Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the tv
Reality shows have taken over the television. You cannot run from them. You cannot hide. They are everywhere. I like a few of them but, generally find they are getting stale and predictable. They have to spice them up or get them off the air soon.
Here are some of my ideas for new reality shows:
SURVIVOR - WALMART : Participants must go to walmart on a Saturday mid afternoon when they are having a crazy sale on toilet paper. The first person to get to the toilet paper, get it, bring it to the cash, pay for it and get to their car is the winner. They win the toilet paper. The twist is that you cannot swear, push anyone, bud in line, knock over carts or be rude to the salespeople or other customers. Oh, you mock me now, have you ever been to WALMART on a Saturday afternoon when they are having a sale on toilet paper??
NIP/YUCK : Blooper tapes from Extreme Makeover and The Swan where no matter how much surgery they gave the recipients it just made no difference.
AMERICAN IDLE : Cameras follow around average American people and the only time they actually get off the couch it is to go to McDonalds or the neighbourhood buffet restaurant.
THE DEGRADING RACE : This show is set on the Toronto Subway system. In the middle of morning rush hour. Watch live cameras as people kick, shove and push their way to work.
DESPERATE HOUSEWARES : This show focus's on the lonely lives of the corning ware stuck in the top shelf of the kitchen. The muffin pan that is screaming to be filled. The crock pot growing cobwebs. The coffee maker that hasn't been plugged in for months.
They will tell the sad stories of the families they live with who have discovered the convenience of take out.
THE SIMPLE WIFE : A billionaire has to choose between twelve hick town girls who have no teeth and no education.
He hands out daffodils instead of roses.
AMERICA'S NEXT POP MODEL : Beautiful girls who can sing vie for the title of POP MODEL. In the end nobody cares about their voices..... but, the girl's don't realize that and actually think they can sing.
Simon is no where to be seen but, Paula shows up on the set regularly somewhat disoriented and tries to flirt with the director's sixteen year old son...hmmmm...
SEX AND THE WITTY : Comedians attempt to make various couples laugh while they are.........well, you know.
NEWFIEWEDS : Set in Newfoundland this show documents Newlyweds. Jessica Simpson is deemed to be intelligent after this airs.
EVERYBODY LOVES GAY MEN : Straight girls talk candidly about why they love to hang out with gay men. Perks such as having a fantastic dance partner who doesn't want to grope you and will tell you that you have lipstick on your teeth and your bum does look big in that skirt are discussed.
OPRAH WIN FREE : Regular everyday women fight in a vat of mud for free Oprah Winfrey tickets. Dr Phil judges who the winner is and analyzes what sick psychosis they obviously have since they are willing to do this on national television. After the show everyone has fresh salmon sprinkled with dill and works out with their personal trainer.
THE APPRENT-ASS : Corporate fools lie on their resumes, stab each other in the back and put on fake personalities in order to work for a multi - millionaire with bad hair and a hot wife.
It's been done?
Crap, that was my idea!
CUZ I SAID SO!