Linda: (Smiling stupidly and twirling her hair with her finger)
Brad: "Linda is it? Linda are you ok??? Linda??"(Looking around the room desperately at the crew) "Does she talk? Is she ok or what?"
THE GAY MAKEUP ARTIST "ROMAN" COMES OVER AND WHACKS LINDA ON THE HEAD AND YELLS
"GET A GRIP WOMAN! C'MON! EVEN I CAN FORM A SENTENCE RIGHT NOW!"
Linda : "Um, sorry, um, sorry, so sorry, ok Brad? May I call you Brad?"
Brad: "You can call me whatever you want honey" (Winking)
Linda: (Blushing furiously trying not to faint while turning a lovely shade of tomato red) "um.... Um, where was I?"
Brad: (smiling) "yes, you can call me Brad"
Linda: (melting) "Ok, then, um, ok, um Brad your latest movie entitled Mr. and Mrs. Smith has just um, been, um, released. What can you tell me about this movie?
Brad: "I can tell you that you will love it."
Linda: (giddy and now losing colour) "Yes, I am sure I will!!"
Brad: "I am very proud of this film. It is unlike any character I have ever
played before "
Linda: "Are you, um, naked in this film? "
Brad: (smiling coyly) "Well, aren't you a naughty girl!! No, not fully naked
but, lots of love scenes where I am semi naked. "
Linda: "Ah yes, With Angelina? What was that like?
Brad : It was great but completely choreographed. Meant nothing."
Linda: " So you are not involved with her romantically then? "(with a twinkle in her hopeful eye)
Brad: "Angelina and me? The last thing I would call it was romantic! I like
her and admire her work and she is hot. What more can I say? "
Linda: "I know. She is hot isn't she?? Even I want a piece of that..(Turning another shade of red and covering her mouth) I didn't mean that, what I meant um, was, um, she is pretty "
Brad:"Oh you meant it baby, you know you meant it"!(embedding his blue eyes into Linda's suddenly boring brown ones)
Linda: "So what happened with what's her face? "
Brad: "You mean Jennifer Aniston? "
Linda: "Oh her.......yeah what happened?"
Brad: "We just had different roads we wanted to travel for a future. I still love her. But, I love her like a friend "
Linda: "Yeah, but, let's face it you ain't no Ross or Chandler!"
Brad: "What are you saying? I am a Joey? "
Linda: "You are so not Joey!! No, no!! You are smart and cute and lovely and so cute and buff and cute and handsome and heavenly and cute and sexy and clever and Sexy!!!! Nobody compares." (Gay make up artist "Roman" hands Linda some tissues to wipe her salivating mouth)
Brad: "Thanks for that. I am pretty hot aren't I?" (Trying to look in makeup artist "Roman's" mirror)
Linda: (Nodding like a bobblehead on speed) Uh Huh!!!!
Brad: "Thanks"
Linda: "No problem - so you didn't just get sick of Jennifer did you? Or even worse did she get sick of you? There is no hope for anyone if she was sick of you? We should all just pack it in now for the love of........"
Brad: "No, nothing like that. Please move on with this topic - I already have. "
Linda: "Um, so what's with Africa?"
Brad: "I want to make a difference to those people"
Linda: "How come Diane got to go to Africa but, I was never asked to accompany you for this interview?"
Brad: "You're hot, she's not. I knew if I took you along those poor orphans would be starving still. I would never of made it to the camp. Diane was safe. She is nice but, not my type. Not my type at all."
Linda: (Splashing water on her face) "Um, yeah, well ok then"
(Long pause while they get lost in each other's eyes)
Brad: "So then, anything else you want to know about Africa?"
Linda: "Yes, um, Are you adopting a child from there? "
Brad: "Possibly "
Linda: "Have I mentioned how much I adore children? Especially black children? When do you plan on doing this? "
Brad: "Not sure, just thinking about it right now. In fact I want to start a family. "
Linda: "Um, I am sure you have women lined up to help and many men also, now that I think about it but, then again, those men cannot give you what you want, um, I mean a baby. Well, you can do that with a man but, then you need to adopt and um, you know, the woman, well, um, you like women don't you? "
Brad: "WTF do I look like - Tom Cruise? You know what? You just crossed a line "
Linda: "Sorry, um, I am trying to contain myself, I am so overly a fan of yours and um, had all these great questions to ask but, now I am, um, completely Pitt struck and I, um, am becoming, um, a babbling idiot. Um, sorry. "
Brad: "That's ok babe. I am actually enjoying this. You are some kind of woman I tell ya. It is very flattering how you are falling all over yourself for me. I am just surprised you have not fallen out of your seat."
Linda: "That's because they restrained me to the chair. Didn't they have to restrain Diane Sawyer? "
Brad: "No. Mind you they had to restrain Dan Rather once. "
Linda: "Oh."(And then breaks out into giggles that are similar to that of a love stuck fourteen-year-old girl)
Brad: "Do you want to see my chest and then maybe get some ice cream? "
Linda: "DO I? DO I?? Yes, yes oh God Yes! "
Brad: "Ok, but the camera goes off then. Besides, I got my own camera if you know what I mean "
Linda: (YELLING AT THE CAMERAMAN) "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? SHUT IT OFF! NOW!" as she throws a brick at the camera man.

