Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Walking Miss Chelsea

My dog's name is Chelsea. Don't tell her I told you. No, not her name part but, the fact that she is a dog. She certainly doesn't think she is a dog.
But, then again why should she? She certainly doesn't get treated as a mere dog. She has her own closet, a room dedicated to her complete with a daybed which she loves lying on and half the cupboards in the kitchen are filled with her food and treats.
Chelsea loves food. She loves children. She loves people watching and she loves her walks!

I used to take her for a bunch of mini walks throughout the day but, now that the weather has agreed for the most part, we go out every day (yes, rain or shine) for at the very least 60 mins. It is great excercise for both of us and it is one of my favorite times of the day.

Chelsea loves her walks as I said. Chelsea and mama (That is me) Actually, if you really must know I refer to myself as Mama Love because I am the mother of Love when it comes to my pooch. My husband laughs everytime he hears me refer to myself as Mama Love. He says he can't get the image of a madame from the 70's with an afro who deals drugs on the side.....out of his head whenever I call myself Mama Love.

Anyways, Chelsea gets so excited when she sees Mama Love putting on her walking outfit - yes, I have certain items I wear for our walks - and when she sees my running shoes, she does a spin of glee and waits by the door for me. I prepare by grabbing my cell phone (You never know when you are on your travels and remember a juicy bit of gossip you forgot to share.....oh and OFCOURSE for safety reasons..) I grab a couple of pooper scooper bags (I used to bring only one and learned my lesson the hard way that sometimes you need four - don't ask) and I grab Chelsea's purple leash, hook her up and away we go.

Chelsea struts out of the house. That's right. She seems to think the entire planet is here for her enjoyment so she is letting the world know she is ready for them. She is a decent walker whereas she will heel right in stride with me behaving very nicely and keeping a great pace until.......yikes.......teenage girls. With high pitch squealy voices. Chelsea just goes nuts for teenage girls. Especially when they notice her and shriek to high heaven "OH MY GOD! LIKE, LOOK AT THE PUPPY! IT'S LIKE SO CUTE YA KNOW??" - Once that moment happens, yes, it happens alot, I have lost all control. Chelsea is hurling herself at them, choking herself on her leash, gagging for air and hacking to death. Then the people look at me like "What's your problem? Why can't you control your dog". The solution to this is simply for me to pick up Chelsea and she scratches the hell out of my arm trying to fling herself at the teenage girls.
All around she is pretty good though and it only happens when we see teenage girls, small children, big children, some adults, select senior citizens and two handfuls of neighbours. Otherwise, she is pretty calm......really.

I like to take Chelsea to the cemetary. There is a rather large one near my house. I find it very peaceful, beautifully filled with flowers and usually there is nobody around so she walks very nicely. The best part is that no dogs are allowed in the cemetary unless they are on a leash. I refuse to go to a park with her because people let their dogs run wild. I love my dog to death but, this does not mean I love other people's dogs. Sometimes they jump on her, look like they want to hurt her or worse hump her and I really am sick of watching people ignore what their dogs are doing or asking me why I don't let Chelsea off her leash to play with the other dogs.
I will not let Chelsea off leash. Ever. It is not because I don't want to let go, ok, it is some of that but, it is simply for her safety. She runs in our fenced in backyard. When I call her to come inside half the time she listens and the other half of the time she runs away from me refusing to come in. Why would she listen to me in a park full of people, dogs, kids and other distractions? Precisely! She wouldn't. Chelsea also apparently has no fear of cars whatsoever. She doesn't chase them or anything silly like that but, she doesn't understand that they can kill her. Out of pure excitement she would run into a street and not care there was a car coming nor would she even notice.

You'd think being a dog she would go crazy for squirrels. Nope. Something else she doesn't notice. Sometimes she does see them but, she can't be bothered. I don't know if it's because she is scared of them or because she is too lazy. Probably the latter. Sometimes she will react to a bird but, once in the cemetary she kind of darted towards some geese and then got scared when they fluttered their feathers. Since then she could care less.
(On a side note I once saw a goose go ballistic on a child at Centre Island and coincidentally one of my sisters and I got into a fight on the fake swan ride at Centre Island years ago .... I am not very partial to birds at all)
Cats however, really get Chelsea's attention. She tries her damndest to get to them and chokes herself to the point that I have to pick her up again. She then cries like this high pitch wail - as though I am keeping her apart from her lover or something. I am pretty sure Chelsea wants to be with a cat. I know it sounds crazy but, she wants to be with a female cat too. I just know this ok? I don't understand her fascination with cats. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

The whole purpose of Chelsea's walk is to get her some excercise. ( I know, I know, I keep picking her up but, hey, have you seen my biceps lately?? Linda Hamilton from the TERMINATOR look out missy)
Secondly, Miss Chelsea always sleeps very well after we go for a long walk and she will sleep through the night which means we will ALL sleep through the night. (Yes ofcourse she sleeps with us......don't tell me you're surprised?)
The third purpose is for Chelsea to poop. (For this I am grateful I have a small dog. Small dog equals small poop - also having a small dog is a bonus for when you have to keep lifting her up) Alas, an overload of treats or an unidentified object doesn't mean a smooth poop, it is almost always small and easy to pick up. I know, you are so glad I am sharing this. I'll move on soon. I promise. Chelsea, like many humans who would not dare admit it, likes to examine her "package" once she has delivered it. Normally she looks quite proud at it and prances on. Luckily for me she does not eat it. Some dogs do that. Nasty. Chelsea ate geese poop once but, she is not deranged enough to eat her own. (Whew!) And for something so small, let me tell you the reek...ok I won't go there.

Speaking of reek she had gas last night. I don't care who thinks so and so has the worst smelling farts.......My little 12lb dog will put them to shame! I am not kidding. She must of ate something nuclear. She could take out a small country........ok, I am sorry. Enough.

I enjoy and benefit from our walks as much as Chelsea does. So I don't drool all over at the thought of them or relieve myself on public property (Well, not lately) But, the walks give me energy, help me to enjoy the weather, learn about the neighbourhood, clear my mind and appreciate this beautiful earth God has given us to thrive on.

Maybe it's the other way around.......Maybe Chelsea takes Mama Love for walks......



Blogger Chelsea's Mama said...

Mama Love

Face it.
Your obsessed.

I still love you
Miss Chelsea

11:00 AM  

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