Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I'm all the Desperate Housewives

Even if you don't watch DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES you may appreciate this. Especially if you are a housewife. (Today that means being a wife who lives in a house - the old terminology of housewife - woman who stays home with children may still apply and you still get props but, the definition should be clear here)
I took a quiz called "Which Desperate Housewife are you?". I took it five times. Each time I took it (the questions aren't always the same) I was a different housewife.
At first I thought that was strange but, then I realized that it is true. I am each of the characters from the popular show mushed into one.

Susan - I am a clutz. I trip over my own feet. I mean well most of the time and most of the time things back fire on me. I have the best of intentions and due to no fault of my own, something almost always goes wrong. I am the person who gets up to give someone a seat on the subway but, steps on someone else's foot as I do it. Typical Susan. Unlike Susan I have never burned anyone's house down nor have I been caught running around my neighbourhood naked. Mind you summer is not here yet, lots of time for that.

Bree - Ah, the obsessive compulsive Bree. Mrs. Perfection. A part of me is Bree. My vast cd collection is sorted in alphabetical order by artist, band and then by order of when released. I like my house clean and in order. When my house is in order, I am in order. I like to entertain and like to cook. I enjoy doing laundry. I still have a long way to go to be considered Martha Stewart though because I have never done anything illegal and got caught.

Lynette - So I don't have four children. I have a dog who I adore and she is well behaved most of the time so there are many things about Lynette I cannot relate to. However, Lynette has trust issues. She is constantly suspicious about people and so far Lynette has been dead on about her assumptions. I have that Lynette sixth sense. I know a creep coming a mile away, you lie to me I feel it. I may be sweet and friendly but, I am not stupid. You may think you got one by me but, you really didn't. I just let you think you did.

Gabrielle - I like to shop like Gabrielle does. I like shoes, I like clothes, I like to get my nails and feet done. I am the BIWAY version of Gabrielle because I am quite frugal when it comes to treating myself. The point is I treat myself. I do it all the time. I buy myself flowers, a great magazine, the latest bestselling novel, chocolate.......whatever I fancy. I also treat myself emotionally. I relax when I need to, I excercise for health and challenge myself intellectually as much as possible. I would never stay with a man for financial reasons like Gabrielle does. You cannot put a price on happiness. Happiness comes in many forms and it is priceless. It isn't something you see it is something you feel. I don't have a gardener so I can't comment on Gabrielle's affair. My husband does all the gardening around here. He watches the show sometimes too. He's not stupid. We are never hiring a gardener now. And thanks to the Lynette storyline we will also NEVER have a nanny.

Edie - I can relate to Edie very much. Her dead on comments, her eagerness to fit in and be liked. Her outfits?? Sure, I dress young for my age also. So, I don't jog in a push up bra but, it's the little quirky things that Edie does that make her loveable. I have never however competed with a woman for a man. Even if I was single I wouldn't. Just not worth the effort. There are just too many fish in the sea, mind you the water is polluted.

Mrs Huber - rest her soul. I am not one to sit around and speak badly of others but, how I love celebrity gossip. Even neighbour gossip is good. Mrs Huber and I have that in common. Neighbourly gossip. I remember Steve and I living at Yonge and Davisville in an apartment. We had nicknames for all the other people on our floor. There was "Frat Boy" who was young, rude and partied all week long. Passing his apartment on the way to mine was so annoying. The blaring music, the smoke seeping through the door and his slimy friends who visited regularly. There was "Cat Lady" who lived across the hall. I loved her. She understood my Chelsea love. She had a cat and if you can believe it - more spoiled than Chelsea. There was "Porn Queen" the girl down the hall who had an internet service she provided in her apartment through her website. She was wealthy, built like a brick shithouse and the saddest person I have ever seen.
Point is, like it or not I had the dish on them all.

MARY ALICE - I constantly "narrate" my version of everything.

So as you can see I am the ultimate housewife.
Just maybe not so desperate. By the way, does anyone know a good plumber?
Take the quiz and let me know who you are!


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