Fade to black.

Yeah, that's just how it would of happened.
It never will however because I am quite happily married to a wonderful man who loves me dearly. Too bad for you Brad. You'll have to settle for Angelina.


CUZ I SAID SO!!

8 Comments:

Blogger glor said...

I honestly don't know what to write...I'm speechless. I was tired, about to go to bed, so I decided to check and email and poof, there is your interview. You warned me Linda, you told me you were going to blog Bradley. So even with this warning, I wasn't ready for what you wrote. I love Bradley too and yes, I'm a dumbass for missing the interview. But at the same time, isn't it your responsibility to share the news of the interview with fellow Bradley lovers? Oh wait, I didn't see you at work yesterday...must have missed you cause you were so busy doing...stuff. Anyway, I saw some highlights and damn, he looked hot. Oh Bradley...I could never date a guy named Bradley from now on cause there would always be a comparison. Oh, by the way, I used to work with a girl whose last name was Pitz. Her brother's name is...you guessed it, Brad. Sucks to be him!

9:25 PM  
Blogger Chelsea's Mama said...

Hi Gloria, first of all I was going to discuss the real interview but, I figured if anyone missed it they cannot call themselves a fan. The real fans know what went down on Primetime. Secondly, you can't date anyone named Brad? How do you think Jennifer Aniston feels now? Who the hell can hold a candle to this man. It's not just his looks. Ok, it's a lot to do with them. It's his charm, his very essence, the light behind his eyes........'
Roman! I need a tissue!

10:25 AM  
Blogger glor said...

Well, as the more expert Bradley lover, it's your duty to teach us naive Bradley admirers the art of adoration and devotion...Don't say you need a tissue...that has a whole new meaning to me now. Kleenex should refocus their future advertising campaigns!

9:26 PM  
Blogger Bernadette said...

I actually did see most of the interview. I've never been a Brad Pitt fan...found him to pretty. Was very sorry to hear about him and Jen breaking up. It's always sad when a marriage fails.

I was confused after watching the program the other day to find that I had drooled all over myself...WTH (what the heck...I don't want to swear)...I don't go for blonde men...(or women for that matter..blonde or otherwise)...but he was incredibly gorgeous and better yet...he wasn't jumping on the chair and whopping like a 14 year old. So my dear cousin Linda, you were right when you said...you are happily married so GET THE HECK OUT OF MY WAY CAUSE HE'S MINE NOW!!

;-)

Ben (BTW...my really name is Bernadette....I'm a female...Brad if you're reading this...xxxxoooo)

8:00 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

I dont know what went down on that interview.

I didnt see the whole thing, but his denial of his supposed affair with Angelina left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I was looking at the TV saying....ACT....ACT....you're not folling anybody here.....FOR PETES SAKES...ACT....

Anyway, I saw this on another website, and it sums up my feelings of Mr. Pitt completely:

Why do women want him....:
"Listen, honey, I’m stupid (“Se7en”). I’m insane (“12 Monkeys”). I’m a terrorist (“The Devil’s Own”). I’m a Nazi (“Seven Years in Tibet”). I’m Death (“Meet Joe Black”). Oh, and I’m a figment of your imagination, too (“Fight Club”)."

12:49 PM  
Blogger Chelsea's Mama said...

The man is Sven Gali. Up until Ben saw his interview she commented on a previous blog she didn't get the attraction. Now she does.....see his power???

1:22 PM  
Blogger glor said...

I saw Mr & Mrs Smith tonight...I couldn't focus on the movie for the first 10 minutes because the sight of him just made me giggle and swoon. Damn, he looks good in the movie. Everyone must go see the movie, it's a good movie too even if you ignore the Bradley factor. But of course, who can separate Bradley from this movie? Go see it!

11:43 PM  
Blogger Bernadette said...

The attraction could just be due to me...let's just say 'drought'...

2:44 PM  

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