Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Friday, May 06, 2005

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the tv

Reality shows have taken over the television. You cannot run from them. You cannot hide. They are everywhere. I like a few of them but, generally find they are getting stale and predictable. They have to spice them up or get them off the air soon.

Here are some of my ideas for new reality shows:

SURVIVOR - WALMART : Participants must go to walmart on a Saturday mid afternoon when they are having a crazy sale on toilet paper. The first person to get to the toilet paper, get it, bring it to the cash, pay for it and get to their car is the winner. They win the toilet paper. The twist is that you cannot swear, push anyone, bud in line, knock over carts or be rude to the salespeople or other customers. Oh, you mock me now, have you ever been to WALMART on a Saturday afternoon when they are having a sale on toilet paper??

NIP/YUCK : Blooper tapes from Extreme Makeover and The Swan where no matter how much surgery they gave the recipients it just made no difference.

AMERICAN IDLE : Cameras follow around average American people and the only time they actually get off the couch it is to go to McDonalds or the neighbourhood buffet restaurant.

THE DEGRADING RACE : This show is set on the Toronto Subway system. In the middle of morning rush hour. Watch live cameras as people kick, shove and push their way to work.

DESPERATE HOUSEWARES : This show focus's on the lonely lives of the corning ware stuck in the top shelf of the kitchen. The muffin pan that is screaming to be filled. The crock pot growing cobwebs. The coffee maker that hasn't been plugged in for months.
They will tell the sad stories of the families they live with who have discovered the convenience of take out.

THE SIMPLE WIFE : A billionaire has to choose between twelve hick town girls who have no teeth and no education.
He hands out daffodils instead of roses.

AMERICA'S NEXT POP MODEL : Beautiful girls who can sing vie for the title of POP MODEL. In the end nobody cares about their voices..... but, the girl's don't realize that and actually think they can sing.
Simon is no where to be seen but, Paula shows up on the set regularly somewhat disoriented and tries to flirt with the director's sixteen year old son...hmmmm...

SEX AND THE WITTY : Comedians attempt to make various couples laugh while they are.........well, you know.

NEWFIEWEDS : Set in Newfoundland this show documents Newlyweds. Jessica Simpson is deemed to be intelligent after this airs.

EVERYBODY LOVES GAY MEN : Straight girls talk candidly about why they love to hang out with gay men. Perks such as having a fantastic dance partner who doesn't want to grope you and will tell you that you have lipstick on your teeth and your bum does look big in that skirt are discussed.

OPRAH WIN FREE : Regular everyday women fight in a vat of mud for free Oprah Winfrey tickets. Dr Phil judges who the winner is and analyzes what sick psychosis they obviously have since they are willing to do this on national television. After the show everyone has fresh salmon sprinkled with dill and works out with their personal trainer.

THE APPRENT-ASS : Corporate fools lie on their resumes, stab each other in the back and put on fake personalities in order to work for a multi - millionaire with bad hair and a hot wife.
It's been done?
Crap, that was my idea!



Blogger arifa said...

Congratulations Linda! You've inspired me to create yet another user ident and password, thereby adding to my ever increasing list....

Although I've been enjoying your blogs, it's probably not surprising that I would choose to reply to THIS particular blog, being a reality tv junkie, although a very discriminating one!

You've got some great ideas for new shows, the question is: who knows where Moses Znaimer is? He is probably the only person who could get these put on tv. Or maybe channel 10 for community tv. You have to start somewhere.

You should enter this blog into one of the newspapers. Don't the free papers have guest columns?

Take it easy & happy blogging .... looking forward to your DH blog! Maybe then people will contribute to the discussions.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Bernadette said...

I love kill me. I do not like reality shows...but I'd consider some of these!

4:12 PM  
Blogger H.Defreitas said...

Gee, you must have had an extra break at work...LOL (kidding)

Those were hilarious, I wonder if any of these shows would survive on the networks...
Reality shows are getting to me too....
"Survivor" WALMART - alot of Europeon people would jump to the challenge. I've witness it.

"Degrading-race" no comment. I have my own show every morning. I should write a book "Transit for Dummies"

"sex and the witty" I'm glad I not alone.

11:35 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...


You have a wicked sense of humour. You should be a humour writer!

I'm sure we could all write reality TV show ideas related to our jobs. Although, I will have to admit that Ben's and Helder's would probably be the most interesting, as they both deal with people with mental issues on a daily basis....

ha! :)


3:02 PM  

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