CUZ I SAID SO!

Celebrity stories and gossip that make you go "W.T.F?"

Friday, April 01, 2005

An ode to April Fools

Nobody got me today. As in fooled me today. Although every incident that happened to me today prior to noon I kept thinking was a joke. I mean I actually had a lot of work to do today and it was Friday. I was seriously wishing it was a joke. I kept waiting for someone to go "Aha!" or "Got ya!" Or "Don't tell me you believed that?" So I was extra cautious all day without reason to be and questioned everything everyone said to me. I wanted to catch someone in the act. Nobody was remotely trying. Therefore I was an April Fool. All brought on by myself.

Some people however are fools more than once a year. Way more in fact. So today's blog will be dedicated to fools. Full time fools. There are just too many fools to choose from now that I think about it so short of writing an entire book on idiots I will narrow it down to ten.

My choices for top TEN fools of the past year or so. (Drum roll please with a hint of violin for drama)

10) Jennifer Aniston.
What? Is it not obvious??? She just filed for divorce from Brad Pitt. Yes, I know, I was divorced, I should understand that when you unhappy you gotta go.
But, then again, I was not married to Brad Pitt.
I am sure no matter how bad - I could of come to sort of compromise with Mr. Pitt
Any compromise really.
Yes ofcourse Angelina can sleep over.


9) Britney Spears.
So she hates the press and hates the spotlight. When you walk down the street wearing a t-shirt that screams " I AM A VIRGIN but, then again this is an old shirt" Exactly how does one expect not to get attention?? The woman is now married to a man she was dating while his girlfriend was pregnant with his second child. (Did you get all that??) I mean this girl had her pick of the crop and she chooses that? I don't get it. Oh, and if I see ONE more photo of Britney walking out of a public washroom at a gas station with no shoes on........I really can't take that. How grossly unsanitary!! We all know Britney cleans up really nice. I just wish she would.

8) Puff Daddy, P-diddy, Poo-duddy, whatever he calls himself lately.
Can anyone explain to me how this guy got so famous?? I didn't even know who he was until he started dating JLO years ago. Yeah, I know, there was the gun scandal at the club, the video he did with Nelly at the club and the party he had with the penguins who were scared... you guessed it ....at the club. Really though.....who is this person??? Why is he everywhere and nowhere at the same time? I know, he has his own designer clothes line. It consists of big cotton t-shirts that say things like "Let me Pimp you up" And "Mommy, I want some". The trousers are six sizes too big and apparently they just can't put his oversized, overpriced clothes on the racks fast enough. It boggles the mind.

7) Michael Moore - of Farenheit 911 fame
Let me start by saying I am not a George Bush fan. My opinions on the president are my own. I have done my own research as I feel that after the events of 911 - Everyone should of been looking for answers. I have not seen any of Mr Moore's films nor do I care to. I do know lots of people who saw his movies and were immediately brainwashed because whatever he depicted in his movie was just so earth shattering. PUHLEASE!!! I simply cannot believe that this man is any different from George Bush. They both tell ONE side of a story and try to intimidate people into taking their views by scaring the crap out of them. It is all American Propaganda to me.
Michael Moore should of done "Super Size Me" - He knows as much about McDonalds food by the looks of him as he does about the American Government.

6) Star Jones - from the "View"
You must of been living under a rock or hanging out with Osama-Bin-Hiding if you don't know Star Jones got married recently. Don't know if you watch the view but, that was a trying time for all.....when she was getting married. There will never be another bridal horror story like Star. She was self absorbed, condescending to the others, name dropping constantly, trying to get freebies for her big day.........oh the angst!! It was rather painful to watch. The woman was out of control. I can honestly say I lost the one iota of respect I had for her while she was planning that wedding. The actual wedding day she was apparently even worse. From the time she started to plan the wedding until after it finally happened, we watched her withering her weight away to nothing. In fact in the course of one show I swear she is dissapearing within the hour. I totally attribute her bitchiness to the fact that she was on some crazy deprivation diet. All that woman needs is a crispy cream donut......Still, no excuse. I couldn't of put up with her.

5) Prince Charles
So he is finally marrying Camilla, the love of his life......if he were a real man he would of stood up to his mother , confessed to Mr. Parker - Bowles whom he was deceiving and he would of married Camilla and NOT Diana. Diana would still be with us today if she had not married Charles. Then again I doubt Camilla and Charles could ever produce two fine specimans like William and Harry. So, maybe a couple good things did come out of the union.
Charles is finally going to be happy with his fair old maiden.
Who cares?
Prince Charming is one thing I am certain he will never be.

4) Eric Bonet (Halle Berry's ex?? )
He cheated on Halle Berry. FOOL with a capitol F. I honestly am not a shallow person and I know there is more to someone than looks...........but, we are talking about Halle Berry here. I mean his mistress's must of been double jointed, hung from the chandelier or could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Other than that....The man is going to be sorry if he isn't already crying over his subscription to "Sexual Addicts who Lost everything and everyone that everyone else would do anything for"
Stupid, stupid man.
Hey, Halle, I hear Brad is available.........you better hurry.


3) Paris Hilton
Proof that all the money in the world cannot buy common sense. Never before has one person ever been so famous for NADA, ZILCH, NIL ..........NOTHING. Yeah, she looks good but, if you spent 12 hours a day getting ready you would too! Even better perhaps.
This woman has had her personal sex tapes get out, her dog got lost and all the info in her cellphone/messenger/blackberry/camcorder leaked out to the press oh so conveniently.
How this woman finds her way home at night is beyond me. She needs to go away for a while and I don't mean on vacation. If Ms Hilton wants to impress me , the 4th season of SIMPLE LIFE would really entail a SIMPLE LIFE. Send Paris to a third world country without proper water filtering systems, send her stay with a family struck by tragedy who have lost everything but, their dignity. Give Paris a real job. A job where she is accountable for her actions. Where she does not get paid until her work and her time is done.
"Another one of my sex tapes leaked out, I have 5086 pairs of pink shoes and ran out of cocaine"
Woe is me. Poor little rich girl

2) Anna Nicole Smith.
Like a bad accident. You don't want to but, you have to slow down and look. Half the time I can't understand what she is saying and the other half of the time I do understand I wish I hadn't.
Sssshea shurrrrree luks gooooooood tho'...........
It's only a matter of time before the research confirms that TRIMSPA not only melts away fat but, also brain cells.


1) Jennifer Aniston.
I mean c'mon.

2 Comments:

Blogger Bernadette said...

Okay don't shoot me...but I don't get Brad Pitt at all. He's too good looking. He doesn't seem real. But obviously there is more to the story than we know. Whatever!

Love the comments Cuz...(Cuz as in cousin and Cuz I Said So)

8:53 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

Hey Linda,

Paris HIlton is living proof that money cannot buy class.

I wouldnt want to be in the same room with her (...I might catch something... heh heh...)

Nadia

1:45 PM  

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