So the TTC is deciding tonight if they are going to go on strike or not. How do I feel about this? Shall I share my morning commute with you? Keep in mind this is not a combination of mornings, NO! this is what happened just this morning.
I get on on Sheppard like I do every morning and take the train North to Finch two stops, stay on the train at Finch which is the last stop and then continue to go south around 254 stops to Osgoode station where I work. It is worth the long journey. It is worth securing myself a seat. Especially this morning it was extra worth it.
I open up a new book this morning on the subway. Nothing like a new book. Especially when you get the distinct feeling it is going to be brilliant or life altering in some small way. A book is needed for the long subway ride to ensure my sanity and a hopeful escape from the other sardine packed commuters on the train.
So around Lawrence a gaggle of teenage girls get on engrossed in a very LOUD conversation about their like, lame fathers, like, unfinished homework and like the cute boy they just saw get on the like northbound train. They are clad in catholic school girl uniforms which who are we trying to kid are borderline porn gear. Especially since these particular girls are wearing skirts so short I almost thought I was admiring a new tartan belt that had somehow taken storm in the fashion scene......no, I was wrong.....it was their actual skirts. Yikes. I make a mental note to Thank God yet again that I don't have a daughter. So like, anyways, they are like totally talking loud and like really really irritating me as I am reading the same like damn like paragraph of my great new book over and over for lack of concentration. I am trying desperately to tune them out. Like totally like bloody like impossible.
The thing is they really DO want the entire planet to hear their conversation, their drama, their dimwitted opinions and views on important things like the orange powder on Cheezies, their creepy neighbour Mr. Perv oh and like who could forget like their unbearable mother who like dresses like she is like 25 and is like so embarrassing.
I mean really. SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!! I want to scream it from the rooftops SHUTUP!! I DON'T CARE!!! But, I ignore it and try to pretend I am better than them because how hard they try they are simply not going to distract me.
I hate to admit I actually get used to the horrific giggling and high pitch squealing and finally sink into my book .......until we hit Eglinton.
Eglinton. Some people get out (unfortunately for me , not the school girls) Alas, more people get on. Most grumpy, carrying laptop cases, briefcases, knapsacks, camping equipment (WTF?) anyhow what kills me is most of this items they are carrying look like they are empty. What is the laptop case.....for show?? Anyhow, two young men wearing suits too big for them stand right in front of me. I do not lift my head. I am determined to get into this great book. The two men begin to talk about work, business, finance, their recent promotions, their perfect lives, how important they are.......I mean I am really holding back the vomit. I am praying at this point for the teenyboppers to squash these guys and take their place. One of the Doogie Howser banker types proceeds to make a call on his cell at Summer Hill station - which is NOT an outdoor station.
My I wonder, these phones are really getting high tech. (Yeah, right!)
He is trying to pretend he has a call. He is really important.
News flash. You are riding the subway during rush hour and the person behind you has their breifcase up your ass - chances are you AIN'T all that important.
Thankfully here comes BLOOR in sight with a whole crammed platform of hopefully some normal people. My fingers are crossed.
BLOOR the train conductor shouts over the speaker. Why does he sound drunk?? Hmmm. He sounds mad too. Drunk and mad at 8;15 in the morning driving a train. This can't be good.
So here is Bloor, the doors open and 5 million people push their way out to be replaced by another 5 million people who rush onto the train like they are running from the mafia or the F.B.I. ......Bloor is a cultural station for me because I always imagine I am in China. China is severley overpopulated. Every subway station in China must be like Bloor. I shudder and go back to my book.
There is a woman crammed in front of me and her knees are knocking into my legs and her empty knapsack is bouncing off my elbow to the rythym of the train being driven by the drunk ttc conductor. Did I mention he also seemed mad?
Anyhow, yes, I am trying to ignore these silly distractions. I finally cannot take it anymore and at College station I look up to reveal the face of the accused personal space invader. She is staring at me like I am the one with the problem. She is miserable looking and I assume she probably has not had a coffee yet this morning or any type of human contact for years....which by the way is not my problem. She is glaring at me! The nerve! I look around. Not alot of space but, she does have space to move her knobby knees. Damn her. As if to taunt me even more, she moves even closer to me. So close I can smell some type of cheap soap - At least she washed herself sometime recently - The knobby knees are right into my leg now.....I am just about ready to ask her if she would like to sit on my lap when suddenly I hear him.
A crazy man.
No not, the driver.
He gets on at Dundas. I hear him before I see him. He is talking wildly to himself, banging the glass and spitting. Woohoo, I close my book. This is getting good now.
And then it happens.
Like it happens everytime.
PEOPLE - When a crazy person gets on public transportation DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. I see it all the time and there is always someone who does. Someone really stupid.
So someone makes eye contact. A woman. The man starts yelling at her "What the F are you staring at you FN &^^%!!!! "
I must admit. I saw it coming.......I also saw the next person who got it coming.....who didn't learn from the first idiot.
DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT.
Then the knobby knee woman finally went to get off at UNION......Just as I stretched my legs out I heard him giving her the business too. "You stupid FN &%% What the hell are you staring at?? Mind your own ^%^%DAMN Business!"
I cannot help it and begin chuckling to myself.
He told off ole knobby knees.
Goody for me.
I open up my book yet again to PAGE one and pretend to read just to avoid eye contact with the deranged man. (See how smart I am)
He gets off a stop before me.
I finally get to my stop and the conducter yells out OSGOODE! He no longer sounds drunk, in fact he sounds like he is sobering up.......and he sounds even more angry.
Time to go!
So you see, I am begging for a strike!!
I think we could all use one.
CUZ I SAID SO!!